humildad

2 Corinthians 12:9&10 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

As I have mentioned in a few previous posts, the 3 big things that God is teaching me here so far are dependence on Him, patience in uncertainty, and HUMILDAD (humility). I am big time realizing that I don’t have it all together. It is happening in both big and small ways, both serious and somewhat humorous ways …

#1: As many of you probably know, pretty much the only things I can cook are breakfast foods, and I’ve been missing the yummy breakfasts I like to whip up with the Breakfast Club (shout out Jess, Deb, and Daniel!) and Luke (I love you), so I decided to make an “all-American” breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausage, and fruit salad for my host family. I was so excited! I got the recipe for pancakes from my mom (this wasn’t your fault, mommy) last week and eagerly checked with my host mom to make sure we had everything. She assured me we only needed a few things, which we went out and bought together. Sunday morning I woke up excited to cook and headed down to the kitchen and started gathering my materials … only to discover that we had neither flour nor eggs. So I waited about a half hour for my host mom to go buy some. When she got back, my host sister Talita and I got to work on everything … which took longer than usual because we had to make the pancake batter from scratch. We tried to cook the pancakes on the open fire because it would be quicker … and every single pancake got burned, so we headed back into the regular kitchen to use the stove … which took forever. FINALLY, everything was ready, and we sat down to eat. I nervously introduced the family to the food, and served everyone. Yordani was super enthusiastic, saying how much he LOVED everything, and Talita acted like she like the pancakes too. My host parents, however, were not quite as excited. “They’re too thick. Are they supposed to be this way? They’re really doughy in the middle. You should have cooked them longer. Why did this take so long? Now we’re going to be late!” And they promptly brought out the regular pan and desayuno and ate that instead.

Ouch. I was crushed. And kind of angry. What made me mad was that they were right!

#2: I had a meeting with my supervisor Lupe a few weeks ago to try to arrange everything for the next few months. I mentioned to her that I have been feeling really overwhelmed by some of the expectations people have of me, thinking that I can give counseling advice to traumatized people and such. Her response to me was, “This is just a question, but why did your university send you here if you’re not equipped to help?”

I bristled, feeling like I had totally just been dissed. I started blubbering about how I think I DO have something to offer here … but gave up and admitted that, in the end, I think I’m really here to learn, and I really am NOT that equipped … and that anything I’m able to do here is by God’s grace.

#3: My skin has been really acting up here. And EVERYONE likes to talk about it. “What are you doing about your pimples? Why does that happen to you? Have you tried this? Have you tried that?” (Gram, I know you always apologize about genetically giving me these problems, but I think it's the circumstances, not you!)

I get really defensive about it, wishing people could just politely ignore the fact that my body was created this way, and it is actually reacting normally to the stress of being thousands of miles away from my comfort zone and the people I love! Although in the end, I realize they really want to help …

#4: I have come face to face with my own limitations every single day with the language barrier that I encounter with every single person. Sometimes it’s “just” the stress of trying to speak Spanish … and then other times Quechua is added onto that! I make so many mistakes, and I am so limited in my conversation possibilities …

I feel so frustrated all the time, and I hate that I have this inadequacy.

None of these humbling experiences feel good (and these are just 4 brief examples!). In fact, they feel terrible!! I often am driven to tears, embarrassed, annoyed, and angry … and confused by all the references in the Psalms to the fact that those whose hope is in the Lord “will never be put to shame” – because I often feel REALLY ashamed!

One super encouraging verse I came across this last month comes right after the time when Peter heals the crippled beggar by simply saying “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Peter then preaches the Name of Jesus, convicting the people of rejecting Him and calling them to embrace “times of refreshing” that God offers through His Son. The authorities get all upset and seize Peter and John … but Peter just keeps preaching to them! Then Acts 4:13 says,

“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.”

WOW! I have been so challenged by the fact that so many of Jesus’ most faithful and most famous followers have been “unschooled, ordinary,” and weak! They didn’t have it all together either!! But … they “had been with Jesus.” That makes me so excited about what God might do through me. I am weak … but HE is strong! And I have been with Him, and He is still with me, and will never leave me.

May we all learn, as Paul did, to BOAST in our weaknesses, because “when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Here are some pictures from a trip I took earlier this week to some communities in the district of Chaccrampa. I went to help interview some parents of kindergarten-age children to find out what families are doing to develop personal and cultural identity in their young children. It was really interesting, and also fun to spend time with 2 coworkers, Nimia and Angela!