Paz y Pasión

zamponias en la radio

2009-12-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

I love writing random lists at the back of my notebook when I'm bored. "Baby names I like." "Things I want to do before I turn 30." "Movies I'd like to own." "Friends I want to be at my 50th birthday party." A few weeks ago, I started writing a list at the back of my notebook: "Images I don’t want to forget."

Waking up at 6 am to cumbia blasting from the neighbor’s house
Home background home noise of singing birds
The mountains on my walk to work
Sunday lunches huddled by the open fire
Painting nails, knitting, and listening to the radio on Mamá’s bed
Warm water sponge bath naked on a stool in the yard
First human contact of every day: Mamá’s voice “CHRISTINITA!!”
Washing dishes in the outdoor sink after lunch every day
Hanging clothes to dry while Mamá washes
Standing on the balcony overlooking the rooftops of Talavera while it’s raining
Pequy’s ears tilting back and forth, listening
Playing Crazy 8’s with Yordani in the store
Sharing one glass to drink chicha at lunch
Zamponias on the radio
Typing my GCP’s in my room, sitting on my chair, door open, sun shining in
Grubby hands sharing mote from a bowl
Cuddling in Mamá and Papá’s bed watching comedies I barely understand
Mamá teasing the neighbors until they end up inviting us to drink Coke with them
Yordani’s aversion to bathing – a family event
Papá’s accents – especially his pregnant woman imitation
Calling everyone tío or tía … and being called señorita
The green of the plants in our garden
Mamá bathing me in my first week here
Clothes drying on the line
Tomatillo juice fresh from the tree outside
Crowded combis, shared humanity – holding someone else’s baby
Colors of the fruit section of the Mercado
Typical dances with bright costumes and swirling choreography
Walking to church, bundled up
Singing Grupo 5 with Mily at the karaoke
The smell of eucalyptus
Kisses from strangers and friends
Guys from the office trying a hula hoop for the first time in their lives
Praying with Lupe and Ana, holding hands, sitting by a river
Julio’s face as he held his one-day-old daughter Andrea
Laughing with Raúl while translating Phil Collins and Backstreet Boys
Talking with Rudy as we lay on our backs looking at the stars
Crying with Mery as we prayed in the mornings
Watching Yasmina’s womb grow and grow

If you don’t understand some of these images … that just means you need to ask me out for coffee so I can explain them in greater depth!! ☺

I can’t believe this is my last Peru blog! (Although I'll technically still be in Peru, I won't write next Monday because I'll be traveling on my way out of the country! - plus ... we're out of alphabet letters!!) It has been enriching and satisfying to record and share my experiences this way. Thank you for reading and walking alongside me in this journey! I am so thankful for the support and love I have received from my various “home” communities (“home” has always been a confusing concept for me …). I hope to continue sharing about the last 6 months as I return to the US and get to hug and talk to you all in person!! I arrive at O’hare December 16 (!!) … and my main goal of Christmas break is to enjoy time with people I love (hm, life goal?), so if you’re in the area, please let me know!!

MUN GODE ALLAH. GRACIAS PAPITO LINDO. THANK YOU FATHER.

YO

2009-11-30T12:41:00.000-08:00

Quién soy yo? Who am I? This seems to be an ongoing question in my life. Do we ever really answer it? Can anyone in the world say that they really know themselves fully?

I am constantly changing. The beginning of college was a big time of identity questions for me. Maybe I thought even answered some of them. But now I am coming to the end of a 6-month period where I have been far away from who I was – thousands of miles away, but also cultures away. I’m getting a little nervous to go back to the physical place where my “self” was formed, and start figuring out once again who I am.

It has been difficult to keep a good grasp on who I am over the last almost-6-months. I was stripped of my mother tongue and often couldn’t rely on verbal skills to share with others – the form of communication that was the most comfortable for me in the past. I no longer had a close group of Christian friends around me to challenge me in my faith and to keep me accountable. I have been far away from my boyfriend who I was used to sharing every day with. And even little things: I haven’t eaten peanut butter in the last 6 months, I haven’t driven a car, I haven’t worn shorts!

Not only have things been stripped away. Things have also been added. Before living in Andahuaylas, I never knew that I like to eat yucca or listen to cumbia. I had never had a friend with whom I only spoke Spanish. I didn’t know my heart could hurt with missing someone as much as it has. I didn’t know how deeply I felt about helping hurting women.

My heart has been expanded.

It will surely be difficult to re-integrate myself into what was once familiar now that I myself am different. I am afraid that I will give in to the pressure to conform. Either that or I will become bitter in loneliness. But I am also excited. I am excited to re-experience with new eyes and a new heart what I thought I understood fully. I am excited to share with others what I have learned. I am excited to employ in my “old life” the flexibility and humility and moldability that I have been forced to adopt here in Andahuaylas.

I am excited to keep getting to know myself, my “YO”, as I continue to grow and change and learn.

Oh, and one less-transitory change I’ve gone through in the last week is a haircut. Not quite as drastic as the last one ☺ Here’s a picture of Lupe, Raúl, and me at a wedding we went to together this weekend.

Xtra

2009-11-25T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ok so x is not the easiest letter to write about (unless you just pick the lame cop-out xilófono ... which I have nothing to say about anyway). I thought about doing Generación X because of the amount of 90's music I have heard here. It is UNBELIEVABLE. I'm finally catching up on all the music I missed out on living in Nigeria during the 90's.

But I decided to just write about some EXTRAS - some random things I've been thinking about and seeing and doing.

Monday and Tuesday of this week I went to a burial similar to the one I went to in Putis (see my "Lágrimas" entry if you missed that). This time, though, it was for 9 members of a community called Cabaña who were murdered by the terrorist group Sendero Luminoso in 1983. Twenty-six years later, we were able to make the ridiculously difficult trip out to this community and help the families left behind bury their relatives. I felt so angry as we drove up to this tiny village. These people have close to nothing, and yet they were robbed of the ultimate treasures of this life: their dignity and their loved ones. We stood in the rain while the caskets were being placed into their cement resting places. It felt fitting to have tears streaming down my face as I watched two sisters I had gotten to know over the 2 days sob as they finally buried their father. It gives dignity to let people cry, and to cry with them.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the themes of identity and dignity. It started when I began working on the self-esteem module I wrote for Paz y Esperanza. Lupe explained to me that her philosophy for fighting poverty begins with helping people see their worth. Only from there can any economic help be effective. If we don't begin there, the impoverished will only stay in the same state where they already find themselves.

Our last HNGR readings spoke about identity and dignity as well. As a Christian, I have the blessing of being able to start from identity (who I am in Christ) and move from there into dignity (what I am worth) ... rather than doing it the world's way: Look what I have done, and that will tell you who I am.

This is good news not only for the poor, but for what the readings called "non-poor" as well. I am set free from the rat-race of the world that tells me I must prove what I'm worth by being "successful"!! I can be content with knowing that God has called me worthy to die for. He loved me first and called me His child. What more do I need to prove?

This should affect my daily life in huge ways!! As I struggle to figure out life here, feeling constantly frustrated with my failures and beaten down by people always telling me what I'm doing wrong ... I can have hope that what matters, as my coworker Mery constantly reminds me, is what I do "delante de Dios" - before God! I am called to be faithful before Him. That is all.

SWEET FREEDOM!!! Oh how I want to live like I believe that.

As my time here comes to a close, it is so easy for me to look back with regret: could I have done something differently/better? ... But what if I just looked back and said "Thank You, God, for teaching me about who I am in You. I have learned that I am far from having it all together, but that You are all that I need." Isn't that the most important lesson I could have learned? Won't I continue to learn that all my life?

I want to live in the joy of my identity and dignity in Christ. I think that the truths of identity and dignity are the most important things we can offer the world: from Paulina crying at her father's grave, to the rich businesswomen stuck in her office trying to prove to herself and the world that she is worth something.

Aaaaan in the spirit of offering you something "extra" ... here's a picture to brighten your day. Sorry it's sideways - can't figure out my computer right now. I took it at one of the ceremonies we went to in honor of the 9 Cabaña victimes. And if you can't read what the "balloon" says ... "Viva la Paz" - May Peace Live!!

WHISKEY!!

2009-11-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

No, actual whiskey has not been a part of my HNGR experience (although EVERYONE knows who Jack Daniels is). Just the word – quite often, actually. It’s the Spanish equivalent of saying “Cheese!” when taking a picture here! – “WHISKEYYYY!”

There are quite a few sayings, phrases, and words that I’ve had fun figuring out here … and sometimes literally translating words just doesn’t cut it. The following is a little catalogue of just a few of these expressions. Some of them are unique to Andahuaylas, others are common in all of Peru (so I’m told), others are just your average Spanish … but I must say that I was pretty excited when a Peruvian that I met in Bolivia told me I speak Spanish like an Andahuaylina!!

“Ya no ya”: At first I was so confused – does it mean yeah or no or yeah?? Well, literally, it means “now no now” … So it means no. Like if you’ve finished eating and you’re asked if you’d like more – ya no ya, I’m full.

“Salud!”: Literally means “Health!” It’s the Spanish equivalent of “God bless you” in response to a sneeze. Which makes a lot more sense to me, actually.

“Así??”: Means “thus” … or kind of like “Really?” But I swear it’s the most common response to any statement ever made here. I found my pen. Así?! I can’t find Lupe. Así?? I love you. Así???!!

“No más”: Literally means “no more” … but if someone says “Come no más” (eat no more) it doesn’t mean stop eating – it means START eating! Just EAT for goodness sake!

“Carajo!”: No literal translation here. It’s some kind of expression of being annoyed or … really an expression of any strong feeling, I think. Kind of like “Geez!”

“Pues …”: Means “Well …”, but this word is seriously used in EXCESS here. It’s a fill-in when you want to make a point, basically. Did you find her? Sí, pues. Do you want to go with me? Claro, pues. Are you you mad at me? No, pueeeeees!

“Oye!”: Can be “Hey!” or “Ouch!” or “Dog, drop the food you just put in your mouth!” I was so excited the first time that “oye!” was my genuine response to stubbing my toe ☺

“Asuuuuu …”: Probably my host mom’s most common expression. It means something like “wooooow …” … or Nigeria folk, it kind of reminds me of “kai!”

Ito/ita: Ok, this is ridiculous here. People add ita/ito to the end of EVERY noun! It is generally used to imply that something is small – like a small perro (dog) is a perrito. But here it’s not uncommon to hear someone say something like “Estita chicitita flacita está viniendo con su perrita pequeñita, que lindita!” (This little girl who is a little skinny is coming with her little dog who is a little tiny, how littely cute!) A little overboard sometimes.

Azo/aza: This is another common prefix. It’s basically the opposite of ito/ita, implying that something is HUGE. The other day on the way to work I heard a little boy go “Mira esa ALTAZA!!!” Look at that HUGELY TALL woman!! I laughed. But even better was to get a hug from a good friend who greeted me as her “amigaza” ☺

Mamá: At first I was really confused when I said “Gracias, Mamá” only to have her respond “De nada, mami.” Why was SHE calling ME mami?? Turns out everyone calls EVERYONE Mamá or Papá! It is not uncommon to hear a mother trying to calm her screaming infant son by saying “Tranquilo, Papá.”

“Porfies!”: Haha, for all of you who have been aggravated by my abbreviations in the past … imagine my excitement when I found out that I can do it bilingually!! Porfies is short for “por favor.”

Papito Lindo: One time, my host dad was asking me to translate common names for God into English. Señor? Lord, I told him. Padre? Father, I told him. Amado Dios? Beloved God, I told him. Papito lindo? Ummm … Well, literally that means something like Beautiful Daddy … but we don’t really use that one, I told him. As I reflected on it, though, I realized that I really like that one. I don’t think we really capture that view of God as “Abba” very accurately in English.

Learning another language forces you to think a lot about your own language … and to discover that when you only spoke one language, you couldn’t express certain things that you can now! It is a really enriching process … although tedious and humbling as well. Our HNGR covenant expresses the desire to see “as through the facets of a diamond, the beautiful spectrum of [God’s] light.” I am thankful that Spanish and Andahuaylan culture have revealed to me another facet of that light. Gracias, Papito Lindo!

vientre

2009-11-09T14:56:00.000-08:00

“Tú creaste mis entrañas; me formaste en el VIENTRE de mi madre.”
Salmo 139:13

I really want a baby.

Now, don’t worry, I’m not going to come home pregnant! But can you really blame me when I just went to my 3rd “babi shawer” here, I know 2 women who have given birth in the last 2 weeks, 2 women I work with in the office are 7 months pregnant, and yesterday at church we had a baby dedication?? I am surrounded by babies!! And I feel just a little bit enchanted by the idea …

The baby shower I attended was for the wife of my coworker Francisco. She almost didn’t make it to the shower because her contractions were coming so strongly! I sat next to her and just looked at her bulging belly in awe, thinking “There’s a living baby girl in there!!” In my wonder and curiosity I asked Sonya all sorts of questions. She told me she was excited to have the baby, but so nervous about the birth as well, especially being her first one. Yes, the baby moved around within her when there was music, no, Sonya didn’t have any weird food cravings. YES the contractions hurt!

One of the most precious moments during the shower was when the “emcee” asked Francisco what he did during the pregnancy to help the baby develop. He told us that he told his baby girl stories, and he sang to her. Francisco then unashamedly placed his hand gently on his wife’s stomach and began to sing in Quechua about different animals, describing them and imitating their sounds. I got tears in my eyes, and just couldn’t stop thinking “There’s a living baby girl in there!!!”

Baby “Chaska” (means star in Quechua) was born the very next day.

That day, my coworker Vanessa came into the office. I smiled, remembering that when I first met her, she wasn’t even “showing” yet. I hadn’t seen her in about a month and so was shocked to see her belly looking a lot larger than the last time. My coworker Raul teased her “Vanessa, you’re PREGNANT?!!” I couldn’t help but laugh – the woman is 7 months pregnant and HUGE with child!! She told us funny stories about her pregnancy. She can’t even put her own socks on anymore, and her husband is quick to help her, and always really concerned if he’s planning on leaving the house before she does – “What about your socks?!” Vanessa didn’t want to know the sex of the baby before it’s born, but her husband was too excited and already spilled the beans that it’s a boy (she won’t believe it until she sees it). It was so fun to listen to Vanessa chat animatedly about how “inquieto” (restless) her baby is. She was glowing.

The miracle of human life fascinates me. But there are also sad pregnant women. I know one who is just a year older than I am. She hid her unplanned pregnancy for several months, and told me that she’s just short of terrified about the responsibility of having a child. Although she’s about as far along as Vanessa, her stomach is smaller, hidden. People here believe that when the mother is dreading the child, the body shows that fear.

There is also a 17-year-old pregnant girl (woman?) staying in my house right now. A 17-year-old pregnant girl with a 1 ½ year old daughter. A 17-year-old pregnant girl whose husband just got mugged, and his taxi was stolen. And many would consider her lucky that her husband is even still around. I have been shocked by the number of single mothers I’ve met during my time here.

I hope I can be a mother someday – but maybe not quite yet.

As I placed my hands on various “vientres” (wombs) this week, I found myself thinking about Psalm 139:13 – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” That’s pretty intimate! It is such a joy to see soon-to-be-mothers marvel at the living beings within them. They can get to know them in little ways – like Sonya noticing that Chaska “danced” when there was music playing, or like Vanessa saying that her baby is already a night owl because s/he bounces around just when Vanessa lays down to go to sleep. But that baby is still quite mysterious until he or she finally emerges into the world, gasping for air and crying out to be back in that warm womb again. But God knows us to the core, before we are even a thought, or a bouncing bundle of cells within our mothers’ wombs! And He knows us that way throughout our entire lives – down to the number of hairs on our heads.

May we find freedom and joy in being known that way.

(I won't come back pregnant ... but I MIGHT kidnap Rodrigo and bring him back with me!)

utopía

2009-11-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

Picture absolute tranquility. Hammocks overlooking a gorgeous lake of the purest blue. Long mornings of reading and resting, long afternoons of chats with a precious friend who loves you just the way you are. Hikes up and down steep hills, each view from the top more amazing than the last. Eating some of your favorite foods for the first time in months. A nighttime soak in a hot tub overlooking the lake. Does it get any better than that?!

Oh. And then the owner offers to bring you chocolate fondue. And you eat it. IN the hot tub. Overlooking the lake. With one of your best friends in the world.

Felt like UTOPÍA, lemme tell ya! I am eternally grateful for the last 2 weeks I got to spend with my beloved friend Emily Goldberg in Bolivia! Literally the only thing I can complain about after getting my purse stolen (still mourning the journal) is a bad sunburn due to day after blissful day of enjoying nature!! What a blessing. One of the best parts was just talking with Emily. I cried a lot, processing the frustrations of the past 5 months. She was such a great listener. And there was no pressure to do or not do anything. One of the best and most timely vacations I've ever gone on!

I'm safely back in Andahuaylas now. I spent a great weekend with my supervisor Lupe in Cusco and we took the night bus back here, arriving at 3:30am this morning. I had a certain sense of dread thinking about going back to the office. In case you haven't noticed, it's not really my favorite place to be.

But Lupe taught me something else about utopia this weekend. We were talking about a Christian response to poverty. As I mentioned in my last post, being a tourist made me think about world systems and why I have the privilege of traveling and enjoying places like Copacabana, Bolivia when others are starving ... What should we do as Christians?, I asked Lupe. She offered to me her testimony. Before she became a Christian 2 years ago, her life looked pretty different. Her two daughters wanted for nothing - beautiful homes in Paris and Ecuador, designer clothes, lovely gardens, great education ... but now, 2 years later, Lupe lives in Andahuaylas, the poorest part of Peru, in a small apartment with no hot water, unpainted walls, no telephone, and borrowed furniture. Her daughters tell her they're worried about her. "But Christine," she told me with tears in her eyes, "I'm not lonely anymore. I know that my real home is with the Lord, and He is always with me. I used to be lonely, but now I'm not!"

Copacabana felt pretty close to utopia. I wished the whole time that my family, Luke, and other friends could share it with me. But will I ever be fully satisfied on this earth? I may never feel like Andahuaylas is utopia ... but I have an eternal home with the Lord that gives me the freedom to live a life full of joy wherever I am. May that truth penetrate our souls with a deep peace that passes understanding!

torta, turistas, y trauma

2009-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

I´M IN BOLIVIA!! Last Wednesday night, I took an overnight bus to Cusco and caught a morning flight to La Paz. As I walked out through security and caught sight of my precious friend Emily Goldberg, my feet were compelled to SPRINT to her! We hugged for an entire minute, expressing disbelief that we were actually physically together in South America! We had planned our Bolivian vacation since we both got into HNGR sophomore year. The past week with her has been more refreshing than I can express, and I am unbelievably grateful to have this time to spend with her.

Let me tell you one thing Emily and I have in common: WE LOVE CHOCOLATE. And maybe because we´re both psychology majors, we don´t have any problem calling it therapy. The first thing we did together in Bolivia (besides hug) was eat enormous slices of chocolate TORTA (cake) while verbally processing the last 4 1/2 months of HNGR. Well, come to think of it, eating chocolate cake/icecream/cheesecake while talking has made up probably 60% of our time together. IT HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE.

The other 40% of the time, we have just enjoyed being TURISTAS. This has included speaking English (sweet mental relief), taking pictures of just about everything, ooing and aaing at sights, hiking gorgeous peaks, and taking advantage of the gigantic movie theater (talk about culture shock ... we stayed for 2 movies, but were probably even more excited about the escalators!!). We have had the enormous privilege of staying with the Kittelson family during our time here, which has definitely uniquely colored our time as tourists in La Paz. We had never met the family before coming, but my parents are friends with them, and Emily and I have been sooo blessed and impressed by their hospitality!! We´ve really enjoyed conversations about short term missions, coca, Bolivian politics, and gender (feel like I´m always talking about that), as well. What a great family!!

Unfortunately, our time in La Paz has also included a little bit of TRAUMA as well. Yesterday when Emily and I were at an internet cafe close to the Kittelsons' house, my purse was stolen off the back of my chair. As soon as I realized it was gone, I started sobbing ... and cried harder when I realized that my journal of my whole time in Peru had been in the purse. Thankfully, my passport was at the house, and I had not had much money with me ... but the experience definitely shook me up. I thankfully got ahold of my parents in Nigeria right away and we cancelled my credit card. We've realized that I might have to perform some gymnastics to navigate life without access to an ATM, the loss of my driver's license, etc ... but I am so thankful that Emily and I are safe, above all!

Yesterday was a tough day. I was so upset about losing my journal. I was so angry that someone would take things that belong to someone else. I was so scared for my own safety. And as I reflected on the whole situation, I got really sad about poverty. Why did someone steal MY purse? Well, I was in a nice internet cafe. I am white. I had a nice purse just hanging off the back of my chair. They obviously thought I had a lot of money. Because I'm white. Why do I have enough money to go on a vacation to La Paz and engorge myself with chocolate cake when some people have to steal to survive? It was a strange feeling to walk around the city yesterday carrying literally nothing. I chuckled at the irony of finding 50 cents on the sidewalk, putting it in my pocket, and realizing that that was all I had at the moment. I don't understand the world's systems. But maybe that's because I have the privilege of ignorance as I enjoy living at the top.

My first instinct after being robbed is extreme paranoia. I feel suspicious of everyone. I told Emily yesterday that I was struggling not to lose my faith in humanity just because one person disappointed me. But the longer I think about it, the more I wonder if God wants to teach me something about myself through this. Something about my place in this world.

Emily and I are leaving La Paz this afternoon and will spend the rest of the week together at the beautiful Lake Titicaca. I would appreciate your prayers for our safety, and for God's continued blessings on our conversations. This has been such an important time for me!

solteras!!

2009-10-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

One of the best surprises of working at Paz y Esperanza is the number of SOLTERAS that work there! It is literally a bunch of married men and single women. What a fun environment for me! It was quite an adjustment at first, coming from Wheaton where I was constantly around guys and gals within 3 years of my age ... and now everyone I work with is at least late 20's!

I have been super thankful that these solteras have really accepted me with open arms. Actually, sometimes it's a problem because they are constantly inviting me to do things with them and I feel bad leaving my host family so often! But more than anything, I am so glad to finally be able to say that these women are my friends. I truly enjoy spending time with them, and I am also learning a lot from them. I would like to introduce you to these precious friends!:

Sooo ... my best Peruvian friend just turned 39 on Friday! (totally doesn't look it, right?!) Her name is Milagros, and she has really been a "milagro" (miracle) for me! I met her through my friend Ana, and we have really hit it off since. She and I share a love of a cute little café called Capucchino run by an adorable couple (husband French and wife Peruvian), and we are no doubt their most faithful customers :) Mili and I are also loving going to a saya class - a really neat type of Peruvian music/dance that you should look up on Youtube. She is also teaching me to crochet! In summary ... she has been a really fun friend and has also rescued me from the office for a coffee date numerous times. I love her!! This picture is from her birthday celebration - dinner at Capucchino, karaoke, and discoteca!

Here's another picture from Mili's birthday celebration of Mili, me, and my friend Ana. She is one of the only other Christians in the Paz office, and she has been a really wonderful support to me since I arrived in Andahuaylas. She is always telling me that her apartment is my second home and often invites me to sleep over when we have late nights out and I don't want to take the taxi to Talavera by myself. She has a really energetic personality and is always up for fun! I have met a lot of people through her and am so grateful for the way she continues to include me when she hangs out with her friends.

2 other lovely women who I have had the privilege of knowing ... Nimia and Angela. Nimia is a graceful and beautiful person who is very close to her family and very serious about doing her work well. She and I have enjoyed going to the gym together, and I have accompanied her on several trips out to rural communities where she works with children. We're planning a beach vacation next month if we can pull it off! Angela is a fun-loving Cuzqueña who unfortunately quit work about 2 weeks ago. While she was working with us, I often escaped to her office to chat with her and help her practice her English. I miss her already. My special prayers are with her as last week we received the awful news that she lost 2 of her younger siblings in a terrible accident. Please join me in praying for comfort for her soul, and that the Lord would draw her to Himself during this painful time.

This is Jessica, the only female lawyer who works at Paz. She has an office in the front where she sees client after client with depressing story after depressing story, day after day ... and yet at our recent retreat, she was voted "Más Alegre" (happiest)!! Her laughter and joy are contagious. She is always joking around and teasing everyone in the office ... although she is very good at what she does as a lawyer, as well. We have had a lot of talks about how she is so strong with her clients and yet remains sensitive and feels their hurts (this has been on my mind a lot as I wonder about whether or not I have a future as a counselor). I have learned a lot from her, and also always have fun going out to lunch with her or just chatting when we're both bored at the office.

Rudy is another Christian in the office, and I am just recently getting to know her. She was super intimidating to me at first because she is completely gorgeous and very secure in what she does! But we had a really great talk laying on our backs looking at the stars next to the river last weekend on the staff retreat, and I am excited to keep getting to know her for the rest of my time here. She is very courageous about her faith, and I know I have a lot to learn from her.

Sharing life with these women has been a big blessing. I'm so thankful to have friends!! Unfortunately ... their lives as solteras are also difficult. One has a 9 year old daughter and her boyfriend is nowhere to be found. One suffered an ugly divorce after her husband outright told her he was cheating on her. One is struggling to navigate a relationship with a man whose beliefs are vastly different from hers. One has had ongoing physical health problems as a direct result of her work. Two live far from their families and fight loneliness. As I look at these beautiful smiling faces and think about the fun times I have shared with these women, I am inspired by their strength. They never stop surprising me with their generosity, joy, and love. I am learning so much, and I am just so thankful and excited to keep hearing their stories and opening my heart to them.

regalo

2009-10-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

I love surprises. Some of my favorite memories from high school are the “surprise” parties that my friends and I would throw for one another’s birthdays (shout out, precious Hillcrest friends! Oh how I miss those days…). The funny thing was that the surprises became a tradition – hence the quotes around “surprise.” We always knew they were coming. We just did our best to pretend that we didn’t. The special part was that our friends cared enough to surprise us. Even if we weren’t really surprised.

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself optimistic, but I definitely live life with great expectation. I get so excited about things to come that sometimes I can hardly wait … often making it hard to live in the moment. I also am a great ruiner of surprises (poor Luke!) because I am so looking forward to what is to come that I can’t possibly not try to figure it out!

And living life with great expectation – this wild and crazy and imperfect life – means that I am often disappointed. My amazing dreams of what the future holds seldom come true.

Life is a REGALO (gift). It’s in a huge box, wrapped in bright pink paper, tied with large shiny bows, and it has my name on it. What could possibly be inside?!! I work myself into a frenzy sizing it up, holding it in my hands, smelling it, shaking it, trying to figure out its contents. But when the day finally comes to open it … it’s never what I expect.

I’m working on understanding that that’s not always bad. Sometimes it’s BETTER than I expect! I am swept off my feet by the fact that the giver of this gift knew what I wanted and needed even better than I did! Other times … I hide my disappointment with a smile, not understanding the intentions behind such a gift.

But if I truly believe that God is good, would He really give me a bad gift? And if He knows me better than anyone ever, including myself, can’t I expect from Him only the best? … But what about those days of disillusionment, disappointment, when I thought I knew what was coming and it made me excited, only to arrive and find out I was wrong?

Each day of these 6 months in Peru is a REGALO. Each day of your life, wherever you are, whatever you do, is a gift.

Every day I miss my family and friends so deeply I’m not sure I can do this … but I rejoice in the miracle that my Peruvian grandmother told me last week “Te queremos” – We love you.

I had an argument with my supervisor this weekend … but the reconciliation that came afterwards has brought us closer together than we ever have been.

I cried with my host mom as she told me the story of her difficult life … but since then there is a connection between us that wasn’t there before.

I really didn’t want to go on a retreat with my coworkers this weekend because it coincided with another trip I had hoped to take … but the experiences I had in nature over those 3 days are unmatched by anything in my life before.

I swam in several rivers and LOVED it!!!

This is the "Bosque de Piedras" (forest of rocks) that we visited. Not sure how these boulders got to be this way, but we had an amazing time hiking around for hours. These sights are marvelous!!

I have yet to experience a perfect day in Peru … or anywhere else in this world, for that matter. As we experience the joy and the pain of this life, may we never forget that each day is a gift, and that “all is grace and that our only response is gratitude” (Nouwen’s Compassion). May we continue to live life with great expectation – the expectation that God is good and that He will make all things new like He promised. Who better to sweep us off our feet and surprise us with the daily gift of life?

Quinua y Quechua

2009-10-05T13:53:00.000-07:00

This week, I spent 5 days in the neighboring district of Chincheros. It was the first time that I got a really good dose of Andina culture, which includes both quinua and Quechua (great Q words!). QUINUA is a delicious grain used to cook many tasty and nutritious dishes. I had never tried it before coming to Peru, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorite foods here. QUECHUA is the tricky native language of the people of the Andes. It sounds very beautiful, and I have been told over and over again that the meanings of words just can’t be explained in any other language because it is so emotional and deep. I am enchanted, and it is near the top of my list of languages I would like to learn. For right now, everyone gets a big kick out of hearing me use my limited phrases, especially “Leave me alone!” when guys get annoying ☺

Unfortunately, another common aspect of Andina culture is domestic violence. For 4 of my days in Chincheros, I was visiting the local women’s crisis center. I heard many tragic stories during this time as women came to the center to report various kinds of physical, psychological, and sexual violence. I saw many tears. I also started to understand the complexity of the problem of violence in this rural area of Peru. Women who had come in just a week prior were now saying that they wanted to forget the whole thing and just go back to normal life with their husband or the man they live with. At first this made me mad, thinking about the cycle of violence and the ways women are sucked back into unhealthy relationships. But as I started to listen a little more closely, I heard more than just deception. I heard real desire for reconciliation. I heard the desperation of economic dependence. And most of all, I heard the expression of deep love for sons and daughters who had already suffered enough.

Many of the women I met and the stories I heard made me feel depressed. I sat in on one home visit looking around at the messy house, watching an unkempt 3 year old run around throwing fruit on the floor while the social worker tried to tell her pregnant mother that it would be ok even though her boyfriend who used to beat her had just left and she didn’t know if he was coming back, and I just wanted to cry. I complimented a young woman on the bracelet she was wearing and noticed her bright, beautiful smile, and then listened to her talk about how her boyfriend and his brother beat her in front of her 2 children, ages 3 and 4. She’s 21, just like me. How could anyone beat a pregnant woman? How dare human beings treat each other violently in front of children?

However, I also found a lot of hope in Chincheros. I was amazed to find that when I asked the various CEM (Centro Emergencia Mujer – Women’s Emergency Center) employees how they felt about their jobs, every single person told me they love what they do. Each one shared that it is hard to hear stories of women suffering, but that it is just so fulfilling to be able to help them. I was very inspired by their passion and the satisfaction they find in this work.

I also had the joyful privilege of getting to know my Peruvian grandmother “Mamacha,” who lives in Chincheros. She is my Mamá’s Mamá ☺. I loved spending time with her, although it made me miss my real grandmothers a lot! Mamacha generously welcomed me into her home and freely shared about her vibrant relationship with Christ. It was such a blessing to be cared for, and to listen to her stories. It was also particularly relevant for me to learn about her pain as a formerly-battered woman. She lived several years in fear, and not only suffered from physical beatings herself, but also bore the burdens of watching her 8 children being beaten as well. What amazed me was that one of the very first things she told me was that she met Jesus through the violence of her husband. “We cry now, but He says that one day He will wipe the tears from our eyes!” she told me. How can I despair when this woman, who understands the pain of battered women far more intimately than I do, finds such joy and hope in our Savior?

I am so thankful that I got to know Mamacha during this time, and that I have been given new hope in the face of extreme pain. I am also thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know the Andina culture a little better. Observing it more closely was both heartbreaking and lifegiving. I am excited to learn more, and to keep enjoying the quinua and Quechua!

Paciencia

2009-09-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

“What are you writing?” my coworker Rudy asked me as we sat on the grass waiting for the Festieduca celebration to begin, high school kids running and jumping all around us. “What does it say?” People are always asking me what I'm writing in my little notebooks that I carry around everywhere. Sometimes I write in Spanish, sometimes in English. I write about a little bit of everything - what I ate for lunch, new Spanish words I learn, prayers that God will get me through tough moments, cultural discoveries … lists of restaurants I miss : … I hesitated as I looked over what I'd just written in English. Everything is 2 hours late! 10:00 = 12:00. Rudy kept pressing me, and finally I read it out to her in Spanish. She laughed as she looked at her watch. We'd been setting up since 8am for the event that was supposed to start at 10. It was 12, and we were still waiting for the electrical company to give us power!

I've stopped wearing my watch. Granted, I still carry around my cell phone so I can always look to see what time it is, but it was still a big step to replace my watch with a lovely bracelet that my host mom gave me. I call it my “Peruvian watch,” because it bears no sign of the time.

I've been thinking a lot about PACIENCIA here.

Growing up in Nigeria taught me a lot about patience. I love telling the story of the time we went to a 10am wedding on time and ended up waiting for 2 hours for the ceremony to start. Turns out the groom was buying his shoes. I laugh about this difference in cultural values … but it makes me ashamed to really think about how much of a slave I am to time.

A lot of my life here is waiting around. I rush to get ready in the morning but then end up waiting for Yordani to get his books together so I can walk him to school. A trip out to a community involves long car rides, 2, 3, 4 hours of staring out the window, waiting to get there. And once we get there I end up sitting in meetings I don't understand, waiting to get back in the car, where I will wait hours again until I get home! People expect events to start late, so when I show up on time I end up waiting for everyone else to come. It is often difficult to find value in these circumstances, and I find myself impatient for something to happen!

I started learning to crochet and knit this week. Talk about needing patience! I make so many mistakes and have to go back and do everything all over again. I watch Mamá and my friend Milagros do it, and they just fly, each move fluid and perfect. I feel so clumsy. I can only do a little bit at a time because I just get too impatient and frustrated. I wish I could go faster, I wish I could just know how to do it, I wish I didn't have to go through this time of learning, making mistakes, correcting, over and over.

I wish I could rush through a lot of things. Every day in the office feels like a drag, and I just wish I could be done with the work I'm doing for Paz and move onto something else. Relationships feel like they are taking 10 times longer than usual to develop because of the language barrier, and I wish I could just arrive at the time where I understand everything perfectly. I miss my family in Nigeria, my friends at Wheaton and around the world, Luke, and so many others, and I often just wish it would be Christmas already so that I could be with everyone again.

I'm realizing that I've lived a lot of my life this way. Last year, all I could think about was going to Peru … Now that I'm here, all I can think about is going back! I often live for “looking forward to” things to come. I find it very hard to be present in the moment.

Henri Nouwen writes about the value of “patient moments” in his excellent book Compassion. He writes, “when patience prevents us from running from the painful moment in the false hope of finding our treasure elsewhere, we can slowly begin to see that the fullness of time is already here and that salvation is already taking place.” What a beautiful realization! I don't want to miss all of life because I'm always waiting for the future to arrive. In another excellent Nouwen work, Gracias!, he writes, “I do not know if I will be alive tomorrow, next week, or next year. Therefore today is always more important than tomorrow. We have to be able to say each day, 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.'”

Please help me pray for eyes that are open to all that is around me each moment, for the wisdom to realize that I have much to be thankful for, and for the PACIENCIA to fully experience each day as a gift from God.

oficina

2009-09-21T14:28:00.000-07:00

(Ok this picture is of me and my friend Nimia coming back from a trip in the campo ... and YES that is snow on the ground! AHHHHH!!!)

So … what am I actually DOING in Peru? Not every day is a dance festival, campaign launching march, or trip out to a community. In fact, most days I spend sitting in front of my computer in the OFICINA of Paz y Esperanza.

To be quite honest … I don’t really like it. I guess you could say it’s helping me realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing work like this. There are 0 (that’s literally ZERO) windows in the entire office, making it really cold all the time. Everyone is very busy doing their own thing, and I often find it difficult to connect with people during the day because they’re always rushing around. We start at 8 am and end at 6 pm (including a 2 hour lunch break), but most people still look at me funny when I leave at 6 because everyone stays until at least 7:30. And what makes it even harder is that the actual work I’m doing right now is writing in Spanish, which, although my speaking has definitely improved over the last 3 months, is still a huge challenge. I get bored. And antsy. A lot.

The good news is that I really believe in the work that I’m doing. I am helping to develop curriculum to train women and men of rural communities in social skills. This is a 3-part project: self-esteem, interpersonal communication, and problem solving. Each part includes a theoretical/conceptual explanation and an activity book of practical ways to develop these skills. My work also includes trips out to communities to try out the activities that I brainstorm, as well as to interview women about how they approach problems in order to inform my work. I definitely enjoy these trips more than my time in the office!

I’ve spent the last 3 weeks working on the self-esteem “module.” It has actually been really interesting to research and write on this topic, and I am finding that it really speaks to me in my place right now. Being in a setting where everything is new and challenging is making me realize how much of my self worth I find in my achievements and in what others think of me. When I am critiqued or criticized, I often take it very personally and feel bad about myself as a person, rather than viewing it as an opportunity to improve what I have done. I am struggling to remember that I am a beloved daughter of God no matter WHAT I do or don’t do … and that is fundamental to the good self-esteem we are trying to develop in the campesinos!

While I don’t really like being in the office, I do really like a lot of the people that I work with. I am in a room with 2 other Paz employees, and I am really enjoying getting to know Mery, who sits at the desk next to me. We have started praying together every morning, and she is also always in favor of escaping from the office for a morning snack. She makes me laugh a lot because she talks to herself, too!

(Pictures of eating lunch with Anita, Milagros, Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's husband; and me and Jessica in the office). I am also enjoying spending time with coworkers Anita, Angela, Nimia, and Jessica
outside the office. I am so encouraged that they are inviting me to do more things with them, like watch a movie, go out to dinner, or hit the disco for some crazy cumbya dancing! Anita has also invited me to hang out with some of her non-work friends, and I am really loving spending time with a new friend named Milagros especially. This past week I was so excited when she took me to a coffee shop where they have Internet! The only one like that around here, I think … Yay for friends!

Please pray for me during the hours of 8am and 6pm on weekdays, as they are often very difficult ones. I am glad to have more concrete work to do, but it has still not been easy to get this work done. I am also frustrated that my supervisor is often too busy to meet with me, and when we do meet I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Pray with me that I will take to heart the things that I’m discovering about self-esteem, and the importance of realizing that God loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. What a key life lesson that I am privileged to be learning in Andahuaylas, Peru!

naturaleza

2009-09-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

I have never lived near mountains before. I remember being dazzled by the Rockies while on a family vacation in Colorado years ago. My dad jokingly told me he wouldn’t let me visit Colorado University as a prospective college because he knew I would choose it based on the sheer majesty of the view alone. There is something about nature that feeds my soul in a way nothing else does. Richard Rohr writes, “Somewhere each day we have to fall in love, with someone, something, some moment, event, phrase, animal, or person.” The Andes have captured my heart. I have fallen in love.

Snapshots of NATURALEZA

Peering out the window of my bus after a long night of bumping around on narrow winding roads to be confronted for the first time with the Andes. It took my breath away and my jaw fell open.

Walking to work every day … I am often thinking about family, praying for Luke, coming up with ideas for work … and if I happen to glance up, I stop short. How can the mountains look different each day? I could never memorize the patchwork greenery of chakras (farms) dotting the steep peaks. Light falls differently moment to moment, it seems. As tiny figures work endless hours, coaxing the earth at different times of harvest and planting, its appearance changes. Clouds move, the sky darkens and lightens, shadows fall on some chakras and not on others. Rain pitter-patters or sometimes assails. Every day a new postcard-perfect picture.

Impossible colors of the sky. Every hue of the rainbow. Every one. And sometimes multiple colors. One moment I will never forget is stepping out of a nursery school in Chaccrampa to find that it was raining ... in my particular square meter of the earth. The mountains on the other side of the valley were living their own lives. As lightning streaked across my sky, snow was blanketing others in white. And in other patches, sun was blazing. All at the same moment. And I could see it all.

Later that night ... I thought I would be swallowed up by the stars. Not only were there more than I've ever seen before ... The sky was alive! It was moving. Twinkling. Blazing. Shifting. I felt it. I could only stand in the field with my head wrenched back as far as it goes. I was swallowed by the stars, and it was breathtaking.

Laguna Pacucha on a sunny day. The whole staff ate lunch there yesterday. As we rounded a curve and it came into sight, my throat emitted involuntary sounds in response to the beauty I was seeing. My heart was bursting. The waves made tiny bumps on the surface of the bluer than blue water. The wind was blowing. Just the sound calms my whole body.

Animals in everyday life. Walking to work last week I did a double take and realized I had just passed an ENORMOUS hog that would LITERALLY be my height if it could stand. It was too fat to ever think about dreaming about imagining about knowing what standing would be like. On the side of a city street. Right in front of the courthouse. And how many times have we had to stop the car to wait for horses, sheep, pigs, goats, chickens ...

And the natural beauty of humans ... Watching Julio hold his 1 month old infant daughter. He can't hear anyone else talking. He can only stare at her face in wonder and amazement, speaking a language only she can understand. He is in awe of this miracle ... Watching 7 month old Rodrigo laugh. He is most often serious-faced. But sometimes something tickles him deep in his chubby belly and his lips start to turn up. Suddenly he just can't stop giggling. He wants so badly to tell you what he's thinking, and is overtaken with "DADADADADADA!!!!" ...

i want to put pictures to show you ... but it would not even begin to do this subject justice. suffice to say, i have been appreciating God's creation in a new way here. life is beautiful.

muchedumbres!

2009-09-07T14:43:00.001-07:00

To be honest, it wasn’t the best week. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m getting to the halfway point and realizing on one hand that I feel like I’ve barely done anything very useful, but realizing on the other hand that I still have 3 long months left (Mom and I like to call it the "third lap of the mile" syndrome) … or maybe it’s the fact that so many of my Wheaton friends are back at school together and I’m not there … or that I just spent 2 really fun and exciting weeks, first with Dr. Kepner and then in Ayacucho … But I was really bored and frustrated being in the office 8 hours a day, and I was really homesick.

Thankfully, Friday finally came along and I started a weekend of MUCHEDUMBRES (crowds)! God seemed to know that I really needed a good ol’ dose of humanity, and I had 3 different opportunities to be around lots of people and really enjoy myself this weekend.

On Friday, Paz held the “Lanzamiento para la Campaña de Derechos Humanos en Andahuaylas” (the launching of a Human Rights Campaign in Andahuaylas). I was deemed the photographer for the event, and had a really great time running around snapping pictures of everyone! The event was mainly composed of local schools, from kindergarten up to university level, and also some local authorities. The kids all came prepared with signs and cheers, and were so excited to march across town to the plaza. Paz had balloons with the slogan of the campaign on them – “Quieres Ser Feliz? Respeta Los Derechos Humanos” (Do you want to be happy? Respect Human Rights), which I helped blow up to distribute to all the kids. The event was super colorful and exciting. When we reached the plaza, there was an hour-long program including 2 great dramas and short speeches by local authorities. I had so much fun participating in this event!!

(Above is Rodrigo, the 7 month old of 2 of my coworkers ... I'm trying to set him up with Kate Glass!! :))

On Saturday night, I had my second “muchedumbre” experience at a discoteca on the Andahuaylas plaza! I went with 2 friends from work, Angela and Nimia, and we met up with 4 of their friends. We had a great time dancing the night away, and I was shocked that I was still going at 3am, the latest I’ve stayed up here so far!! It felt so funny to be shrieking out the words to “Simply the Best” at a club called “Kreazzy” along with about 100 Peruvians, and realize that I was the only gringa! Oh, globalization ☺

My third “muchedumbre” was on Sunday afternoon at the Andahuaylas stadium, where an Andahuaylas fútbol team played an Abancay (neighboring state) team. Because of a small misunderstanding, I got left at home and had to make my way to the stadium alone to meet Papá and Yordani … meaning that I got to battle the crowds at the ticket counter alone, and search about 10,000 Peruvian faces to find them once I got inside!! Thankfully, I’m pretty easy to spot, so they found me first ☺ The teams were pretty evenly matched, which made for a really good game, and we scored 2 goals in the last 10 minutes to win! Also really exciting was an injury on the other team that brought out an ambulance, at least 10 paramedics, and about 6 policemen with shields!

After these fun events, I’m thankfully starting this week a little more excited to be here. There’s something about sharing the human experience with others that just makes life so much more enjoyable. I’m figuring out that it’s important for me to take every opportunity that I can to be with others here – and there is plenty going on in this vibrant Peruvian life! My biggest prayer right now is that I will be able to really DWELL here, to really EMBRACE life here. I'm so thankful for the relationships that I am slowly building, and that I finally feel like I'm starting to really share life with others. However, it is still tempting to escape, to hold back. I want to jump into life with both feet!!

Como siempre, les agradezco por su apoyo, su amor, y sus oraciones! Con MUCHOS abrazos … Christinita

lágrimas

2009-08-31T14:43:00.000-07:00

I was immediately drawn to the joyful baby in the room. He was the only person younger than me, and he drew attention in his own right with his energetic and bubbly personality. He started giggling at me as I poked his chubby cheeks and told his mother how adorable he was. I gestured to her that I wanted to hold him, and as she handed him over she joked that she wanted me to take my new “novio” (boyfriend) to the US with me when I leave. Everyone started laughing and got a big kick out of how much I enjoyed holding my “novio” and making him laugh with silly faces.

One would never have guessed that this group of 15 individuals were arranging flowers for the burial of their relatives, murdered by the government 25 years ago. 92 brilliant bouquets.

Three days later, in Putis, I watched in despair as she stood over the casket of her relative, still carrying her precious baby boy. Her eyes filled with tears, and they spilled over onto her face. I felt mine fill as well, but I tried desperately to hold them back. I didn’t feel worthy enough to cry, to join in this pain. I knew that I could feel only the tip of the iceberg of what this woman and so many Peruvians feel.

I carried a casket for the first time in my life. 92 white caskets, some marked with names, but most bearing codes. C90. C91. C92. They didn’t weigh much. Many were children. All are now bones, fragments of a person.

As the ceremony drew to a close, an older woman took the microphone and began speaking forcefully in Quechua. She grew more and more agitated, her voice growing huskier, her words dissolving into tears, and then into deep sobs. Someone near me translated, “We are innocent! The government did this to us!” The woman started yelling, sobbing, screaming, “JUSTICIA! JUSTICIA! JUSTICIA!”

I stood at the bottom of the hill watching the caskets being carried to their final resting place. Everyone was crying, many near hysteria. “What can I do to help?” I kept asking. “Acompáñales” was the reply – accompany them, be with them.

I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I stood there and cried. I cried for the baby boy and his mother, I cried for the woman begging for justice, I cried for the young woman who was sexually abused by soldiers for three days in prison, I cried for the children in the 92 caskets in front of me, I cried for the relatives who are still searching for C79, C26, C43 … The LAGRIMAS (tears) wouldn’t stop.

A woman came up and embraced me as I cried, saying, “Gracias por amarnos” … “Thank you for loving us.”

I have done a lot of crying in the last 3 months. But this weekend, my tears were converted from self-centered longing for home, to tears of empathy for the suffering people around me. Thank God. Don’t get me wrong, I still called Luke sobbing when I got back to my hotel that night, exhausted and frustrated and emotionally fried after 3 long days of ceremonies for the victims of Putis. But I can feel God working in my heart the longer I stay here. He is opening my eyes to see those around me, and He is giving me more and more love for them in their suffering. May He continue that process in all of our lives. Even when it causes us many lágrimas.

Kepner and Kirschner: las Christines!

2009-08-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Saludos from Ayacucho, Peru, which is a long 9 hour bus ride full of steep winding curves from Andahuaylas. Seriously, we had to do a three point turn to get around a few of them, and the really depressing thing is when you look down and realize youve climbed a total of about a foot. But Im here!! I came for the weekend to visit with Solomon Martinez (he is doing his internship with Paz here in Ayacucho), Holly Braun (Ayacucho HNGR alum 07), and Claire Jackson (Quito HNGR alum 08)! It was a wonderful weekend of speaking English, cuddling, eating pizza, laughing, hanging out with Hollys amazing host family, and lots of chapla (flat bread, sooo good). I was planning on going back to Andahuaylas last night but decided to stay the whole week because of a big event going on here this coming weekend.

Peru went through a terrible “conflicto armado“ during the 80s and 90s, and it has really affected the people and culture here today. You may have heard of the Communist group the Shining Path (Sendero Luminoso). The campesinos often got right in the middle conflicts between this group and the government, and thousands of innocents were murdered. I am slowly realizing that every person I meet and talk to here has their own tragic story from that time, whether they lost brothers, fathers, mothers, or friends, or whether they witnessed terrible acts of violence, or whether they have been financially impacted by the events that occurred. Ayacucho is one of the areas that has been most affected by this violence. This weekend, there is a special event going on in Putis, a region of Ayacucho, where over 90 bodies were found in a mass grave. They were murdered in cold blood by the government. Paz is hosting this event to give the families who are left behind closure, as well as to use this horrific event as an example of what happened all over Peru, to raise awareness and to create more of a passion for justice and reparation. I encourage you to watch the video at this link to learn more about this. Im excited to be here during this time, especially because the Ayacucho office has a Mental Health team that I can shadow and learn from. Also, kind of exciting that I get to be on TV tomorrow morning!! Holly, Claire, Solomon, a Mexican friend, and I were interviewed about why we came to attend these events. Please be praying this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday during these very important events.

http://www.pazyesperanza.org/ayacucho/index.html

Wanted to tell you all about my amazing visit with Dr. Christine Kepner this past week as well!! How fun that we are both Christine Ks ... although it kind of confused everyone here a little bit :) She arrived last Sunday in the morning and spent the whole week with me until Friday morning. Im sorry I dont have pictures quite yet, but I will put some up when I get back to Andahuaylas next week.

Dr. Kepner was a huge encouragement to me. It was super awesome that she speaks Spanish so perfectly (shes a Spanish professor at Wheaton), and she was so wonderful about being an advocate for me both with my host family and especially at the office. We had a really productive meeting with Lupe, my supervisor here, and I feel a lot better about my time in the office, as we were able to figure out more specifically what is expected of me. Dr. Kepner and I also enjoyed time with my host family exploring Andahuaylas a little bit (and even discovered a monument to a Peruvian author she likes, José María Arguedas!), a delicious lunch at the beautiful Laguna Pacucha with some coworkers, a trip out to some communities with some amazing views of the mountains, and more. I especially enjoyed just being able to verbalize and process in English some of the things I have been experiencing and battling in my time here. She was an amazing support. Thank you Dr. Kepner!

Sorry to be short and picture-less, but because this trip was unexpected I didnt bring my own computer, so Im bumming off others.

As always, I appreciate all your love and support and prayers. Thinking a lot about my Wheaton friends (and my baby sister) heading back to school tomorrow!! It makes me miss you all even more. I hope the first few days go smoothly. And for the student teachers, especially Haley, Abby, and Luke! Im so proud of you and I know you can do it!!

Mucho amor, y muuuuchos abrazos, Christine

vivir JUNTOS

2009-08-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

While living here I have been doing a lot of thinking about community. I have been thrust into a new and unfamiliar world, and sometimes it is so difficult not to revert into my comfort zone, to hide within myself, to hold back. Other times, though, I have little choice but to just ... live! One of the continuing jokes about me both in the office and at home is that I'm like a "niña" (little girl) in so many ways ... I have to depend on other people for EVERYTHING! I don't really like feeling incompetent ... but I am definitely learning so much, especially about what it means to be part of a unit rather than living my life as an independent individual. I decided to write a poem about the experiences that are teaching me this. The formatting is a little off here, but you get the idea. It's called "Vivir JUNTOS" (To live together)

VIVIR JUNTOS

Vivir juntos …
Means that when we come across a boulder blocking the path of the car,
We all get out and push.

When the gringa takes a bucket shower for the first time,
Mamá gently sponge bathes her, wiping away the dirt.
No shame.

Involves meetings that go for hours … lots of yawning … boredom …
I don’t understand, but I am. I am there.

Means we all eat the same food.
Even if we don’t like it. Even if it’s burned. Even if we aren’t used to it.
We eat together.
And when there is no food,
we don’t. No one does.

Means your friend is mine. Your sister is mine.
Your newborn daughter is my niece. I rejoice in her life with you … as much as you do.
I hold her to my heart.
Is laughter and tickles. When I make a mistake, you laugh … and so do I.
Your joy is mine. My joy is yours.
Is cuddling in bed. Is sharing body heat in the cold of the night.
Is placing your cold feet under my warm ones.
Is crying with you. Is hearing your story as if it were mine.
As if I had been beaten by my own brother.
As if I had been threatened by my own husband.
As if I had been neglected by my own mother.
Is entering your hurts without trying to escape, explain, fix.
Means washing clothes and cooking and cleaning on Saturdays. No one leaves until we’re done.
We.
Means watching TV. Lots of it. Disney movies I have seen a thousand times.
Only now in Spanish.
Means learning more than teaching.
Validating what you know.
Accepting.
Quietly. Patiently.
Means being late. Waiting for you to
brush your hair, finish your knitting, drink your tea, change your clothes again …
Involves being without doing.
Involves taking interest in what interests you.
Involves disagreeing but respecting. Being offended but not lashing out.
Offending but accepting forgiveness. Listening and not just hearing.
Means crowded buses, forced to all but embrace you, a stranger sitting on my lap.
This is how we go to work together.
Means that when I’m angry at you, you can tell. And I tell you.
And we still do life together.
When I look sad you ask why. And I tell you.
Or if you don’t ask why, I don’t hold it against you.
Sharing. When you are hungry, you buy 2 oranges.
One for you and one for me.
When there is only one mattress,
We sleep on it together.
Sacrificing. When it’s your turn to pay, but you don’t have anything,
I pay. Without worrying that you’ll pay me back.
When I want to sleep, but you want to talk,
I listen.
Accompanying. When I have things to do, but you have an errand to run,
I go. Without rushing you.
When you want me to be more than I think that I am,
I am.
Waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting. Why am I here? To be with you.
Your reality is my reality is our reality.
Vivimos JUNTOS.

May God continue to teach us to rely on one another and to rely on Him. What a blessing to live in community! Thank you for being in community with me by sharing my experiences through reading this blog and through praying for me. I am so blessed!!

Love, Christinita

inocentes

2009-08-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

As unbelievable as it sounds, I have already been to TWO baby showers in Andahuaylas since I got here about a month ago! I don’t think I’ve ever been to one before coming here. It has been so much fun to take part in the festivities, which in some ways are just the same as I imagine they would be in the States … and in other ways are very different. For one thing, I was surprised to find out that Peruvians, too, call it a baby shower … and had to laugh when people asked me what it means in English, because I realized that I have no idea why we call it a baby “shower”! Also really funny that the sign on the wall at one of them read “Babi Shawer.”

One of the baby showers I went to was about 2 weeks ago, and the baby was born on Monday! My coworker Carolina had a c-section and here is a picture of her beautiful baby girl, Andrea Mercedes. I got to go to the hospital yesterday to visit her. It was precious to watch her big sister and her daddy interact with baby Andrea as well. I was just amazed at the miracle of life.

What a tragedy to get news of the death of Wheaton College student Alex Heidengren the same day that precious Andrea was born. I feel so far from the situation, but I am praying for the Wheaton community and especially for his family and Jon, his older brother, my “brother” from Fischer days. As joyful as it is that I have gotten to go to 2 baby showers, I have also been given the opportunity to go to 2 wakes already in my time here, as well. As life begins for one, it ends for another, it seems. As some rejoice in the gift of a new child, others grieve at the loss of another. There is so much I don’t understand about life and death.

In Spanish, sometimes the word INOCENTE is used to describe children, babies, and those whose minds are still “clean,” as it was explained to me. I started thinking about this in terms of “children of God,” and it just seems so fitting that when we become His children, we become His INOCENTES! We are “reborn,” as baby Andrea was born … and we are proclaimed INOCENTE once again.

Want to share with you some precious pictures of some INOCENTES that I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the last few weeks. There is something about children that just puts a smile on my face. I’ve been so glad to be around so many pregnant ladies, babies, and children here! I think I really missed that dynamic of real life while I was constantly in the company of peers at Wheaton.

(the one below is of a new father with his 1-day-old baby! He was so excited, it was the cutest thing ever)

As always, thank you for your support and encouragement and prayers while I am here. After my last blog post I have heard from several people that they are worried about me … but I want to reassure you that, as I struggle here, I am becoming more and more certain that I am supposed to be here. I am learning so much … and I am so thankful for the opportunity to be here, as difficult as it is sometimes (no joke, someone JUST came up to me and told me they are worried about my pimples! Again!). God has a plan for my time in Peru … and for my life.

Miss and love you all!!
Muchos abrazos electronicos … Christine

humildad

2009-08-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 12:9&10 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

As I have mentioned in a few previous posts, the 3 big things that God is teaching me here so far are dependence on Him, patience in uncertainty, and HUMILDAD (humility). I am big time realizing that I don’t have it all together. It is happening in both big and small ways, both serious and somewhat humorous ways …

#1: As many of you probably know, pretty much the only things I can cook are breakfast foods, and I’ve been missing the yummy breakfasts I like to whip up with the Breakfast Club (shout out Jess, Deb, and Daniel!) and Luke (I love you), so I decided to make an “all-American” breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausage, and fruit salad for my host family. I was so excited! I got the recipe for pancakes from my mom (this wasn’t your fault, mommy) last week and eagerly checked with my host mom to make sure we had everything. She assured me we only needed a few things, which we went out and bought together. Sunday morning I woke up excited to cook and headed down to the kitchen and started gathering my materials … only to discover that we had neither flour nor eggs. So I waited about a half hour for my host mom to go buy some. When she got back, my host sister Talita and I got to work on everything … which took longer than usual because we had to make the pancake batter from scratch. We tried to cook the pancakes on the open fire because it would be quicker … and every single pancake got burned, so we headed back into the regular kitchen to use the stove … which took forever. FINALLY, everything was ready, and we sat down to eat. I nervously introduced the family to the food, and served everyone. Yordani was super enthusiastic, saying how much he LOVED everything, and Talita acted like she like the pancakes too. My host parents, however, were not quite as excited. “They’re too thick. Are they supposed to be this way? They’re really doughy in the middle. You should have cooked them longer. Why did this take so long? Now we’re going to be late!” And they promptly brought out the regular pan and desayuno and ate that instead.

Ouch. I was crushed. And kind of angry. What made me mad was that they were right!

#2: I had a meeting with my supervisor Lupe a few weeks ago to try to arrange everything for the next few months. I mentioned to her that I have been feeling really overwhelmed by some of the expectations people have of me, thinking that I can give counseling advice to traumatized people and such. Her response to me was, “This is just a question, but why did your university send you here if you’re not equipped to help?”

I bristled, feeling like I had totally just been dissed. I started blubbering about how I think I DO have something to offer here … but gave up and admitted that, in the end, I think I’m really here to learn, and I really am NOT that equipped … and that anything I’m able to do here is by God’s grace.

#3: My skin has been really acting up here. And EVERYONE likes to talk about it. “What are you doing about your pimples? Why does that happen to you? Have you tried this? Have you tried that?” (Gram, I know you always apologize about genetically giving me these problems, but I think it's the circumstances, not you!)

I get really defensive about it, wishing people could just politely ignore the fact that my body was created this way, and it is actually reacting normally to the stress of being thousands of miles away from my comfort zone and the people I love! Although in the end, I realize they really want to help …

#4: I have come face to face with my own limitations every single day with the language barrier that I encounter with every single person. Sometimes it’s “just” the stress of trying to speak Spanish … and then other times Quechua is added onto that! I make so many mistakes, and I am so limited in my conversation possibilities …

I feel so frustrated all the time, and I hate that I have this inadequacy.

None of these humbling experiences feel good (and these are just 4 brief examples!). In fact, they feel terrible!! I often am driven to tears, embarrassed, annoyed, and angry … and confused by all the references in the Psalms to the fact that those whose hope is in the Lord “will never be put to shame” – because I often feel REALLY ashamed!

One super encouraging verse I came across this last month comes right after the time when Peter heals the crippled beggar by simply saying “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Peter then preaches the Name of Jesus, convicting the people of rejecting Him and calling them to embrace “times of refreshing” that God offers through His Son. The authorities get all upset and seize Peter and John … but Peter just keeps preaching to them! Then Acts 4:13 says,

“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.”

WOW! I have been so challenged by the fact that so many of Jesus’ most faithful and most famous followers have been “unschooled, ordinary,” and weak! They didn’t have it all together either!! But … they “had been with Jesus.” That makes me so excited about what God might do through me. I am weak … but HE is strong! And I have been with Him, and He is still with me, and will never leave me.

May we all learn, as Paul did, to BOAST in our weaknesses, because “when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Here are some pictures from a trip I took earlier this week to some communities in the district of Chaccrampa. I went to help interview some parents of kindergarten-age children to find out what families are doing to develop personal and cultural identity in their young children. It was really interesting, and also fun to spend time with 2 coworkers, Nimia and Angela!

gringa

2009-07-31T06:41:00.000-07:00

(sorry, the pics don't really line up with my words ... hope you can understand anyway!)

This week … I relished my status as a GRINGA (white girl), enjoying 5 days as a genuine tourist in Cuzco! Seriously, there are more foreigners than Peruvians in that city … and more English than any other language, which was a nice break! I was so thankful to get to spend this time with Solomon Martinez, a fellow HNGR intern whose internship site, Ayacucho, is about a 10 hour drive from Andahuaylas. It was so great to get to debrief our time so far, and we also took full advantage of our time in this tourist city … even enjoying McFlurries and pizza!!

We took a night bus on Friday, arriving at about 4:30am. We crashed at my coworker Angela’s place for a few hours and then spent the rest of Saturday getting to Aguas Calientes, aka Machu Picchu Pueblo. It basically exists to house and feed extranjeros on their way to Machu Picchu. One kind of funny thing is that literally almost every restaurant there calls itself a “pizzeria”! I guess that’s what most foreigners want … and as I’ve already confessed, guilty here!

On Sunday we got up super early to get in line for the bus to Machu Picchu. It was so worth getting up early to get to see it with less tourists crawling all over … This place is AMAZING!! A TON of walking (my feet and legs are still sore!), but the views are incredible. It is so fascinating to think about the history of the ruins as well. I can’t believe it was only “discovered” in 1911! I took a ton of pictures … enjoy ☺

After exploring Machu Picchu from 6:30am until almost 1pm, we headed back to Aguas Calientes and relaxed the rest of the day. Monday morning we headed back toward Cuzco via Ollantaytambo, another town with really cool ruins. This was probably my second favorite part of the trip – the pueblo is still original Inca construction, there’s a really cool artisan market, and we hiked around the ruins for quite awhile before taking a taxi the rest of the way back to Cuzco.
We purchased a “tourist ticket” that let us go into several museums, ruins, and a really beautiful native dance show, which is what we did the rest of Monday and all day Tuesday. Those nights we spent at a crazy hostel replete with 20-and-30-something Europeans and Americans, sleeping in a room with 8 other people … I enjoyed the free internet and hot shower a lot ☺ Wednesday morning we hopped on the bumpy bus back to Andahuaylas, arriving back at my house at about 5pm, TIRED. I totally recommend the Machu Picchu trip … although it is quite expensive, and requires a ton of walking.

Being a “gringa” here has been interesting. I stand out because of my white skin, greenish eyes, less-than-great Spanish, lighter brown hair, and especially my size – just tonight, I was out shopping for a birthday cake with a coworker and a little girl looked up at me, wide-eyed, and commented “You’re big! Do you eat a lot? You’re bigger than everyone in this store!!” Sometimes it’s really strange when people remind me of how different I am … because I forget that I look so very different from them. I guess I like to pretend that I fit in. But then every other person on the street starts practicing their English, or a coworker asks me for my computer when I leave, or the taxi driver tries to rip me off, or a little kid yells out “Hola, gringita!”

It’s not always very fun to be the outsider … or to be automatically associated with the United States. It was interesting to be in Cuzco for Peruvian Independence Day (July 28) ... We saw this poster hung up in the plaza underneath a sign reading "Somos libros?" (Are we free?), and there were spaces for people to write down there thoughts and opinions. Ouch.

I have been thinking a lot about my identity while I’m here. It reminds me of the days of being called “bature” in Nigeria, as well! Sometimes, I fall too easily into the role of privileged foreigner … and other times it really bothers me. And what have I done to deserve to be able to afford an awesome vacation to Cuzco? In reality, nothing ... As people stereotype me, I think about the many times I’ve stereotyped others. It doesn’t make me feel too good. I’m sure I’ll continue to learn about this throughout the rest of my time here (unless I figure out a way to get really tan, dye my hair, and … shrink?).

Now I’m back to work … still hoping to fall into some kind of routine, but trying to go with the flow. Things at home are still great, and I was excited to meet Talita, my host sister, upon my return to Andahuaylas! I’m looking forward to spending time with the host fam this weekend.

Please be in prayers for my family this week – as I write this, they are en route to Nigeria! Pray for Katie, who is “alone” in Chicago … and for Mom, Dad, Steph, and Jon, who will be adjusting to Jos life again … I love you all and wish we were all together, fam!

Love to everyone … thanks for your continued encouragement and prayers. Still homesick, but feeling better about life in general ☺

familia

2009-07-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

One of the best parts of being in Peru has been living with my wonderful host FAMILIA! While work at the office has been frustrating and I often feel like I'm a waste of space, I always look forward to walking home to spend time with Grimaldo, Elizabeth, and Yordani. And although a little sad, it was actually encouraging this weekend when Grimaldo and Elizabeth both separately asked me why I was sad, if I missed Luke, if I was homesick ... because it shows me that we are finally getting to know one another better! I am so thankful to be part of a family unit. It has been the simple things that have been immense blessings, like sitting in the store with Elizabeth yesterday while she knitted and I read ... like teaching Yordani how to play Crazy 8's (miss you, Oma!) ... like eating every meal together ... like spending time snuggling in Mamá and Papá's bed every night watching TV before we all go to sleep. It has been so important to finally find a "place to belong" of sorts. (this is the "inside" of the house - there are 2 kitchens and a bathroom and a meeting room on this floor, and then our bedrooms and another bathroom upstairs. I love all the plants!)

Each chilly morning I wake up around 6:15 and spend some time with the Lord. This has been extremely life-giving and important for my daily functioning. That is one thing about times where we feel completely weak, inadequate, and at the end of our ropes - during these times, we realize how VITAL God's faithfulness and presence and daily provision are! I head down to the kitchen around 7 and do what I can to help Mamá, who usually already has everything set to go. I have really only been able to help wash dishes and sweep pretty much - she is super organized and I'm still trying to figure out how she has time to cook, clean, and go to work every day! For breakfast we usually have bread with a hot drink made out of some kind of grain (kind of like drinkable oatmeal). Sometimes we all eat together, but usually Mamá and I eat earlier because we have work earlier.

I leave for the office at 7:30, and walk 30 minutes to get there. I have come to really enjoy this time to think and pray, as well as for exercise. My time at the office has been pretty unstructured so far, but that will probably change soon, as my supervisor has finally told me that we are going to make a master plan of my time here! My type-A personality says YAYYY!

I walk home for lunch at 1pm, arriving around 1:30. Mamá and Yordani are usually ready to eat when I get there, and Papá arrives shortly after I do. Lunch is the biggest meal of the day. After lunch, I sometimes have time to relax, wash the dishes, or hang out with Yordani before heading back to work, either on foot or on the bus, arriving back at the office at 3. We work until about 6, and then I take the bus home again. In the evenings, we eat dinner (smaller than lunch) and hang out until about 9, and snuggle in Mamá and Papá's bed until about 10, when I am exhausted and go to bed.

Papá goes to church pretty much every evening, and always invites me to go with. I don't go every time, but I think he appreciates the company, because Yordani and Elizabeth usually only go on Sunday nights. He is very enthusiastic about his faith. He prays very passionately, and has given a message in church twice in the 2 weeks I've been with the family. I love his tousled hair and big smile. I have the most trouble understanding his Spanish, probably because he is really funny and always telling jokes, which are often very fast and use vocabulary with which I'm not familiar! We are learning how to understand each other better though. Papá has a motorcycle ... and I am proud to say that I enjoyed my first motorcycle ride ever in Perú with him! He says he's going to teach me how to drive it!

Mamá is also really hilarious and smiles and laughs a lot. I love to hear her call out "hija mia!" (my daughter!) whenever she wants me to come down to the kitchen. She wants to teach me how to cook and wash clothes so that I'll be a good wife someday :) She does everything she can to make me feel accepted and loved, and I have so appreciated her efforts to make me feel at home ... even down to helping me take a bucket bath!! I hope to be able to help out around the house more, even though I'm far from "domestic" in terms of the kind of work she has to do every day to keep the family running! She has been so patient, though, and I look forward to getting closer to her with time.

Yordani, too, has been really accepting and helpful as I adjust to life here. He's 12, and has been such a good dose of play and fun for me. I think he has appreciated my presence, too, because he loves to teach me new words in Spanish, as well as display all his knowledge of the US and learn all he can about life there. This has been great for me, because I've learned a lot from him, too, and he never tires of my endless questions about culture, Spanish, food, and everything else I'm trying to figure out. It is also so rewarding to see his big smile whenever I greet him "Hermanito! Cómo estás?" (Little brother! How are you?). He spends a lot of time taking care of the store in the front of the house that the family owns, as he only goes to school from 8am to 1pm.

I have yet to meet Taly, my 18-year-old host sister who is studying medicine in Bolivia. She will arrive for vacation this week sometime, and the other 3 members of my host family are EXTREMELY excited to see her! I'm really looking forward to spending time with her, as well, after hearing so much about her. I'll be sure to include a picture of her as soon as I can.

We also have 2 dogs - Esnoopy and Pequy (short for Pequeña, which means Tiny - the brown one) - who have finally accepted me as part of the family and don't bark at me quite as much! We also have some birds which sing cheerfully from about 3am til dark ...

And we have cuy in the kitchen to take care of biodegradable trash!

I have enjoyed spending the last 2 weekends with the family. Mamá and Papá play a lot of volleyball teams from work, so I've watched quite a few games, and played with them some as well. I also got to go swimming yesterday, in FREEZING cold water! I didn't last too long, but I was glad for the chance ... and hope to go again maybe after this winter season is over!

Thanks to all who prayed for me to be placed with a loving host family - God has definitely answered! Please pray for continued bonding time with them, and that I would be a blessing to them even as I have received so many blessings through them.

My other biggest prayer request is for the work situation, which just continues to get me down. Sometimes I'm really overwhelmed, and other times completely bored. I'm tired of the rollercoaster and hopeful that it will even out with time ... but also trying to be content exactly where I am right now.

Thanks for supporting me through this crazy journey! As always, would love to hear from you about what's going on in your life!

Estar, Escuchar, y Esperar

2009-07-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

I am learning so much here. Every day I have moments where I ask myself, "Why the heck am I here??" ... but as I reflect on all the things God is teaching me, I realize that being in Peru is so much bigger than learning Spanish, doing a great independent study, or really connecting with my host family (although I still hope to do all those things!!). With so many of my supports and comforts stripped away, I feel really raw. But it is forcing me to my knees at the feet of the Savior, and for that I can say THANK YOU LORD. I am called to be obedient day by day, step by step, moment by moment ... This is a little terrifying for a control freak like me. I would love to have my 5-month plan all set to go at this moment. However, I think God has something else in mind. He is teaching me so much DEPENDENCE! He is also teaching me to ESTAR, ESCUCHAR, y ESPERAR.

ESTAR:
The "Access to Justice" branch of Paz y Esperanza is developing a training program for community leaders throughout the districts of Andahuaylas and Chincheros. 40 selected leaders will be trained to be "Defensoras Comunitarias" (effectively, Community Defenders) through capacitation in domestic violence, human rights, etc. They will have small offices in their communities where they will help community members with legal processes. This past week, I took 2 trips to a community 2 and a half hours away from Andahuaylas called Uripa, where Paz hosted 3 election meetings to choose these
Defensoras Comunitarias. In theory, I was there to help ... but in reality, what I mostly did was ESTAR (be). These meetings lasted between 2 and 4 hours each, and every time, I was the awkward gringa standing in front of everyone, unable to understand what was going on (it was mostly in Quechua). I would have loved to be the one talking, explaining how important it is to defend community rights, showing how much I know about it ... But I COULDN'T. I felt so helpless. I felt like it was a waste. And then I was further humbled when presented with a gift by some of the leaders! But what I'm realizing is the fact that sometimes we can't always DO something ... but we do have to BE. I realized this again last night when I went to the wake of a relative of my host mom's. I didn't even know the woman. I didn't have any encouraging words to say about her life or where she is now. But I could BE there. And sometimes that is the most important thing.

ESCUCHAR: "This 9 year old girl was molested by her father. Can you talk to her?"
"My daughter witnessed her father being unfaithful to me with my sister. Doctor Psychologist, what should I say to her?"
"My brother beat me on Friday, but I can't tell the police because he has a pregnant wife and 3 children, and what will they do without him?"
"My husband abandoned me and my children, 5 and 2 years old, and now we have nothing to eat."
Each of these situations were explained to me in the last week. Each time, I was introduced as a "psychologist." Each time, I felt my stomach drop and I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream out, "I've only had 3 years of college, and I'm FAR from being a psychologist! I don't even know if that's what I want to be!" But each time, the most important thing to do was ESCUCHAR. I am finding out that there is a desperate need for psychologists in this area (in a state of 700,000 people, there are only 8 psychologists, and not many of them speak Quechua). I am no psychologist. But I do have 5 months of my time to LISTEN. This is a lesson that I hope to take with me the rest of my life, whether or not I continue in psychology. There are so many people out there that just need someone to listen to them.

ESPERAR: I recently realized that the word esperar in Spanish means both "to wait" and "to hope." I mean, I've used the word in both contexts plenty of times, but I think there is something special about the fact that waiting and hoping are represented by the same verb. I have had a LOT of time to just think this past week - lots of time in the car, lots of time listening to a language I don't understand, lots of time watching my host parents play volleyball ... A lot of the time, I was daydreaming about Luke (heehee) or thinking about what I wanted to eat :) ... but I hope to transform my waiting into hoping. I don't just want to WAIT around, I want to be HOPEFUL that Jesus is coming again ... that He will transform the darkness into light ... that He will use me in my weakness. Sometimes, too, I think I need to transform my hoping into waiting! Instead of saying, "I HOPE God will use me," I want to say that "I am WAITING for God to use me." I love words :) And praise God I think my Spanish IS improving!!

Just wanted to share a few of the lessons I'm learning here. Each day continues to be a battle, but I'm thankful that I can reflect on what I'm learning and not view EVERYTHING as a waste. Some other happy reports:

1. I LOVE being with my host family! More about them next time, but a definite highlight is finding out that they like to all cuddle in Mamá and Papá's bed every night to watch TV before going to sleep.

2. I successfully gave a 2 hour lecture on domestic violence to forty 13-16 year olds IN SPANISH yesterday! I was so terrified (and would have been even if it had been in English), but it went really well.

(you can spot me pretty much anywhere with this awesome yellow jacket that I'm rocking pretty much every day. It is COLD at night and in the mornings!!)

3. I'm getting more exercise, as the office is a half hour walk from home and I'm able to do it twice or three times a day usually. I feel physically a lot better!!

Please continue praying for comfort for my heart as I still struggle for joy in loneliness ... for all of these people that I encounter who have so much pain in their lives, and that God would give me understanding and wisdom to know when and how to speak and when to listen ... and that God would give me the strength to be obedient in the little things. I had a great talk with my wonderful friend Ashley this week (love you girl!). She is struggling with a lot of the same things that I am, but in Venezuela! We realized that our struggles are a lot like weightlifting: We do it because we want to be strong, but we wish we didn't have to do it. We wish we could just want to be strong, and POOF, we could become strong! And while we are lifting the weights, IT HURTS! And it actually makes us feel weaker for awhile. But over time, we heal. And we become stronger. And as a Christian, I guess I can also be praising God that I feel weak, because in my weakness, His strength is more visible!! But it is not easy.

THANK YOU again for prayers and encouragement. I always love to hear from everyone, so please update me on your life as well!!

Love, Christine

DIOS

2009-07-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

This has been my toughest week so far, dear friends and family. I was so excited to finally be going to Andahuaylas to start my new life here ... but I think it just kind of hit me when I got here that I will be here for over 5 more months! I started feeling a lot of despair and loneliness, and was quickly overwhelmed upon arrival at the Paz office as I thought about how unqualified I am and how little I have to offer. Everyone continues to be very hospitable and generous, but it has been easy to feel "alone in a crowd" ... partly because I just started getting to know people, but also largely because I still lack the vocabulary I need to really get to know people deeply, or even to understand what's going on sometimes. It was also really difficult to think about the Verschoor side of the family being together in Chicago to celebrate the 4th together! I wished so much that I was there.

HOWEVER ... there have been many bright spots in the gray of the last week ... and the title of this post is DIOS, because the Lord has not abandoned me! He continues to show me His faithfulness in provision and knowledge of His presence, and He continues teaching me dependence on Him, patience in frustrating circumstances, and humility to realize that His strength is most visible when I am weak! These have not been easy lessons, and I'm surely not finished learning them ... but I know I am not alone. God has provided many opportunities for me to be encouraged by friends and family by allowing me to talk to them online (my family, Luke, Emily G, Courtney, Meghan, Ashley to name a few - THANK YOU for supporting me!). I think my biggest prayer request right now is that God would provide a community here where I can support and be supported, participate, give, and receive ... I am really craving love and attention, and real friendship!! Oh 6 months feels so long right now ... I miss you all :(

But here are 3 highlights from the week!!:

Last Wednesday I went out with my supervisor Lupe to a community called Ongoy. It was supposed to be a 3 hour drive, but ended up being a little more because we got a flat tire ... This drive was absolutely GORGEOUS! I took over 60 pictures just on the ride there!! Here is one of them ... I was overwhelmed by the beauty, and was so thankful to feel God's presence through nature. He is such an awesome creator!

The best part of Ongoy was playing soccer and volleyball with these Quechua-speaking women! It was so much fun to laugh with them as I made a fool of myself, and as their shoes fell off while they kicked the ball ... We had a great time.
(If you can't find me in the pic, I'm the tall gringa with a Cubs hat on - shout out to the Wulbeckers, I've been rocking this hat thinking of you Cubs fans!!)

On Saturday I went to the "Festival de Nispero" with some friends from the office. Kirschner side of the family, I've never been to the Cherry Festival, but I think that's kind of the idea ... They had all kinds of "nispero" foods. Here are candied nisperos - they're really sweet!

We even won free tshirts from the sponsoring cooperative!! I also bought a sombrero to match my friends ... it shades my face from the hot sun very well.

On my left are Ana and Angela from the office, and the other 2 women are friends of Angela's. We enjoyed some music for awhile and just rested on the lawn ... until the long awaited ...

MIS NISPERO 2009 competition!! Yes, a fashion show. There were 8 contestants, 3 rounds - traditional clothing, swimsuit (this caused a stampede, seriously), and elegant dresses. What a riot!! Here are some of the contestants on the stage in traditional clothing. Oh, and there were guys onstage to help them down to the runway. Crazy!!

My third highlight is that I finally moved in with my host family yesterday! I am so looking forward to living in a home with a family. My initial impressions from yesterday and today are that they are very loving and generous, and that this will be a really good experience for all of us (I hope!). My host parents are Grimaldo and Elizabeth, and they have a 13 year old son named Jordany and an 18 year old daughter named Talita who is studying medicine in Cochebamba, Bolivia (shout out, Emily G!!). She will be home for vacation when she finishes her exams in about a week. Also living in the house are a young woman named Lourdes and her brother Danny who study at a school nearby ... 2 dogs (one is an adorable puppy named Esnoopy!!) ... lots of caged birds ... and CUY (remember from last week?), which are not only eaten but run free in the kitchen and eat scraps to help keep garbage down!! How crazy!! I have my own room, and Elizabeth helped me unpack and decorate with pictures yesterday, so it is starting to feel more like home. My bed has about 6 blankets on it because it is so COLD at night! I will be returning home for lunch most days, I think, and eating breakfast and dinner with the family as well. I am so thankful for this family!!

Thank you again for your continued support, encouragement, and prayers. They have really helped me this past tough week! Please continue praying for peace and joy in my life ... for connection with my host family and coworkers ... and that the Spirit would comfort and encourage my heart as I miss all of you terribly.
Love, Christine

Comida (chifa and ceviche and cuy, OH MY!), Cruz del Sur, and Cusco

2009-06-28T18:19:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to report that I am NO LONGER in Lima!! I have made it safely to Cusco, and am leaving for Andahuaylas tomorrow night. I am SO thankful that the details have finally been ironed out and I am on my way! Thanks for praying.

This week has been pretty exciting. I spent from Tuesday to Friday at another Paz y Esperanza office in San Juan de Lurigancho, which is the largest district of Lima (a million people!). Grace, a young woman from California who is volunteering at the San Juan office for a 2 year term, was so kind to let me stay in her apartment for three nights! It was wonderful to be out of a hotel and to share life with her for awhile … and also to have someone with whom I could speak English! I was also thankful that we got to exercise together (yoga, pilates, running) as I’ve really missed my daily workouts. Thanks for a great time, Grace!

On Friday night I took a CRUZ DEL SUR bus from Lima to Cusco. It left at 5:30pm and didn’t arrive in Cusco until 3:30pm on Saturday!! You would think that I’d have died from boredom (or a sore butt) … but it was actually really great! The only really tough part was using the bus’ restroom on the windy roads. It was pretty hilarious, actually. I sat by two lovely girls from Scotland and Ireland on their way to do 8 weeks of volunteering near Cusco, and it was fun to talk to them and somewhat travel together. They showed lots of movies on the bus, and also did a BINGO game! Unfortunately I didn’t win the free ticket back to Lima, but it was a good refresher on Spanish numbers. The rest of the time, I was able to sleep in the spacious reclining seat, and watch the breathtaking scenery out the window. Really, it was gorgeous. I had a wonderful time listening to music, reflecting, praying, and just watching the mountains. This is a picture from our one 10-minute stop!

When we arrived in Cusco, my Andahuaylas supervisor Lupe was there to meet me. She is from Cusco and has been gracious enough to let me stay at her house while I am here. Hanging out with her has only made me more excited to work with Paz in Andahuaylas! She is a vibrant, energetic, fun person, and a strong believer. I know I will learn so much from her these next six months, and I will also enjoy myself!

While Cusco is known for Machu Picchu, I think I’m going to have to come back and have more time to really enjoy it. It is only a 10 hour drive from here to Andahuaylas, and Lupe comes home frequently, so I will surely be back. But so far I am really enjoying this place! Today Lupe took me to the “feria” of Cusco – an annual fair with live music, a horse show, and dozens of vendors selling food, art, furniture, hats, animals, and EVERYTHING from all around Peru. It was fantastic!! We walked around all day, ate a LOT, and just enjoyed the lively atmosphere.

Here I am with an alpaca and its owner. They're really cute animals, used for their fur mostly. I think this one won some kind of prize!

And to keep with the alphabetical theme, I need to put a plug in here for Peruvian COMIDA!!! This food is amazing!!! Seriously. I have tried so many delicious “platos típicos” (typical dishes), and have really loved it so far. With very few protests from my stomach. The only time I had a little trouble was with CEVICHE (here’s a picture - before I ate it), which is basically raw fish in lemon juice. I’m working up the courage to try it again, because it is very very popular all over Peru.

Also very common is all types of CHIFA (Chinese food!). There are little Chinese restaurants all over Lima, selling chaufa (fried rice – NOT arroz frito as I quickly found out, haha. I’m always trying to create new cognates), tallarín (noodles), and all kinds of Chinese food.

I have yet to try CUY, but here they are before they are cooked. Yes, they are basically guinea pigs. I am told they are very common in Andahuaylas, so I’m preparing myself for these little guys! I can’t imagine eating one, but I am kind of intrigued by the idea … I’ll let you know how they taste.

THANK YOU as always for your prayers, support, and encouragement. I have only survived these weeks through the grace of God, as I will continue to do so in the coming months. I am so excited to report to you SOON about life in Andahuaylas. Miss you all … Really, you should come and eat Peruvian food ☺

Besos, Barcos, Bebés ... and a little bit of Bostesando

2009-06-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

In order to properly greet you today, I would give you a BESO (kiss) on the cheek.
***VIRTUAL BESO!!!***
I have come to really love this physical affection from everyone! It is such a warm way of saying hi. Check out this blogpost for some in-depth (and quite humorous) advice about besos ... from the perspective of a man who came to Perú for a "6 month internship" with Paz (sound familiar?) but ended up staying 6 years!! Don't worry, HNGR wouldn't let me do that ;)
Y mi besito?

Now that we've greeted appropriately, I need to tell you that, unfortunately, I have STILL not made it to Andahuaylas because of continuing protests throughout the country. It has been a day-by-day process of learning patience, as each day I come to the Paz office and am told "Still no, still no." This has led to some boredom and BOSTESANDO (yawning), as I feel quite useless here in the office and spent most weekdays last week on the Internet and most weeknights watching TV in my hotel. I am disappointed, as I am anxious to start my "real" internship, get to know my host family, settle into a routine, and begin my independent study ... but as so many of my faithful encouragers have reminded me, God doesn't waste any part of our lives! While I don't know why I am "stuck" here, I trust that God is teaching me and molding me in a special way here in Lima. To be sure, it has been good language practice! Also, I have been so blessed with the super-hospitable and helpful staff of Paz here in Lima. They never hint at the feeling that I've overstayed my welcome here, and are quick to do whatever they can to help me. I feel VERY cared for and loved. This is a picture of the daily Uno game during lunch break. It is hilarious to watch and participate as these sweet women get so competitive!! Also funny to me that Uno cards are in English (I was very proud to help with the pronunciation of "Wild" and "Skip"). This is one of my favorite parts of the day!

That being said, on Friday I was still nervous about spending the weekend alone, especially as I hadn't even gone out by myself! However, as he always does, God provided just what I needed. Friday night and all day Saturday I spent with a Paz coworker named Nancy, as well as her 2 completely adorable gemelitas (twins)!! We went out most of the day on Saturday. First we went to the coast, which I hadn't seen yet, and took a ride on a tiny little BARCO (boat). It was so fun to be out on the water ... although a little scary at times because this boat was TINY and we moved around a lot! After our ride, it was relaxing to just stand on the rocky beach and hear the natural sounds of the ocean waves. There's something about being out in nature. And now I finally know where all this seafood is coming from!!

Nancy and I then went to a naval museum (which admittedly brought about a little more bostesando because 1. I'm not all that crazy about the subject matter, and 2. monologues are the death of my Spanish! But we had fun just walking around and looking at stuff).

After the museum we ate lunch and walked around a little more, and then went to pick up her ADORABLE BEBES (babies!). Their names are Karin and Osyris, and they are just over a year old. These twin girls are sooo precious. I got such a kick out of taking pictures of them, watching them toddle around, listening to them try to talk ... And Nancy is supermom, seriously. I tried picking both of them up at the same time and I couldn't even hold them standing still, much less walk around!!

We took them to the "centro comercial" (a mall) and everyone was staring at them. Obviously because they're the cutest! Osyris fell asleep on my chest while we were riding home in a taxi, and it convinced me that I am totally adopting a Peruvian baby someday. :)
I love their pigtails!

And so is life for me, with besos, barcos, bebés, and a little bit of bostesando ... Please keep praying for Perú during this tough time. Pray for a quick and fair resolution, one that will benefit the nativos and not just the government. It is also dangerous for everyone traveling. And please pray that God will continue to reveal Himself to me, that I will feel His presence, and that I will patiently wait for the right time to travel to Andahuaylas. He is faithful! Thanks so much for reading ... and for all your prayers and encouragement!! Miss you all ...

Love, Christine

Acostumbrandome

2009-06-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'M IN PERU!!!! Praise God for a safe journey, kind people who have warmly received me, and relatively few stomach problems :) I am spending until Wednesday in Lima, the capital city, before I head to Andahuaylas where I will be for the rest of my time.

Realizing that I have about 26 weeks here, I have decided to update my blog once a week (as time and connection permit ...), organizing it around a word of the week following the alphabet - ie, this week is A, acostumbrandome ... meaning that I am adjusting!! I am adjusting to the food, culture, lack of hot water, and public transportation. I am adjusting to the Spanish!! I am adjusting to being away from family and friends.

My days have been quite up and down emotionally. Trying to communicate in Spanish has been the most difficult thing so far (predictably), followed by some loneliness. I think this comes from feeling isolated, not being able to fully express myself. It is quite frustrating for such a verbal person like me to feel trapped in language! I have unfortunately often succumbed to just sitting in silence, rather than attempt to navigate an explanation and ask for the 257th time "Como se dice ...?" (How do you say ...?) I end each day completely exhausted. However, people have been unbelievably patient and encouraging, and I am definitely learning a LOT!! I am confident that with time it will become a lot easier, and all this hard work will pay off.

After a day of introduction to the Lima office of Paz y Esperanza on Friday, I got to spend the weekend exploring Lima with Roxana, a young woman who works with Paz. This place is huge!! People everywhere, especially at night. Roxana took me to several vibrant places, always using public transportation, which has been an adventure all in itself. The city really reminds me of Abuja, Nigeria's capital - there are many contrasts ... Many tourists, but much poverty; huge parks, but sprawling poverty; Kentucky Fried Chicken, but beggars trying to scrape by ...

Roxana took me to a museum with LOTS of information about Peru, lots of artwork and artifacts ... Sorry the pic is kind of bad.

Plaza de Armas ...

This is a cathedral we visited, complete with catacombs! How cool! So much religious history here.

A view from the Parque de Muralla of a poorer part of town.

We rode on a "trencito" (kiddie train) around the Parque.

Saturday night Roxana and I went to a folkloric dance show with Eunice, another Paz coworker. It was AMAZING!! There were about 10 choreographed dances complete with colorful costumes, from all different parts of Peru. Between numbers, everyone in the place got up and danced! It was awesome! this picture is from a dance depicting a fight between an ángel (left) and a bunch of diablos. I had to wait in line for this pic!!

I hope this video works ... This is the diablo dance.

Today I am at the Paz Lima office again ... And tomorrow I am visiting another office of Paz in San Juan de Lurigancho, which is about an hour's drive. Then, if all goes well, I will fly to Andahuaylas on Wednesday. Please pray for safety in all of Peru, as there has been some violence between "los nativos" in the jungle and the police/military. There have been several deaths on both sides, as well as many protests throughout the country. Although I will be in the southern part of Peru far from the fighting, there have been protests there as well. Pray for peace, and that I will be able to travel safely on Wednesday.

Thank you for all your prayers!! I am definitely relying on God a lot for strength, energy, understanding, and provision. I am learning so much humility and dependence and patience!! Those are not always fun things to learn, but I am thankful nonetheless. He is faithful. Until next week!!! Amor y paz ... Christinita

I'm going to Peru!

2009-05-31T20:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I'm leaving for Peru in just 11 days!!! So much to do ... and more importantly, so many people to see ... and so much ice cream to eat with my family ...

The reason my URL is peruskichristine is that my grandpa told me to watch out for the "peruski" men ... and it just sort of stuck :)