ESTAR:
Defensoras Comunitarias. In theory, I was there
ESCUCHAR: "This 9 year old girl was molested by her father. Can you talk to her?"
"My daughter witnessed her father being unfaithful to me with my sister. Doctor Psychologist, what should I say to her?"
"My brother beat me on Friday, but I can't tell the police because he has a pregnant wife and 3 children, and what will they do without him?"
"My husband abandoned me and my children, 5 and 2 years old, and now we have nothing to eat."
Each of these situations were explained to me in the last week. Each time, I was introduced as a "psychologist." Each time, I felt my stomach drop and I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream out, "I've only had 3 years of college, and I'm FAR from being a psychologist! I don't even know if that's what I want to be!" But each time, the most important thing to do was ESCUCHAR. I am finding out that there is a desperate need for psychologists in this area (in a state of 700,000 people, there are only 8 psychologists, and not many of them speak Quechua). I am no psychologist. But I do have 5 months of my time to LISTEN. This is a lesson that I hope to take with me the rest of my life, whether or not I continue in psychology. There are so many people out there that just need someone to listen to them.
ESPERAR: I recently realized that the word esperar in Spanish means both "to wait" and "to hope." I mean, I've used the word in both contexts plenty of times, but I think there is something special about the fact that waiting and hoping are represented by the same verb. I have had a LOT of time to just think this past week - lots of time in the car, lots of time listening to a language I don't understand, lots of time watching my host parents play volleyball ... A lot of the time, I was daydreaming about Luke (heehee) or thinking about what I wanted to eat :) ... but I hope to transform my waiting into hoping. I don't just want to WAIT around, I want to be HOPEFUL that Jesus is coming again ... that He will transform the darkness into light ... that He will use me in my weakness. Sometimes, too, I think I need to transform my hoping into waiting! Instead of saying, "I HOPE God will use me," I want to say that "I am WAITING for God to use me." I love words :) And praise God I think my Spanish IS improving!!
Just wanted to share a few of the lessons I'm learning here. Each day continues to be a battle, but I'm thankful that I can reflect on what I'm learning and not view EVERYTHING as a waste. Some other happy reports:
1. I LOVE being with my host family! More about them next time, but a definite highlight is finding out that they like to all cuddle in Mamá and Papá's bed every night to watch TV before going to sleep.
2. I successfully gave a 2 hour lecture on domestic violence to forty 13-16 year olds IN SPANISH yesterday! I was so terrified (and would have been even if it had been in English), but it went really well.
(you can spot me pretty much anywhere with this awesome yellow jacket that I'm rocking pretty much every day. It is COLD at night and in the mornings!!)
3. I'm getting more exercise, as the office is a half hour walk from home and I'm able to do it twice or three times a day usually. I feel physically a lot better!!
Please continue praying for comfort for my heart as I still struggle for joy in loneliness ... for all of these people that I encounter who have so much pain in their lives, and that God would give me understanding and wisdom to know when and how to speak and when to listen ... and that God would give me the strength to be obedient in the little things. I had a great talk with my wonderful friend Ashley this week (love you girl!). She is struggling with a lot of the same things that I am, but in Venezuela! We realized that our struggles are a lot like weightlifting: We do it because we want to be strong, but we wish we didn't have to do it. We wish we could just want to be strong, and POOF, we could become strong! And while we are lifting the weights, IT HURTS! And it actually makes us feel weaker for awhile. But over time, we heal. And we become stronger. And as a Christian, I guess I can also be praising God that I feel weak, because in my weakness, His strength is more visible!! But it is not easy.
THANK YOU again for prayers and encouragement. I always love to hear from everyone, so please update me on your life as well!!
Love, Christine
what an amazing update, girl.
ReplyDeleteit was great to chat with you for like 10 seconds... :)
miss you.
I am nourished and encouraged by your reflections on the language-learning process and by your insights on the particular verbs that you are highlighting each month. Might yet another field in your professional future be linguistics?? :-)
ReplyDeleteGod is at work in you and through you, Christine.
And ... I love that yellow jacket!