YO

Quién soy yo? Who am I? This seems to be an ongoing question in my life. Do we ever really answer it? Can anyone in the world say that they really know themselves fully?

I am constantly changing. The beginning of college was a big time of identity questions for me. Maybe I thought even answered some of them. But now I am coming to the end of a 6-month period where I have been far away from who I was – thousands of miles away, but also cultures away. I’m getting a little nervous to go back to the physical place where my “self” was formed, and start figuring out once again who I am.

It has been difficult to keep a good grasp on who I am over the last almost-6-months. I was stripped of my mother tongue and often couldn’t rely on verbal skills to share with others – the form of communication that was the most comfortable for me in the past. I no longer had a close group of Christian friends around me to challenge me in my faith and to keep me accountable. I have been far away from my boyfriend who I was used to sharing every day with. And even little things: I haven’t eaten peanut butter in the last 6 months, I haven’t driven a car, I haven’t worn shorts!

Not only have things been stripped away. Things have also been added. Before living in Andahuaylas, I never knew that I like to eat yucca or listen to cumbia. I had never had a friend with whom I only spoke Spanish. I didn’t know my heart could hurt with missing someone as much as it has. I didn’t know how deeply I felt about helping hurting women.

My heart has been expanded.

It will surely be difficult to re-integrate myself into what was once familiar now that I myself am different. I am afraid that I will give in to the pressure to conform. Either that or I will become bitter in loneliness. But I am also excited. I am excited to re-experience with new eyes and a new heart what I thought I understood fully. I am excited to share with others what I have learned. I am excited to employ in my “old life” the flexibility and humility and moldability that I have been forced to adopt here in Andahuaylas.

I am excited to keep getting to know myself, my “YO”, as I continue to grow and change and learn.

Oh, and one less-transitory change I’ve gone through in the last week is a haircut. Not quite as drastic as the last one ☺ Here’s a picture of Lupe, Raúl, and me at a wedding we went to together this weekend.