“What are you writing?” my coworker Rudy asked me as we sat on the grass waiting for the Festieduca celebration to begin, high school kids running and jumping all around us. “What does it say?” People are always asking me what I'm writing in my little notebooks that I carry around everywhere. Sometimes I write in Spanish, sometimes in English. I write about a little bit of everything - what I ate for lunch, new Spanish words I learn, prayers that God will get me through tough moments, cultural discoveries … lists of restaurants I miss : … I hesitated as I looked over what I'd just written in English. Everything is 2 hours late! 10:00 = 12:00. Rudy kept pressing me, and finally I read it out to her in Spanish. She laughed as she looked at her watch. We'd been setting up since 8am for the event that was supposed to start at 10. It was 12, and we were still waiting for the electrical company to give us power!
I've stopped wearing my watch. Granted, I still carry around my cell phone so I can always look to see what time it is, but it was still a big step to replace my watch with a lovely bracelet that my host mom gave me. I call it my “Peruvian watch,” because it bears no sign of the time.
I've been thinking a lot about PACIENCIA here.
Growing up in Nigeria taught me a lot about patience. I love telling the story of the time we went to a 10am wedding on time and ended up waiting for 2 hours for the ceremony to start. Turns out the groom was buying his shoes. I laugh about this difference in cultural values … but it makes me ashamed to really think about how much of a slave I am to time.
A lot of my life here is waiting around. I rush to get ready in the morning but then end up waiting for Yordani to get his books together so I can walk him to school. A trip out to a community involves long car rides, 2, 3, 4 hours of staring out the window, waiting to get there. And once we get there I end up sitting in meetings I don't understand, waiting to get back in the car, where I will wait hours again until I get home! People expect events to start late, so when I show up on time I end up waiting for everyone else to come. It is often difficult to find value in these circumstances, and I find myself impatient for something to happen!
I started learning to crochet and knit this week. Talk about needing patience! I make so many mistakes and have to go back and do everything all over again. I watch Mamá and my friend Milagros do it, and they just fly, each move fluid and perfect. I feel so clumsy. I can only do a little bit at a time because I just get too impatient and frustrated. I wish I could go faster, I wish I could just know how to do it, I wish I didn't have to go through this time of learning, making mistakes, correcting, over and over.
I wish I could rush through a lot of things. Every day in the office feels like a drag, and I just wish I could be done with the work I'm doing for Paz and move onto something else. Relationships feel like they are taking 10 times longer than usual to develop because of the language barrier, and I wish I could just arrive at the time where I understand everything perfectly. I miss my family in Nigeria, my friends at Wheaton and around the world, Luke, and so many others, and I often just wish it would be Christmas already so that I could be with everyone again.
I'm realizing that I've lived a lot of my life this way. Last year, all I could think about was going to Peru … Now that I'm here, all I can think about is going back! I often live for “looking forward to” things to come. I find it very hard to be present in the moment.
Henri Nouwen writes about the value of “patient moments” in his excellent book Compassion. He writes, “when patience prevents us from running from the painful moment in the false hope of finding our treasure elsewhere, we can slowly begin to see that the fullness of time is already here and that salvation is already taking place.” What a beautiful realization! I don't want to miss all of life because I'm always waiting for the future to arrive. In another excellent Nouwen work, Gracias!, he writes, “I do not know if I will be alive tomorrow, next week, or next year. Therefore today is always more important than tomorrow. We have to be able to say each day, 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.'”
Please help me pray for eyes that are open to all that is around me each moment, for the wisdom to realize that I have much to be thankful for, and for the PACIENCIA to fully experience each day as a gift from God.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
oficina
(Ok this picture is of me and my friend Nimia coming back from a trip in the campo ... and YES that is snow on the ground! AHHHHH!!!)
So … what am I actually DOING in Peru? Not every day is a dance festival, campaign launching march, or trip out to a community. In fact, most days I spend sitting in front of my computer in the OFICINA of Paz y Esperanza.
To be quite honest … I don’t really like it. I guess you could say it’s helping me realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing work like this. There are 0 (that’s literally ZERO) windows in the entire office, making it really cold all the time. Everyone is very busy doing their own thing, and I often find it difficult to connect with people during the day because they’re always rushing around. We start at 8 am and end at 6 pm (including a 2 hour lunch break), but most people still look at me funny when I leave at 6 because everyone stays until at least 7:30. And what makes it even harder is that the actual work I’m doing right now is writing in Spanish, which, although my speaking has definitely improved over the last 3 months, is still a huge challenge. I get bored. And antsy. A lot.
The good news is that I really believe in the work that I’m doing. I am helping to develop curriculum to train women and men of rural communities in social skills. This is a 3-part project: self-esteem, interpersonal communication, and problem solving. Each part includes a theoretical/conceptual explanation and an activity book of practical ways to develop these skills. My work also includes trips out to communities to try out the activities that I brainstorm, as well as to interview women about how they approach problems in order to inform my work. I definitely enjoy these trips more than my time in the office!
I’ve spent the last 3 weeks working on the self-esteem “module.” It has actually been really interesting to research and write on this topic, and I am finding that it really speaks to me in my place right now. Being in a setting where everything is new and challenging is making me realize how much of my self worth I find in my achievements and in what others think of me. When I am critiqued or criticized, I often take it very personally and feel bad about myself as a person, rather than viewing it as an opportunity to improve what I have done. I am struggling to remember that I am a beloved daughter of God no matter WHAT I do or don’t do … and that is fundamental to the good self-esteem we are trying to develop in the campesinos!
While I don’t really like being in the office, I do really like a lot of the people that I work with. I am in a room with 2 other Paz employees, and I am really enjoying getting to know Mery, who sits at the desk next to me. We have started praying together every morning, and she is also always in favor of escaping from the office for a morning snack. She makes me laugh a lot because she talks to herself, too!
(Pictures of eating lunch with Anita, Milagros, Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's husband; and me and Jessica in the office). I am also enjoying spending time with coworkers Anita, Angela, Nimia, and Jessica
outside the office. I am so encouraged that they are inviting me to do more things with them, like watch a movie, go out to dinner, or hit the disco for some crazy cumbya dancing! Anita has also invited me to hang out with some of her non-work friends, and I am really loving spending time with a new friend named Milagros especially. This past week I was so excited when she took me to a coffee shop where they have Internet! The only one like that around here, I think … Yay for friends!
Please pray for me during the hours of 8am and 6pm on weekdays, as they are often very difficult ones. I am glad to have more concrete work to do, but it has still not been easy to get this work done. I am also frustrated that my supervisor is often too busy to meet with me, and when we do meet I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Pray with me that I will take to heart the things that I’m discovering about self-esteem, and the importance of realizing that God loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. What a key life lesson that I am privileged to be learning in Andahuaylas, Peru!
So … what am I actually DOING in Peru? Not every day is a dance festival, campaign launching march, or trip out to a community. In fact, most days I spend sitting in front of my computer in the OFICINA of Paz y Esperanza.
To be quite honest … I don’t really like it. I guess you could say it’s helping me realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing work like this. There are 0 (that’s literally ZERO) windows in the entire office, making it really cold all the time. Everyone is very busy doing their own thing, and I often find it difficult to connect with people during the day because they’re always rushing around. We start at 8 am and end at 6 pm (including a 2 hour lunch break), but most people still look at me funny when I leave at 6 because everyone stays until at least 7:30. And what makes it even harder is that the actual work I’m doing right now is writing in Spanish, which, although my speaking has definitely improved over the last 3 months, is still a huge challenge. I get bored. And antsy. A lot.
The good news is that I really believe in the work that I’m doing. I am helping to develop curriculum to train women and men of rural communities in social skills. This is a 3-part project: self-esteem, interpersonal communication, and problem solving. Each part includes a theoretical/conceptual explanation and an activity book of practical ways to develop these skills. My work also includes trips out to communities to try out the activities that I brainstorm, as well as to interview women about how they approach problems in order to inform my work. I definitely enjoy these trips more than my time in the office!
I’ve spent the last 3 weeks working on the self-esteem “module.” It has actually been really interesting to research and write on this topic, and I am finding that it really speaks to me in my place right now. Being in a setting where everything is new and challenging is making me realize how much of my self worth I find in my achievements and in what others think of me. When I am critiqued or criticized, I often take it very personally and feel bad about myself as a person, rather than viewing it as an opportunity to improve what I have done. I am struggling to remember that I am a beloved daughter of God no matter WHAT I do or don’t do … and that is fundamental to the good self-esteem we are trying to develop in the campesinos!
While I don’t really like being in the office, I do really like a lot of the people that I work with. I am in a room with 2 other Paz employees, and I am really enjoying getting to know Mery, who sits at the desk next to me. We have started praying together every morning, and she is also always in favor of escaping from the office for a morning snack. She makes me laugh a lot because she talks to herself, too!
(Pictures of eating lunch with Anita, Milagros, Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's husband; and me and Jessica in the office). I am also enjoying spending time with coworkers Anita, Angela, Nimia, and Jessica
outside the office. I am so encouraged that they are inviting me to do more things with them, like watch a movie, go out to dinner, or hit the disco for some crazy cumbya dancing! Anita has also invited me to hang out with some of her non-work friends, and I am really loving spending time with a new friend named Milagros especially. This past week I was so excited when she took me to a coffee shop where they have Internet! The only one like that around here, I think … Yay for friends!Please pray for me during the hours of 8am and 6pm on weekdays, as they are often very difficult ones. I am glad to have more concrete work to do, but it has still not been easy to get this work done. I am also frustrated that my supervisor is often too busy to meet with me, and when we do meet I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Pray with me that I will take to heart the things that I’m discovering about self-esteem, and the importance of realizing that God loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. What a key life lesson that I am privileged to be learning in Andahuaylas, Peru!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
naturaleza
I have never lived near mountains before. I remember being dazzled by the Rockies while on a family vacation in Colorado years ago. My dad jokingly told me he wouldn’t let me visit Colorado University as a prospective college because he knew I would choose it based on the sheer majesty of the view alone. There is something about nature that feeds my soul in a way nothing else does. Richard Rohr writes, “Somewhere each day we have to fall in love, with someone, something, some moment, event, phrase, animal, or person.” The Andes have captured my heart. I have fallen in love.
Snapshots of NATURALEZA
Peering out the window of my bus after a long night of bumping around on narrow winding roads to be confronted for the first time with the Andes. It took my breath away and my jaw fell open.
Walking to work every day … I am often thinking about family, praying for Luke, coming up with ideas for work … and if I happen to glance up, I stop short. How can the mountains look different each day? I could never memorize the patchwork greenery of chakras (farms) dotting the steep peaks. Light falls differently moment to moment, it seems. As tiny figures work endless hours, coaxing the earth at different times of harvest and planting, its appearance changes. Clouds move, the sky darkens and lightens, shadows fall on some chakras and not on others. Rain pitter-patters or sometimes assails. Every day a new postcard-perfect picture.
Impossible colors of the sky. Every hue of the rainbow. Every one. And sometimes multiple colors. One moment I will never forget is stepping out of a nursery school in Chaccrampa to find that it was raining ... in my particular square meter of the earth. The mountains on the other side of the valley were living their own lives. As lightning streaked across my sky, snow was blanketing others in white. And in other patches, sun was blazing. All at the same moment. And I could see it all.
Later that night ... I thought I would be swallowed up by the stars. Not only were there more than I've ever seen before ... The sky was alive! It was moving. Twinkling. Blazing. Shifting. I felt it. I could only stand in the field with my head wrenched back as far as it goes. I was swallowed by the stars, and it was breathtaking.
Laguna Pacucha on a sunny day. The whole staff ate lunch there yesterday. As we rounded a curve and it came into sight, my throat emitted involuntary sounds in response to the beauty I was seeing. My heart was bursting. The waves made tiny bumps on the surface of the bluer than blue water. The wind was blowing. Just the sound calms my whole body.
Animals in everyday life. Walking to work last week I did a double take and realized I had just passed an ENORMOUS hog that would LITERALLY be my height if it could stand. It was too fat to ever think about dreaming about imagining about knowing what standing would be like. On the side of a city street. Right in front of the courthouse. And how many times have we had to stop the car to wait for horses, sheep, pigs, goats, chickens ...
And the natural beauty of humans ... Watching Julio hold his 1 month old infant daughter. He can't hear anyone else talking. He can only stare at her face in wonder and amazement, speaking a language only she can understand. He is in awe of this miracle ... Watching 7 month old Rodrigo laugh. He is most often serious-faced. But sometimes something tickles him deep in his chubby belly and his lips start to turn up. Suddenly he just can't stop giggling. He wants so badly to tell you what he's thinking, and is overtaken with "DADADADADADA!!!!" ...
i want to put pictures to show you ... but it would not even begin to do this subject justice. suffice to say, i have been appreciating God's creation in a new way here. life is beautiful.
Snapshots of NATURALEZA
Peering out the window of my bus after a long night of bumping around on narrow winding roads to be confronted for the first time with the Andes. It took my breath away and my jaw fell open.
Walking to work every day … I am often thinking about family, praying for Luke, coming up with ideas for work … and if I happen to glance up, I stop short. How can the mountains look different each day? I could never memorize the patchwork greenery of chakras (farms) dotting the steep peaks. Light falls differently moment to moment, it seems. As tiny figures work endless hours, coaxing the earth at different times of harvest and planting, its appearance changes. Clouds move, the sky darkens and lightens, shadows fall on some chakras and not on others. Rain pitter-patters or sometimes assails. Every day a new postcard-perfect picture.
Impossible colors of the sky. Every hue of the rainbow. Every one. And sometimes multiple colors. One moment I will never forget is stepping out of a nursery school in Chaccrampa to find that it was raining ... in my particular square meter of the earth. The mountains on the other side of the valley were living their own lives. As lightning streaked across my sky, snow was blanketing others in white. And in other patches, sun was blazing. All at the same moment. And I could see it all.
Later that night ... I thought I would be swallowed up by the stars. Not only were there more than I've ever seen before ... The sky was alive! It was moving. Twinkling. Blazing. Shifting. I felt it. I could only stand in the field with my head wrenched back as far as it goes. I was swallowed by the stars, and it was breathtaking.
Laguna Pacucha on a sunny day. The whole staff ate lunch there yesterday. As we rounded a curve and it came into sight, my throat emitted involuntary sounds in response to the beauty I was seeing. My heart was bursting. The waves made tiny bumps on the surface of the bluer than blue water. The wind was blowing. Just the sound calms my whole body.
Animals in everyday life. Walking to work last week I did a double take and realized I had just passed an ENORMOUS hog that would LITERALLY be my height if it could stand. It was too fat to ever think about dreaming about imagining about knowing what standing would be like. On the side of a city street. Right in front of the courthouse. And how many times have we had to stop the car to wait for horses, sheep, pigs, goats, chickens ...
And the natural beauty of humans ... Watching Julio hold his 1 month old infant daughter. He can't hear anyone else talking. He can only stare at her face in wonder and amazement, speaking a language only she can understand. He is in awe of this miracle ... Watching 7 month old Rodrigo laugh. He is most often serious-faced. But sometimes something tickles him deep in his chubby belly and his lips start to turn up. Suddenly he just can't stop giggling. He wants so badly to tell you what he's thinking, and is overtaken with "DADADADADADA!!!!" ...
i want to put pictures to show you ... but it would not even begin to do this subject justice. suffice to say, i have been appreciating God's creation in a new way here. life is beautiful.
Monday, September 7, 2009
muchedumbres!
To be honest, it wasn’t the best week. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m getting to the halfway point and realizing on one hand that I feel like I’ve barely done anything very useful, but realizing on the other hand that I still have 3 long months left (Mom and I like to call it the "third lap of the mile" syndrome) … or maybe it’s the fact that so many of my Wheaton friends are back at school together and I’m not there … or that I just spent 2 really fun and exciting weeks, first with Dr. Kepner and then in Ayacucho … But I was really bored and frustrated being in the office 8 hours a day, and I was really homesick.
Thankfully, Friday finally came along and I started a weekend of MUCHEDUMBRES (crowds)! God seemed to know that I really needed a good ol’ dose of humanity, and I had 3 different opportunities to be around lots of people and really enjoy myself this weekend.
On Friday, Paz held the “Lanzamiento para la Campaña de Derechos Humanos en Andahuaylas” (the launching of a Human Rights Campaign in Andahuaylas). I was deemed the photographer for the event, and had a really great time running around snapping pictures of everyone! The event was mainly composed of local schools, from kindergarten up to university level, and also some local authorities. The kids all came prepared with signs and cheers, and were so excited to march across town to the plaza. Paz had balloons with the slogan of the campaign on them – “Quieres Ser Feliz? Respeta Los Derechos Humanos” (Do you want to be happy? Respect 
Human Rights), which I helped blow up to distribute to all the kids. The event was super colorful and exciting. When we reached the plaza, there was an hour-long program including 2 great 
dramas and short speeches by local authorities. I had so much fun participating in this event!!
(Above is Rodrigo, the 7 month old of 2 of my coworkers ... I'm trying to set him up with Kate Glass!! :))
On Saturday night, I had my second “muchedumbre” experience at a discoteca on the Andahuaylas plaza! I went with 2 friends from work, Angela and Nimia, and we met up with 4 of their friends. We had a great time dancing the night away, and I was shocked that I was still going at 3am, the latest I’ve stayed up here so far!! It felt so funny to be shrieking out the words to “Simply the Best” at a club called “Kreazzy” along with about 100 Peruvians, and realize that I was the only gringa! Oh, globalization ☺
My third “muchedumbre” was on Sunday afternoon at the Andahuaylas stadium, where an Andahuaylas fútbol team played an Abancay (neighboring state) team. Because of a small misunderstanding, I got left at home and had to make my way to the stadium alone to meet Papá and Yordani … meaning that I got to battle the crowds at the ticket counter alone, and search about 10,000 Peruvian faces to find them once I got inside!! Thankfully, I’m pretty easy to spot, so they found me first ☺ The teams were pretty evenly matched, which made for a really good game, and we scored 2 goals in the last 10 minutes to win! Also really exciting was an injury on the other team that brought out an ambulance, at least 10 paramedics, and about 6 policemen with shields!
After these fun events, I’m thankfully starting this week a little more excited to be here. There’s something about sharing the human experience with others that just makes life so much more enjoyable. I’m figuring out that it’s important for me to take every opportunity that I can to be with others here – and there is plenty going on in this vibrant Peruvian life! My biggest prayer right now is that I will be able to really DWELL here, to really EMBRACE life here. I'm so thankful for the relationships that I am slowly building, and that I finally feel like I'm starting to really share life with others. However, it is still tempting to escape, to hold back. I want to jump into life with both feet!!
Como siempre, les agradezco por su apoyo, su amor, y sus oraciones! Con MUCHOS abrazos … Christinita
Thankfully, Friday finally came along and I started a weekend of MUCHEDUMBRES (crowds)! God seemed to know that I really needed a good ol’ dose of humanity, and I had 3 different opportunities to be around lots of people and really enjoy myself this weekend.
On Friday, Paz held the “Lanzamiento para la Campaña de Derechos Humanos en Andahuaylas” (the launching of a Human Rights Campaign in Andahuaylas). I was deemed the photographer for the event, and had a really great time running around snapping pictures of everyone! The event was mainly composed of local schools, from kindergarten up to university level, and also some local authorities. The kids all came prepared with signs and cheers, and were so excited to march across town to the plaza. Paz had balloons with the slogan of the campaign on them – “Quieres Ser Feliz? Respeta Los Derechos Humanos” (Do you want to be happy? Respect 
Human Rights), which I helped blow up to distribute to all the kids. The event was super colorful and exciting. When we reached the plaza, there was an hour-long program including 2 great 
dramas and short speeches by local authorities. I had so much fun participating in this event!!
(Above is Rodrigo, the 7 month old of 2 of my coworkers ... I'm trying to set him up with Kate Glass!! :))
On Saturday night, I had my second “muchedumbre” experience at a discoteca on the Andahuaylas plaza! I went with 2 friends from work, Angela and Nimia, and we met up with 4 of their friends. We had a great time dancing the night away, and I was shocked that I was still going at 3am, the latest I’ve stayed up here so far!! It felt so funny to be shrieking out the words to “Simply the Best” at a club called “Kreazzy” along with about 100 Peruvians, and realize that I was the only gringa! Oh, globalization ☺
My third “muchedumbre” was on Sunday afternoon at the Andahuaylas stadium, where an Andahuaylas fútbol team played an Abancay (neighboring state) team. Because of a small misunderstanding, I got left at home and had to make my way to the stadium alone to meet Papá and Yordani … meaning that I got to battle the crowds at the ticket counter alone, and search about 10,000 Peruvian faces to find them once I got inside!! Thankfully, I’m pretty easy to spot, so they found me first ☺ The teams were pretty evenly matched, which made for a really good game, and we scored 2 goals in the last 10 minutes to win! Also really exciting was an injury on the other team that brought out an ambulance, at least 10 paramedics, and about 6 policemen with shields!
After these fun events, I’m thankfully starting this week a little more excited to be here. There’s something about sharing the human experience with others that just makes life so much more enjoyable. I’m figuring out that it’s important for me to take every opportunity that I can to be with others here – and there is plenty going on in this vibrant Peruvian life! My biggest prayer right now is that I will be able to really DWELL here, to really EMBRACE life here. I'm so thankful for the relationships that I am slowly building, and that I finally feel like I'm starting to really share life with others. However, it is still tempting to escape, to hold back. I want to jump into life with both feet!!
Como siempre, les agradezco por su apoyo, su amor, y sus oraciones! Con MUCHOS abrazos … Christinita
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