torta, turistas, y trauma

I´M IN BOLIVIA!! Last Wednesday night, I took an overnight bus to Cusco and caught a morning flight to La Paz. As I walked out through security and caught sight of my precious friend Emily Goldberg, my feet were compelled to SPRINT to her! We hugged for an entire minute, expressing disbelief that we were actually physically together in South America! We had planned our Bolivian vacation since we both got into HNGR sophomore year. The past week with her has been more refreshing than I can express, and I am unbelievably grateful to have this time to spend with her.

Let me tell you one thing Emily and I have in common: WE LOVE CHOCOLATE. And maybe because we´re both psychology majors, we don´t have any problem calling it therapy. The first thing we did together in Bolivia (besides hug) was eat enormous slices of chocolate TORTA (cake) while verbally processing the last 4 1/2 months of HNGR. Well, come to think of it, eating chocolate cake/icecream/cheesecake while talking has made up probably 60% of our time together. IT HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE.

The other 40% of the time, we have just enjoyed being TURISTAS. This has included speaking English (sweet mental relief), taking pictures of just about everything, ooing and aaing at sights, hiking gorgeous peaks, and taking advantage of the gigantic movie theater (talk about culture shock ... we stayed for 2 movies, but were probably even more excited about the escalators!!). We have had the enormous privilege of staying with the Kittelson family during our time here, which has definitely uniquely colored our time as tourists in La Paz. We had never met the family before coming, but my parents are friends with them, and Emily and I have been sooo blessed and impressed by their hospitality!! We´ve really enjoyed conversations about short term missions, coca, Bolivian politics, and gender (feel like I´m always talking about that), as well. What a great family!!

Unfortunately, our time in La Paz has also included a little bit of TRAUMA as well. Yesterday when Emily and I were at an internet cafe close to the Kittelsons' house, my purse was stolen off the back of my chair. As soon as I realized it was gone, I started sobbing ... and cried harder when I realized that my journal of my whole time in Peru had been in the purse. Thankfully, my passport was at the house, and I had not had much money with me ... but the experience definitely shook me up. I thankfully got ahold of my parents in Nigeria right away and we cancelled my credit card. We've realized that I might have to perform some gymnastics to navigate life without access to an ATM, the loss of my driver's license, etc ... but I am so thankful that Emily and I are safe, above all!

Yesterday was a tough day. I was so upset about losing my journal. I was so angry that someone would take things that belong to someone else. I was so scared for my own safety. And as I reflected on the whole situation, I got really sad about poverty. Why did someone steal MY purse? Well, I was in a nice internet cafe. I am white. I had a nice purse just hanging off the back of my chair. They obviously thought I had a lot of money. Because I'm white. Why do I have enough money to go on a vacation to La Paz and engorge myself with chocolate cake when some people have to steal to survive? It was a strange feeling to walk around the city yesterday carrying literally nothing. I chuckled at the irony of finding 50 cents on the sidewalk, putting it in my pocket, and realizing that that was all I had at the moment. I don't understand the world's systems. But maybe that's because I have the privilege of ignorance as I enjoy living at the top.

My first instinct after being robbed is extreme paranoia. I feel suspicious of everyone. I told Emily yesterday that I was struggling not to lose my faith in humanity just because one person disappointed me. But the longer I think about it, the more I wonder if God wants to teach me something about myself through this. Something about my place in this world.

Emily and I are leaving La Paz this afternoon and will spend the rest of the week together at the beautiful Lake Titicaca. I would appreciate your prayers for our safety, and for God's continued blessings on our conversations. This has been such an important time for me!

solteras!!

One of the best surprises of working at Paz y Esperanza is the number of SOLTERAS that work there! It is literally a bunch of married men and single women. What a fun environment for me! It was quite an adjustment at first, coming from Wheaton where I was constantly around guys and gals within 3 years of my age ... and now everyone I work with is at least late 20's!

I have been super thankful that these solteras have really accepted me with open arms. Actually, sometimes it's a problem because they are constantly inviting me to do things with them and I feel bad leaving my host family so often! But more than anything, I am so glad to finally be able to say that these women are my friends. I truly enjoy spending time with them, and I am also learning a lot from them. I would like to introduce you to these precious friends!:

Sooo ... my best Peruvian friend just turned 39 on Friday! (totally doesn't look it, right?!) Her name is Milagros, and she has really been a "milagro" (miracle) for me! I met her through my friend Ana, and we have really hit it off since. She and I share a love of a cute little café called Capucchino run by an adorable couple (husband French and wife Peruvian), and we are no doubt their most faithful customers :) Mili and I are also loving going to a saya class - a really neat type of Peruvian music/dance that you should look up on Youtube. She is also teaching me to crochet! In summary ... she has been a really fun friend and has also rescued me from the office for a coffee date numerous times. I love her!! This picture is from her birthday celebration - dinner at Capucchino, karaoke, and discoteca!

Here's another picture from Mili's birthday celebration of Mili, me, and my friend Ana. She is one of the only other Christians in the Paz office, and she has been a really wonderful support to me since I arrived in Andahuaylas. She is always telling me that her apartment is my second home and often invites me to sleep over when we have late nights out and I don't want to take the taxi to Talavera by myself. She has a really energetic personality and is always up for fun! I have met a lot of people through her and am so grateful for the way she continues to include me when she hangs out with her friends.

2 other lovely women who I have had the privilege of knowing ... Nimia and Angela. Nimia is a graceful and beautiful person who is very close to her family and very serious about doing her work well. She and I have enjoyed going to the gym together, and I have accompanied her on several trips out to rural communities where she works with children. We're planning a beach vacation next month if we can pull it off! Angela is a fun-loving Cuzqueña who unfortunately quit work about 2 weeks ago. While she was working with us, I often escaped to her office to chat with her and help her practice her English. I miss her already. My special prayers are with her as last week we received the awful news that she lost 2 of her younger siblings in a terrible accident. Please join me in praying for comfort for her soul, and that the Lord would draw her to Himself during this painful time.



This is Jessica, the only female lawyer who works at Paz. She has an office in the front where she sees client after client with depressing story after depressing story, day after day ... and yet at our recent retreat, she was voted "Más Alegre" (happiest)!! Her laughter and joy are contagious. She is always joking around and teasing everyone in the office ... although she is very good at what she does as a lawyer, as well. We have had a lot of talks about how she is so strong with her clients and yet remains sensitive and feels their hurts (this has been on my mind a lot as I wonder about whether or not I have a future as a counselor). I have learned a lot from her, and also always have fun going out to lunch with her or just chatting when we're both bored at the office.

Rudy is another Christian in the office, and I am just recently getting to know her. She was super intimidating to me at first because she is completely gorgeous and very secure in what she does! But we had a really great talk laying on our backs looking at the stars next to the river last weekend on the staff retreat, and I am excited to keep getting to know her for the rest of my time here. She is very courageous about her faith, and I know I have a lot to learn from her.

Sharing life with these women has been a big blessing. I'm so thankful to have friends!! Unfortunately ... their lives as solteras are also difficult. One has a 9 year old daughter and her boyfriend is nowhere to be found. One suffered an ugly divorce after her husband outright told her he was cheating on her. One is struggling to navigate a relationship with a man whose beliefs are vastly different from hers. One has had ongoing physical health problems as a direct result of her work. Two live far from their families and fight loneliness. As I look at these beautiful smiling faces and think about the fun times I have shared with these women, I am inspired by their strength. They never stop surprising me with their generosity, joy, and love. I am learning so much, and I am just so thankful and excited to keep hearing their stories and opening my heart to them.

regalo

I love surprises. Some of my favorite memories from high school are the “surprise” parties that my friends and I would throw for one another’s birthdays (shout out, precious Hillcrest friends! Oh how I miss those days…). The funny thing was that the surprises became a tradition – hence the quotes around “surprise.” We always knew they were coming. We just did our best to pretend that we didn’t. The special part was that our friends cared enough to surprise us. Even if we weren’t really surprised.

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself optimistic, but I definitely live life with great expectation. I get so excited about things to come that sometimes I can hardly wait … often making it hard to live in the moment. I also am a great ruiner of surprises (poor Luke!) because I am so looking forward to what is to come that I can’t possibly not try to figure it out!

And living life with great expectation – this wild and crazy and imperfect life – means that I am often disappointed. My amazing dreams of what the future holds seldom come true.

Life is a REGALO (gift). It’s in a huge box, wrapped in bright pink paper, tied with large shiny bows, and it has my name on it. What could possibly be inside?!! I work myself into a frenzy sizing it up, holding it in my hands, smelling it, shaking it, trying to figure out its contents. But when the day finally comes to open it … it’s never what I expect.

I’m working on understanding that that’s not always bad. Sometimes it’s BETTER than I expect! I am swept off my feet by the fact that the giver of this gift knew what I wanted and needed even better than I did! Other times … I hide my disappointment with a smile, not understanding the intentions behind such a gift.

But if I truly believe that God is good, would He really give me a bad gift? And if He knows me better than anyone ever, including myself, can’t I expect from Him only the best? … But what about those days of disillusionment, disappointment, when I thought I knew what was coming and it made me excited, only to arrive and find out I was wrong?

Each day of these 6 months in Peru is a REGALO. Each day of your life, wherever you are, whatever you do, is a gift.

Every day I miss my family and friends so deeply I’m not sure I can do this … but I rejoice in the miracle that my Peruvian grandmother told me last week “Te queremos” – We love you.

I had an argument with my supervisor this weekend … but the reconciliation that came afterwards has brought us closer together than we ever have been.

I cried with my host mom as she told me the story of her difficult life … but since then there is a connection between us that wasn’t there before.

I really didn’t want to go on a retreat with my coworkers this weekend because it coincided with another trip I had hoped to take … but the experiences I had in nature over those 3 days are unmatched by anything in my life before.

I swam in several rivers and LOVED it!!!









This is the "Bosque de Piedras" (forest of rocks) that we visited. Not sure how these boulders got to be this way, but we had an amazing time hiking around for hours. These sights are marvelous!!







I have yet to experience a perfect day in Peru … or anywhere else in this world, for that matter. As we experience the joy and the pain of this life, may we never forget that each day is a gift, and that “all is grace and that our only response is gratitude” (Nouwen’s Compassion). May we continue to live life with great expectation – the expectation that God is good and that He will make all things new like He promised. Who better to sweep us off our feet and surprise us with the daily gift of life?

Quinua y Quechua

This week, I spent 5 days in the neighboring district of Chincheros. It was the first time that I got a really good dose of Andina culture, which includes both quinua and Quechua (great Q words!). QUINUA is a delicious grain used to cook many tasty and nutritious dishes. I had never tried it before coming to Peru, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorite foods here. QUECHUA is the tricky native language of the people of the Andes. It sounds very beautiful, and I have been told over and over again that the meanings of words just can’t be explained in any other language because it is so emotional and deep. I am enchanted, and it is near the top of my list of languages I would like to learn. For right now, everyone gets a big kick out of hearing me use my limited phrases, especially “Leave me alone!” when guys get annoying ☺

Unfortunately, another common aspect of Andina culture is domestic violence. For 4 of my days in Chincheros, I was visiting the local women’s crisis center. I heard many tragic stories during this time as women came to the center to report various kinds of physical, psychological, and sexual violence. I saw many tears. I also started to understand the complexity of the problem of violence in this rural area of Peru. Women who had come in just a week prior were now saying that they wanted to forget the whole thing and just go back to normal life with their husband or the man they live with. At first this made me mad, thinking about the cycle of violence and the ways women are sucked back into unhealthy relationships. But as I started to listen a little more closely, I heard more than just deception. I heard real desire for reconciliation. I heard the desperation of economic dependence. And most of all, I heard the expression of deep love for sons and daughters who had already suffered enough.

Many of the women I met and the stories I heard made me feel depressed. I sat in on one home visit looking around at the messy house, watching an unkempt 3 year old run around throwing fruit on the floor while the social worker tried to tell her pregnant mother that it would be ok even though her boyfriend who used to beat her had just left and she didn’t know if he was coming back, and I just wanted to cry. I complimented a young woman on the bracelet she was wearing and noticed her bright, beautiful smile, and then listened to her talk about how her boyfriend and his brother beat her in front of her 2 children, ages 3 and 4. She’s 21, just like me. How could anyone beat a pregnant woman? How dare human beings treat each other violently in front of children?

However, I also found a lot of hope in Chincheros. I was amazed to find that when I asked the various CEM (Centro Emergencia Mujer – Women’s Emergency Center) employees how they felt about their jobs, every single person told me they love what they do. Each one shared that it is hard to hear stories of women suffering, but that it is just so fulfilling to be able to help them. I was very inspired by their passion and the satisfaction they find in this work.

I also had the joyful privilege of getting to know my Peruvian grandmother “Mamacha,” who lives in Chincheros. She is my Mamá’s Mamá ☺. I loved spending time with her, although it made me miss my real grandmothers a lot! Mamacha generously welcomed me into her home and freely shared about her vibrant relationship with Christ. It was such a blessing to be cared for, and to listen to her stories. It was also particularly relevant for me to learn about her pain as a formerly-battered woman. She lived several years in fear, and not only suffered from physical beatings herself, but also bore the burdens of watching her 8 children being beaten as well. What amazed me was that one of the very first things she told me was that she met Jesus through the violence of her husband. “We cry now, but He says that one day He will wipe the tears from our eyes!” she told me. How can I despair when this woman, who understands the pain of battered women far more intimately than I do, finds such joy and hope in our Savior?

I am so thankful that I got to know Mamacha during this time, and that I have been given new hope in the face of extreme pain. I am also thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know the Andina culture a little better. Observing it more closely was both heartbreaking and lifegiving. I am excited to learn more, and to keep enjoying the quinua and Quechua!