I love writing random lists at the back of my notebook when I'm bored. "Baby names I like." "Things I want to do before I turn 30." "Movies I'd like to own." "Friends I want to be at my 50th birthday party." A few weeks ago, I started writing a list at the back of my notebook: "Images I don’t want to forget."
Waking up at 6 am to cumbia blasting from the neighbor’s house
Home background home noise of singing birds
The mountains on my walk to work
Sunday lunches huddled by the open fire
Painting nails, knitting, and listening to the radio on Mamá’s bed
Warm water sponge bath naked on a stool in the yard
First human contact of every day: Mamá’s voice “CHRISTINITA!!”
Washing dishes in the outdoor sink after lunch every day
Hanging clothes to dry while Mamá washes
Standing on the balcony overlooking the rooftops of Talavera while it’s raining
Pequy’s ears tilting back and forth, listening
Playing Crazy 8’s with Yordani in the store
Sharing one glass to drink chicha at lunch
Zamponias on the radio
Typing my GCP’s in my room, sitting on my chair, door open, sun shining in
Grubby hands sharing mote from a bowl
Cuddling in Mamá and Papá’s bed watching comedies I barely understand
Mamá teasing the neighbors until they end up inviting us to drink Coke with them
Yordani’s aversion to bathing – a family event
Papá’s accents – especially his pregnant woman imitation
Calling everyone tío or tía … and being called señorita
The green of the plants in our garden
Mamá bathing me in my first week here
Clothes drying on the line
Tomatillo juice fresh from the tree outside
Crowded combis, shared humanity – holding someone else’s baby
Colors of the fruit section of the Mercado
Typical dances with bright costumes and swirling choreography
Walking to church, bundled up
Singing Grupo 5 with Mily at the karaoke
The smell of eucalyptus
Kisses from strangers and friends
Guys from the office trying a hula hoop for the first time in their lives
Praying with Lupe and Ana, holding hands, sitting by a river
Julio’s face as he held his one-day-old daughter Andrea
Laughing with Raúl while translating Phil Collins and Backstreet Boys
Talking with Rudy as we lay on our backs looking at the stars
Crying with Mery as we prayed in the mornings
Watching Yasmina’s womb grow and grow
If you don’t understand some of these images … that just means you need to ask me out for coffee so I can explain them in greater depth!! ☺
I can’t believe this is my last Peru blog! (Although I'll technically still be in Peru, I won't write next Monday because I'll be traveling on my way out of the country! - plus ... we're out of alphabet letters!!) It has been enriching and satisfying to record and share my experiences this way. Thank you for reading and walking alongside me in this journey! I am so thankful for the support and love I have received from my various “home” communities (“home” has always been a confusing concept for me …). I hope to continue sharing about the last 6 months as I return to the US and get to hug and talk to you all in person!! I arrive at O’hare December 16 (!!) … and my main goal of Christmas break is to enjoy time with people I love (hm, life goal?), so if you’re in the area, please let me know!!
MUN GODE ALLAH. GRACIAS PAPITO LINDO. THANK YOU FATHER.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
YO
Quién soy yo? Who am I? This seems to be an ongoing question in my life. Do we ever really answer it? Can anyone in the world say that they really know themselves fully?
I am constantly changing. The beginning of college was a big time of identity questions for me. Maybe I thought even answered some of them. But now I am coming to the end of a 6-month period where I have been far away from who I was – thousands of miles away, but also cultures away. I’m getting a little nervous to go back to the physical place where my “self” was formed, and start figuring out once again who I am.
It has been difficult to keep a good grasp on who I am over the last almost-6-months. I was stripped of my mother tongue and often couldn’t rely on verbal skills to share with others – the form of communication that was the most comfortable for me in the past. I no longer had a close group of Christian friends around me to challenge me in my faith and to keep me accountable. I have been far away from my boyfriend who I was used to sharing every day with. And even little things: I haven’t eaten peanut butter in the last 6 months, I haven’t driven a car, I haven’t worn shorts!
Not only have things been stripped away. Things have also been added. Before living in Andahuaylas, I never knew that I like to eat yucca or listen to cumbia. I had never had a friend with whom I only spoke Spanish. I didn’t know my heart could hurt with missing someone as much as it has. I didn’t know how deeply I felt about helping hurting women.
My heart has been expanded.
It will surely be difficult to re-integrate myself into what was once familiar now that I myself am different. I am afraid that I will give in to the pressure to conform. Either that or I will become bitter in loneliness. But I am also excited. I am excited to re-experience with new eyes and a new heart what I thought I understood fully. I am excited to share with others what I have learned. I am excited to employ in my “old life” the flexibility and humility and moldability that I have been forced to adopt here in Andahuaylas.
I am excited to keep getting to know myself, my “YO”, as I continue to grow and change and learn.
Oh, and one less-transitory change I’ve gone through in the last week is a haircut. Not quite as drastic as the last one ☺ Here’s a picture of Lupe, Raúl, and me at a wedding we went to together this weekend.
I am constantly changing. The beginning of college was a big time of identity questions for me. Maybe I thought even answered some of them. But now I am coming to the end of a 6-month period where I have been far away from who I was – thousands of miles away, but also cultures away. I’m getting a little nervous to go back to the physical place where my “self” was formed, and start figuring out once again who I am.
It has been difficult to keep a good grasp on who I am over the last almost-6-months. I was stripped of my mother tongue and often couldn’t rely on verbal skills to share with others – the form of communication that was the most comfortable for me in the past. I no longer had a close group of Christian friends around me to challenge me in my faith and to keep me accountable. I have been far away from my boyfriend who I was used to sharing every day with. And even little things: I haven’t eaten peanut butter in the last 6 months, I haven’t driven a car, I haven’t worn shorts!
Not only have things been stripped away. Things have also been added. Before living in Andahuaylas, I never knew that I like to eat yucca or listen to cumbia. I had never had a friend with whom I only spoke Spanish. I didn’t know my heart could hurt with missing someone as much as it has. I didn’t know how deeply I felt about helping hurting women.
My heart has been expanded.
It will surely be difficult to re-integrate myself into what was once familiar now that I myself am different. I am afraid that I will give in to the pressure to conform. Either that or I will become bitter in loneliness. But I am also excited. I am excited to re-experience with new eyes and a new heart what I thought I understood fully. I am excited to share with others what I have learned. I am excited to employ in my “old life” the flexibility and humility and moldability that I have been forced to adopt here in Andahuaylas.
I am excited to keep getting to know myself, my “YO”, as I continue to grow and change and learn.
Oh, and one less-transitory change I’ve gone through in the last week is a haircut. Not quite as drastic as the last one ☺ Here’s a picture of Lupe, Raúl, and me at a wedding we went to together this weekend.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Xtra
Ok so x is not the easiest letter to write about (unless you just pick the lame cop-out xilófono ... which I have nothing to say about anyway). I thought about doing Generación X because of the amount of 90's music I have heard here. It is UNBELIEVABLE. I'm finally catching up on all the music I missed out on living in Nigeria during the 90's.
But I decided to just write about some EXTRAS - some random things I've been thinking about and seeing and doing.
Monday and Tuesday of this week I went to a burial similar to the one I went to in Putis (see my "Lágrimas" entry if you missed that). This time, though, it was for 9 members of a community called Cabaña who were murdered by the terrorist group Sendero Luminoso in 1983. Twenty-six years later, we were able to make the ridiculously difficult trip out to this community and help the families left behind bury their relatives. I felt so angry as we drove up to this tiny village. These people have close to nothing, and yet they were robbed of the ultimate treasures of this life: their dignity and their loved ones. We stood in the rain while the caskets were being placed into their cement resting places. It felt fitting to have tears streaming down my face as I watched two sisters I had gotten to know over the 2 days sob as they finally buried their father. It gives dignity to let people cry, and to cry with them.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about the themes of identity and dignity. It started when I began working on the self-esteem module I wrote for Paz y Esperanza. Lupe explained to me that her philosophy for fighting poverty begins with helping people see their worth. Only from there can any economic help be effective. If we don't begin there, the impoverished will only stay in the same state where they already find themselves.
Our last HNGR readings spoke about identity and dignity as well. As a Christian, I have the blessing of being able to start from identity (who I am in Christ) and move from there into dignity (what I am worth) ... rather than doing it the world's way: Look what I have done, and that will tell you who I am.
This is good news not only for the poor, but for what the readings called "non-poor" as well. I am set free from the rat-race of the world that tells me I must prove what I'm worth by being "successful"!! I can be content with knowing that God has called me worthy to die for. He loved me first and called me His child. What more do I need to prove?
This should affect my daily life in huge ways!! As I struggle to figure out life here, feeling constantly frustrated with my failures and beaten down by people always telling me what I'm doing wrong ... I can have hope that what matters, as my coworker Mery constantly reminds me, is what I do "delante de Dios" - before God! I am called to be faithful before Him. That is all.
SWEET FREEDOM!!! Oh how I want to live like I believe that.
As my time here comes to a close, it is so easy for me to look back with regret: could I have done something differently/better? ... But what if I just looked back and said "Thank You, God, for teaching me about who I am in You. I have learned that I am far from having it all together, but that You are all that I need." Isn't that the most important lesson I could have learned? Won't I continue to learn that all my life?
I want to live in the joy of my identity and dignity in Christ. I think that the truths of identity and dignity are the most important things we can offer the world: from Paulina crying at her father's grave, to the rich businesswomen stuck in her office trying to prove to herself and the world that she is worth something.
Aaaaan in the spirit of offering you something "extra" ... here's a picture to
brighten your day. Sorry it's sideways - can't figure out my computer right now. I took it at one of the ceremonies we went to in honor of the 9 Cabaña victimes. And if you can't read what the "balloon" says ... "Viva la Paz" - May Peace Live!!
But I decided to just write about some EXTRAS - some random things I've been thinking about and seeing and doing.
Monday and Tuesday of this week I went to a burial similar to the one I went to in Putis (see my "Lágrimas" entry if you missed that). This time, though, it was for 9 members of a community called Cabaña who were murdered by the terrorist group Sendero Luminoso in 1983. Twenty-six years later, we were able to make the ridiculously difficult trip out to this community and help the families left behind bury their relatives. I felt so angry as we drove up to this tiny village. These people have close to nothing, and yet they were robbed of the ultimate treasures of this life: their dignity and their loved ones. We stood in the rain while the caskets were being placed into their cement resting places. It felt fitting to have tears streaming down my face as I watched two sisters I had gotten to know over the 2 days sob as they finally buried their father. It gives dignity to let people cry, and to cry with them.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about the themes of identity and dignity. It started when I began working on the self-esteem module I wrote for Paz y Esperanza. Lupe explained to me that her philosophy for fighting poverty begins with helping people see their worth. Only from there can any economic help be effective. If we don't begin there, the impoverished will only stay in the same state where they already find themselves.
Our last HNGR readings spoke about identity and dignity as well. As a Christian, I have the blessing of being able to start from identity (who I am in Christ) and move from there into dignity (what I am worth) ... rather than doing it the world's way: Look what I have done, and that will tell you who I am.
This is good news not only for the poor, but for what the readings called "non-poor" as well. I am set free from the rat-race of the world that tells me I must prove what I'm worth by being "successful"!! I can be content with knowing that God has called me worthy to die for. He loved me first and called me His child. What more do I need to prove?
This should affect my daily life in huge ways!! As I struggle to figure out life here, feeling constantly frustrated with my failures and beaten down by people always telling me what I'm doing wrong ... I can have hope that what matters, as my coworker Mery constantly reminds me, is what I do "delante de Dios" - before God! I am called to be faithful before Him. That is all.
SWEET FREEDOM!!! Oh how I want to live like I believe that.
As my time here comes to a close, it is so easy for me to look back with regret: could I have done something differently/better? ... But what if I just looked back and said "Thank You, God, for teaching me about who I am in You. I have learned that I am far from having it all together, but that You are all that I need." Isn't that the most important lesson I could have learned? Won't I continue to learn that all my life?
I want to live in the joy of my identity and dignity in Christ. I think that the truths of identity and dignity are the most important things we can offer the world: from Paulina crying at her father's grave, to the rich businesswomen stuck in her office trying to prove to herself and the world that she is worth something.
Aaaaan in the spirit of offering you something "extra" ... here's a picture to
brighten your day. Sorry it's sideways - can't figure out my computer right now. I took it at one of the ceremonies we went to in honor of the 9 Cabaña victimes. And if you can't read what the "balloon" says ... "Viva la Paz" - May Peace Live!!
Monday, November 16, 2009
WHISKEY!!
No, actual whiskey has not been a part of my HNGR experience (although EVERYONE knows who Jack Daniels is). Just the word – quite often, actually. It’s the Spanish equivalent of saying “Cheese!” when taking a picture here! – “WHISKEYYYY!”
There are quite a few sayings, phrases, and words that I’ve had fun figuring out here … and sometimes literally translating words just doesn’t cut it. The following is a little catalogue of just a few of these expressions. Some of them are unique to Andahuaylas, others are common in all of Peru (so I’m told), others are just your average Spanish … but I must say that I was pretty excited when a Peruvian that I met in Bolivia told me I speak Spanish like an Andahuaylina!!
“Ya no ya”: At first I was so confused – does it mean yeah or no or yeah?? Well, literally, it means “now no now” … So it means no. Like if you’ve finished eating and you’re asked if you’d like more – ya no ya, I’m full.
“Salud!”: Literally means “Health!” It’s the Spanish equivalent of “God bless you” in response to a sneeze. Which makes a lot more sense to me, actually.
“Así??”: Means “thus” … or kind of like “Really?” But I swear it’s the most common response to any statement ever made here. I found my pen. Así?! I can’t find Lupe. Así?? I love you. Así???!!
“No más”: Literally means “no more” … but if someone says “Come no más” (eat no more) it doesn’t mean stop eating – it means START eating! Just EAT for goodness sake!
“Carajo!”: No literal translation here. It’s some kind of expression of being annoyed or … really an expression of any strong feeling, I think. Kind of like “Geez!”
“Pues …”: Means “Well …”, but this word is seriously used in EXCESS here. It’s a fill-in when you want to make a point, basically. Did you find her? Sí, pues. Do you want to go with me? Claro, pues. Are you you mad at me? No, pueeeeees!
“Oye!”: Can be “Hey!” or “Ouch!” or “Dog, drop the food you just put in your mouth!” I was so excited the first time that “oye!” was my genuine response to stubbing my toe ☺
“Asuuuuu …”: Probably my host mom’s most common expression. It means something like “wooooow …” … or Nigeria folk, it kind of reminds me of “kai!”
Ito/ita: Ok, this is ridiculous here. People add ita/ito to the end of EVERY noun! It is generally used to imply that something is small – like a small perro (dog) is a perrito. But here it’s not uncommon to hear someone say something like “Estita chicitita flacita está viniendo con su perrita pequeñita, que lindita!” (This little girl who is a little skinny is coming with her little dog who is a little tiny, how littely cute!) A little overboard sometimes.
Azo/aza: This is another common prefix. It’s basically the opposite of ito/ita, implying that something is HUGE. The other day on the way to work I heard a little boy go “Mira esa ALTAZA!!!” Look at that HUGELY TALL woman!! I laughed. But even better was to get a hug from a good friend who greeted me as her “amigaza” ☺
Mamá: At first I was really confused when I said “Gracias, Mamá” only to have her respond “De nada, mami.” Why was SHE calling ME mami?? Turns out everyone calls EVERYONE Mamá or Papá! It is not uncommon to hear a mother trying to calm her screaming infant son by saying “Tranquilo, Papá.”
“Porfies!”: Haha, for all of you who have been aggravated by my abbreviations in the past … imagine my excitement when I found out that I can do it bilingually!! Porfies is short for “por favor.”
Papito Lindo: One time, my host dad was asking me to translate common names for God into English. Señor? Lord, I told him. Padre? Father, I told him. Amado Dios? Beloved God, I told him. Papito lindo? Ummm … Well, literally that means something like Beautiful Daddy … but we don’t really use that one, I told him. As I reflected on it, though, I realized that I really like that one. I don’t think we really capture that view of God as “Abba” very accurately in English.
Learning another language forces you to think a lot about your own language … and to discover that when you only spoke one language, you couldn’t express certain things that you can now! It is a really enriching process … although tedious and humbling as well. Our HNGR covenant expresses the desire to see “as through the facets of a diamond, the beautiful spectrum of [God’s] light.” I am thankful that Spanish and Andahuaylan culture have revealed to me another facet of that light. Gracias, Papito Lindo!
There are quite a few sayings, phrases, and words that I’ve had fun figuring out here … and sometimes literally translating words just doesn’t cut it. The following is a little catalogue of just a few of these expressions. Some of them are unique to Andahuaylas, others are common in all of Peru (so I’m told), others are just your average Spanish … but I must say that I was pretty excited when a Peruvian that I met in Bolivia told me I speak Spanish like an Andahuaylina!!
“Ya no ya”: At first I was so confused – does it mean yeah or no or yeah?? Well, literally, it means “now no now” … So it means no. Like if you’ve finished eating and you’re asked if you’d like more – ya no ya, I’m full.
“Salud!”: Literally means “Health!” It’s the Spanish equivalent of “God bless you” in response to a sneeze. Which makes a lot more sense to me, actually.
“Así??”: Means “thus” … or kind of like “Really?” But I swear it’s the most common response to any statement ever made here. I found my pen. Así?! I can’t find Lupe. Así?? I love you. Así???!!
“No más”: Literally means “no more” … but if someone says “Come no más” (eat no more) it doesn’t mean stop eating – it means START eating! Just EAT for goodness sake!
“Carajo!”: No literal translation here. It’s some kind of expression of being annoyed or … really an expression of any strong feeling, I think. Kind of like “Geez!”
“Pues …”: Means “Well …”, but this word is seriously used in EXCESS here. It’s a fill-in when you want to make a point, basically. Did you find her? Sí, pues. Do you want to go with me? Claro, pues. Are you you mad at me? No, pueeeeees!
“Oye!”: Can be “Hey!” or “Ouch!” or “Dog, drop the food you just put in your mouth!” I was so excited the first time that “oye!” was my genuine response to stubbing my toe ☺
“Asuuuuu …”: Probably my host mom’s most common expression. It means something like “wooooow …” … or Nigeria folk, it kind of reminds me of “kai!”
Ito/ita: Ok, this is ridiculous here. People add ita/ito to the end of EVERY noun! It is generally used to imply that something is small – like a small perro (dog) is a perrito. But here it’s not uncommon to hear someone say something like “Estita chicitita flacita está viniendo con su perrita pequeñita, que lindita!” (This little girl who is a little skinny is coming with her little dog who is a little tiny, how littely cute!) A little overboard sometimes.
Azo/aza: This is another common prefix. It’s basically the opposite of ito/ita, implying that something is HUGE. The other day on the way to work I heard a little boy go “Mira esa ALTAZA!!!” Look at that HUGELY TALL woman!! I laughed. But even better was to get a hug from a good friend who greeted me as her “amigaza” ☺
Mamá: At first I was really confused when I said “Gracias, Mamá” only to have her respond “De nada, mami.” Why was SHE calling ME mami?? Turns out everyone calls EVERYONE Mamá or Papá! It is not uncommon to hear a mother trying to calm her screaming infant son by saying “Tranquilo, Papá.”
“Porfies!”: Haha, for all of you who have been aggravated by my abbreviations in the past … imagine my excitement when I found out that I can do it bilingually!! Porfies is short for “por favor.”
Papito Lindo: One time, my host dad was asking me to translate common names for God into English. Señor? Lord, I told him. Padre? Father, I told him. Amado Dios? Beloved God, I told him. Papito lindo? Ummm … Well, literally that means something like Beautiful Daddy … but we don’t really use that one, I told him. As I reflected on it, though, I realized that I really like that one. I don’t think we really capture that view of God as “Abba” very accurately in English.
Learning another language forces you to think a lot about your own language … and to discover that when you only spoke one language, you couldn’t express certain things that you can now! It is a really enriching process … although tedious and humbling as well. Our HNGR covenant expresses the desire to see “as through the facets of a diamond, the beautiful spectrum of [God’s] light.” I am thankful that Spanish and Andahuaylan culture have revealed to me another facet of that light. Gracias, Papito Lindo!
Monday, November 9, 2009
vientre
“Tú creaste mis entrañas; me formaste en el VIENTRE de mi madre.”
Salmo 139:13
I really want a baby.
Now, don’t worry, I’m not going to come home pregnant! But can you really blame me when I just went to my 3rd “babi shawer” here, I know 2 women who have given birth in the last 2 weeks, 2 women I work with in the office are 7 months pregnant, and yesterday at church we had a baby dedication?? I am surrounded by babies!! And I feel just a little bit enchanted by the idea …
The baby shower I attended was for the wife of my coworker Francisco. She almost didn’t make it to the shower because her contractions were coming so strongly! I sat next to her and just looked at her bulging belly in awe, thinking “There’s a living baby girl in there!!” In my wonder and curiosity I asked Sonya all sorts of questions. She told me she was excited to have the baby, but so nervous about the birth as well, especially being her first one. Yes, the baby moved around within her when there was music, no, Sonya didn’t have any weird food cravings. YES the contractions hurt!One of the most precious moments during the shower was when the “emcee” asked Francisco what he did during the pregnancy to help the baby develop. He told us that he told his baby girl stories, and he sang to her. Francisco then unashamedly placed his hand gently on his wife’s stomach and began to sing in Quechua about different animals, describing them and imitating their sounds. I got tears in my eyes, and just couldn’t stop thinking “There’s a living baby girl in there!!!”
Baby “Chaska” (means star in Quechua) was born the very next day.
That day, my coworker Vanessa came into the office. I smiled, remembering that when I first met her, she wasn’t even “showing” yet. I hadn’t seen her in about a month and so was shocked to see her belly looking a lot larger than the last time. My coworker Raul teased her “Vanessa, you’re PREGNANT?!!” I couldn’t help but laugh – the woman is 7 months pregnant and HUGE with child!! She told us funny stories about her pregnancy. She can’t even put her own socks on anymore, and her husband is quick to help her, and always really concerned if he’s planning on leaving the house before she does – “What about your socks?!” Vanessa didn’t want to know the sex of the baby before it’s born, but her husband was too excited and already spilled the beans that it’s a boy (she won’t believe it until she sees it). It was so fun to listen to Vanessa chat animatedly about how “inquieto” (restless) her baby is. She was glowing.
The miracle of human life fascinates me. But there are also sad pregnant women. I know one who is just a year older than I am. She hid her unplanned pregnancy for several months, and told me that she’s just short of terrified about the responsibility of having a child. Although she’s about as far along as Vanessa, her stomach is smaller, hidden. People here believe that when the mother is dreading the child, the body shows that fear.
There is also a 17-year-old pregnant girl (woman?) staying in my house right now. A 17-year-old pregnant girl with a 1 ½ year old daughter. A 17-year-old pregnant girl whose husband just got mugged, and his taxi was stolen. And many would consider her lucky that her husband is even still around. I have been shocked by the number of single mothers I’ve met during my time here.
I hope I can be a mother someday – but maybe not quite yet.
As I placed my hands on various “vientres” (wombs) this week, I found myself thinking about Psalm 139:13 – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” That’s pretty intimate! It is such a joy to see soon-to-be-mothers marvel at the living beings within them. They can get to know them in little ways – like Sonya noticing that Chaska “danced” when there was music playing, or like Vanessa saying that her baby is already a night owl because s/he bounces around just when Vanessa lays down to go to sleep. But that baby is still quite mysterious until he or she finally emerges into the world, gasping for air and crying out to be back in that warm womb again. But God knows us to the core, before we are even a thought, or a bouncing bundle of cells within our mothers’ wombs! And He knows us that way throughout our entire lives – down to the number of hairs on our heads.
May we find freedom and joy in being known that way.
(I won't come back pregnant ... but I MIGHT kidnap Rodrigo and bring him back with me!)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
utopía
Picture absolute tranquility. Hammocks overlooking a gorgeous lake of the purest blue. Long mornings of reading and resting, long afternoons of chats with a precious friend who loves you just the way you are. Hikes up and down steep hills, each view from the top more amazing than the last. Eating some of your favorite foods for the first time in months. A nighttime soak in a hot tub overlooking the lake. Does it get any better than that?!
Oh. And then the owner offers to bring you chocolate fondue. And you eat it. IN the hot tub. Overlooking the lake. With one of your best friends in the world.
Felt like UTOPÍA, lemme tell ya! I am eternally grateful for the last 2 weeks I got to spend with my beloved friend Emily Goldberg in Bolivia! Literally the only thing I can complain about after getting my purse stolen (still mourning the journal) is a bad sunburn due to day after blissful day of enjoying nature!! What a blessing. One of the best parts was just talking with Emily. I cried a lot, processing the frustrations of the past 5 months. She was such a great listener. And there was no pressure to do or not do anything. One of the best and most timely vacations I've ever gone on!
I'm safely back in Andahuaylas now. I spent a great weekend with my supervisor Lupe in Cusco and we took the night bus back here, arriving at 3:30am this morning. I had a certain sense of dread thinking about going back to the office. In case you haven't noticed, it's not really my favorite place to be.
But Lupe taught me something else about utopia this weekend. We were talking about a Christian response to poverty. As I mentioned in my last post, being a tourist made me think about world systems and why I have the privilege of traveling and enjoying places like Copacabana, Bolivia when others are starving ... What should we do as Christians?, I asked Lupe. She offered to me her testimony. Before she became a Christian 2 years ago, her life looked pretty different. Her two daughters wanted for nothing - beautiful homes in Paris and Ecuador, designer clothes, lovely gardens, great education ... but now, 2 years later, Lupe lives in Andahuaylas, the poorest part of Peru, in a small apartment with no hot water, unpainted walls, no telephone, and borrowed furniture. Her daughters tell her they're worried about her. "But Christine," she told me with tears in her eyes, "I'm not lonely anymore. I know that my real home is with the Lord, and He is always with me. I used to be lonely, but now I'm not!"
Copacabana felt pretty close to utopia. I wished the whole time that my family, Luke, and other friends could share it with me. But will I ever be fully satisfied on this earth? I may never feel like Andahuaylas is utopia ... but I have an eternal home with the Lord that gives me the freedom to live a life full of joy wherever I am. May that truth penetrate our souls with a deep peace that passes understanding!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
torta, turistas, y trauma
I´M IN BOLIVIA!! Last Wednesday night, I took an overnight bus to Cusco and caught a morning flight to La Paz. As I walked out through security and caught sight of my precious friend Emily Goldberg, my feet were compelled to SPRINT to her! We hugged for an entire minute, expressing disbelief that we were actually physically together in South America! We had planned our Bolivian vacation since we both got into HNGR sophomore year. The past week with her has been more refreshing than I can express, and I am unbelievably grateful to have this time to spend with her.
Let me tell you one thing Emily and I have in common: WE LOVE CHOCOLATE. And maybe because we´re both psychology majors, we don´t have any problem calling it therapy. The first thing we did together in Bolivia (besides hug) was eat enormous slices of chocolate TORTA (cake) while verbally processing the last 4 1/2 months of HNGR. Well, come to think of it, eating chocolate cake/icecream/cheesecake while talking has made up probably 60% of our time together. IT HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE.
The other 40% of the time, we have just enjoyed being TURISTAS. This has included speaking English (sweet mental relief), taking pictures of just about everything, ooing and aaing at sights, hiking gorgeous peaks, and taking advantage of the gigantic movie theater (talk about culture shock ... we stayed for 2 movies, but were probably even more excited about the escalators!!). We have had the enormous privilege of staying with the Kittelson family during our time here, which has definitely uniquely colored our time as tourists in La Paz. We had never met the family before coming, but my parents are friends with them, and Emily and I have been sooo blessed and impressed by their hospitality!! We´ve really enjoyed conversations about short term missions, coca, Bolivian politics, and gender (feel like I´m always talking about that), as well. What a great family!!
Unfortunately, our time in La Paz has also included a little bit of TRAUMA as well. Yesterday when Emily and I were at an internet cafe close to the Kittelsons' house, my purse was stolen off the back of my chair. As soon as I realized it was gone, I started sobbing ... and cried harder when I realized that my journal of my whole time in Peru had been in the purse. Thankfully, my passport was at the house, and I had not had much money with me ... but the experience definitely shook me up. I thankfully got ahold of my parents in Nigeria right away and we cancelled my credit card. We've realized that I might have to perform some gymnastics to navigate life without access to an ATM, the loss of my driver's license, etc ... but I am so thankful that Emily and I are safe, above all!
Yesterday was a tough day. I was so upset about losing my journal. I was so angry that someone would take things that belong to someone else. I was so scared for my own safety. And as I reflected on the whole situation, I got really sad about poverty. Why did someone steal MY purse? Well, I was in a nice internet cafe. I am white. I had a nice purse just hanging off the back of my chair. They obviously thought I had a lot of money. Because I'm white. Why do I have enough money to go on a vacation to La Paz and engorge myself with chocolate cake when some people have to steal to survive? It was a strange feeling to walk around the city yesterday carrying literally nothing. I chuckled at the irony of finding 50 cents on the sidewalk, putting it in my pocket, and realizing that that was all I had at the moment. I don't understand the world's systems. But maybe that's because I have the privilege of ignorance as I enjoy living at the top.
My first instinct after being robbed is extreme paranoia. I feel suspicious of everyone. I told Emily yesterday that I was struggling not to lose my faith in humanity just because one person disappointed me. But the longer I think about it, the more I wonder if God wants to teach me something about myself through this. Something about my place in this world.
Emily and I are leaving La Paz this afternoon and will spend the rest of the week together at the beautiful Lake Titicaca. I would appreciate your prayers for our safety, and for God's continued blessings on our conversations. This has been such an important time for me!
Let me tell you one thing Emily and I have in common: WE LOVE CHOCOLATE. And maybe because we´re both psychology majors, we don´t have any problem calling it therapy. The first thing we did together in Bolivia (besides hug) was eat enormous slices of chocolate TORTA (cake) while verbally processing the last 4 1/2 months of HNGR. Well, come to think of it, eating chocolate cake/icecream/cheesecake while talking has made up probably 60% of our time together. IT HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE.
The other 40% of the time, we have just enjoyed being TURISTAS. This has included speaking English (sweet mental relief), taking pictures of just about everything, ooing and aaing at sights, hiking gorgeous peaks, and taking advantage of the gigantic movie theater (talk about culture shock ... we stayed for 2 movies, but were probably even more excited about the escalators!!). We have had the enormous privilege of staying with the Kittelson family during our time here, which has definitely uniquely colored our time as tourists in La Paz. We had never met the family before coming, but my parents are friends with them, and Emily and I have been sooo blessed and impressed by their hospitality!! We´ve really enjoyed conversations about short term missions, coca, Bolivian politics, and gender (feel like I´m always talking about that), as well. What a great family!!
Unfortunately, our time in La Paz has also included a little bit of TRAUMA as well. Yesterday when Emily and I were at an internet cafe close to the Kittelsons' house, my purse was stolen off the back of my chair. As soon as I realized it was gone, I started sobbing ... and cried harder when I realized that my journal of my whole time in Peru had been in the purse. Thankfully, my passport was at the house, and I had not had much money with me ... but the experience definitely shook me up. I thankfully got ahold of my parents in Nigeria right away and we cancelled my credit card. We've realized that I might have to perform some gymnastics to navigate life without access to an ATM, the loss of my driver's license, etc ... but I am so thankful that Emily and I are safe, above all!
Yesterday was a tough day. I was so upset about losing my journal. I was so angry that someone would take things that belong to someone else. I was so scared for my own safety. And as I reflected on the whole situation, I got really sad about poverty. Why did someone steal MY purse? Well, I was in a nice internet cafe. I am white. I had a nice purse just hanging off the back of my chair. They obviously thought I had a lot of money. Because I'm white. Why do I have enough money to go on a vacation to La Paz and engorge myself with chocolate cake when some people have to steal to survive? It was a strange feeling to walk around the city yesterday carrying literally nothing. I chuckled at the irony of finding 50 cents on the sidewalk, putting it in my pocket, and realizing that that was all I had at the moment. I don't understand the world's systems. But maybe that's because I have the privilege of ignorance as I enjoy living at the top.
My first instinct after being robbed is extreme paranoia. I feel suspicious of everyone. I told Emily yesterday that I was struggling not to lose my faith in humanity just because one person disappointed me. But the longer I think about it, the more I wonder if God wants to teach me something about myself through this. Something about my place in this world.
Emily and I are leaving La Paz this afternoon and will spend the rest of the week together at the beautiful Lake Titicaca. I would appreciate your prayers for our safety, and for God's continued blessings on our conversations. This has been such an important time for me!
Monday, October 19, 2009
solteras!!
One of the best surprises of working at Paz y Esperanza is the number of SOLTERAS that work there! It is literally a bunch of married men and single women. What a fun environment for me! It was quite an adjustment at first, coming from Wheaton where I was constantly around guys and gals within 3 years of my age ... and now everyone I work with is at least late 20's!
I have been super thankful that these solteras have really accepted me with open arms. Actually, sometimes it's a problem because they are constantly inviting me to do things with them and I feel bad leaving my host family so often! But more than anything, I am so glad to finally be able to say that these women are my friends. I truly enjoy spending time with them, and I am also learning a lot from them. I would like to introduce you to these precious friends!:
Sooo ... my best Peruvian friend just turned 39 on Friday! (totally doesn't look it, right?!) Her name is Milagros, and she has really been a "milagro" (miracle) for me! I met her through my friend Ana, and we have really hit it off since. She and I share a love of a cute little café called Capucchino run by an adorable couple (husband French and wife Peruvian), and we are no doubt their most faithful customers :) Mili and I are also loving going to a saya class - a really neat type of Peruvian music/dance that you should look up on Youtube. She is also teaching me to crochet! In summary ... she has been a really fun friend and has also rescued me from the office for a coffee date numerous times. I love her!! This picture is from her birthday celebration - dinner at Capucchino, karaoke, and discoteca!
Here's another picture from Mili's birthday celebration of Mili, me, and my friend Ana. She is one of the only other Christians in the Paz office, and she has been a really wonderful support to me since I arrived in Andahuaylas. She is always telling me that her apartment is my second home and often invites me to sleep over when we have late nights out and I don't want to take the taxi to Talavera by myself. She has a really energetic personality and is always up for fun! I have met a lot of people through her and am so grateful for the way she continues to include me when she hangs out with her friends.
2 other lovely women who I have had the privilege of knowing ... Nimia and Angela. Nimia is a graceful and beautiful person who is very close to her family and very serious about doing her work well. She and I have enjoyed going to the gym together, and I have accompanied her on several trips out to rural communities where she works with children. We're planning a beach vacation next month if we can pull it off! Angela is a fun-loving Cuzqueña who unfortunately quit work about 2 weeks ago. While she was working with us, I often escaped to her office to chat with her and help her practice her English. I miss her already. My special prayers are with her as last week we received the awful news that she lost 2 of her younger siblings in a terrible accident. Please join me in praying for comfort for her soul, and that the Lord would draw her to Himself during this painful time.
This is Jessica, the only female lawyer who works at Paz. She has an office in the front where she sees client after client with depressing story after depressing story, day after day ... and yet at our recent retreat, she was voted "Más Alegre" (happiest)!! Her laughter and joy are contagious. She is always joking around and teasing everyone in the office ... although she is very good at what she does as a lawyer, as well. We have had a lot of talks about how she is so strong with her clients and yet remains sensitive and feels their hurts (this has been on my mind a lot as I wonder about whether or not I have a future as a counselor). I have learned a lot from her, and also always have fun going out to lunch with her or just chatting when we're both bored at the office.
Rudy is another Christian in the office, and I am just recently getting to know her. She was super intimidating to me at first because she is completely gorgeous and very secure in what she does! But we had a really great talk laying on our backs looking at the stars next to the river last weekend on the staff retreat, and I am excited to keep getting to know her for the rest of my time here. She is very courageous about her faith, and I know I have a lot to learn from her.
Sharing life with these women has been a big blessing. I'm so thankful to have friends!! Unfortunately ... their lives as solteras are also difficult. One has a 9 year old daughter and her boyfriend is nowhere to be found. One suffered an ugly divorce after her husband outright told her he was cheating on her. One is struggling to navigate a relationship with a man whose beliefs are vastly different from hers. One has had ongoing physical health problems as a direct result of her work. Two live far from their families and fight loneliness. As I look at these beautiful smiling faces and think about the fun times I have shared with these women, I am inspired by their strength. They never stop surprising me with their generosity, joy, and love. I am learning so much, and I am just so thankful and excited to keep hearing their stories and opening my heart to them.
I have been super thankful that these solteras have really accepted me with open arms. Actually, sometimes it's a problem because they are constantly inviting me to do things with them and I feel bad leaving my host family so often! But more than anything, I am so glad to finally be able to say that these women are my friends. I truly enjoy spending time with them, and I am also learning a lot from them. I would like to introduce you to these precious friends!:
Sooo ... my best Peruvian friend just turned 39 on Friday! (totally doesn't look it, right?!) Her name is Milagros, and she has really been a "milagro" (miracle) for me! I met her through my friend Ana, and we have really hit it off since. She and I share a love of a cute little café called Capucchino run by an adorable couple (husband French and wife Peruvian), and we are no doubt their most faithful customers :) Mili and I are also loving going to a saya class - a really neat type of Peruvian music/dance that you should look up on Youtube. She is also teaching me to crochet! In summary ... she has been a really fun friend and has also rescued me from the office for a coffee date numerous times. I love her!! This picture is from her birthday celebration - dinner at Capucchino, karaoke, and discoteca!
Here's another picture from Mili's birthday celebration of Mili, me, and my friend Ana. She is one of the only other Christians in the Paz office, and she has been a really wonderful support to me since I arrived in Andahuaylas. She is always telling me that her apartment is my second home and often invites me to sleep over when we have late nights out and I don't want to take the taxi to Talavera by myself. She has a really energetic personality and is always up for fun! I have met a lot of people through her and am so grateful for the way she continues to include me when she hangs out with her friends.
2 other lovely women who I have had the privilege of knowing ... Nimia and Angela. Nimia is a graceful and beautiful person who is very close to her family and very serious about doing her work well. She and I have enjoyed going to the gym together, and I have accompanied her on several trips out to rural communities where she works with children. We're planning a beach vacation next month if we can pull it off! Angela is a fun-loving Cuzqueña who unfortunately quit work about 2 weeks ago. While she was working with us, I often escaped to her office to chat with her and help her practice her English. I miss her already. My special prayers are with her as last week we received the awful news that she lost 2 of her younger siblings in a terrible accident. Please join me in praying for comfort for her soul, and that the Lord would draw her to Himself during this painful time.
This is Jessica, the only female lawyer who works at Paz. She has an office in the front where she sees client after client with depressing story after depressing story, day after day ... and yet at our recent retreat, she was voted "Más Alegre" (happiest)!! Her laughter and joy are contagious. She is always joking around and teasing everyone in the office ... although she is very good at what she does as a lawyer, as well. We have had a lot of talks about how she is so strong with her clients and yet remains sensitive and feels their hurts (this has been on my mind a lot as I wonder about whether or not I have a future as a counselor). I have learned a lot from her, and also always have fun going out to lunch with her or just chatting when we're both bored at the office.
Rudy is another Christian in the office, and I am just recently getting to know her. She was super intimidating to me at first because she is completely gorgeous and very secure in what she does! But we had a really great talk laying on our backs looking at the stars next to the river last weekend on the staff retreat, and I am excited to keep getting to know her for the rest of my time here. She is very courageous about her faith, and I know I have a lot to learn from her. Sharing life with these women has been a big blessing. I'm so thankful to have friends!! Unfortunately ... their lives as solteras are also difficult. One has a 9 year old daughter and her boyfriend is nowhere to be found. One suffered an ugly divorce after her husband outright told her he was cheating on her. One is struggling to navigate a relationship with a man whose beliefs are vastly different from hers. One has had ongoing physical health problems as a direct result of her work. Two live far from their families and fight loneliness. As I look at these beautiful smiling faces and think about the fun times I have shared with these women, I am inspired by their strength. They never stop surprising me with their generosity, joy, and love. I am learning so much, and I am just so thankful and excited to keep hearing their stories and opening my heart to them.
Monday, October 12, 2009
regalo
I love surprises. Some of my favorite memories from high school are the “surprise” parties that my friends and I would throw for one another’s birthdays (shout out, precious Hillcrest friends! Oh how I miss those days…). The funny thing was that the surprises became a tradition – hence the quotes around “surprise.” We always knew they were coming. We just did our best to pretend that we didn’t. The special part was that our friends cared enough to surprise us. Even if we weren’t really surprised.
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself optimistic, but I definitely live life with great expectation. I get so excited about things to come that sometimes I can hardly wait … often making it hard to live in the moment. I also am a great ruiner of surprises (poor Luke!) because I am so looking forward to what is to come that I can’t possibly not try to figure it out!
And living life with great expectation – this wild and crazy and imperfect life – means that I am often disappointed. My amazing dreams of what the future holds seldom come true.
Life is a REGALO (gift). It’s in a huge box, wrapped in bright pink paper, tied with large shiny bows, and it has my name on it. What could possibly be inside?!! I work myself into a frenzy sizing it up, holding it in my hands, smelling it, shaking it, trying to figure out its contents. But when the day finally comes to open it … it’s never what I expect.
I’m working on understanding that that’s not always bad. Sometimes it’s BETTER than I expect! I am swept off my feet by the fact that the giver of this gift knew what I wanted and needed even better than I did! Other times … I hide my disappointment with a smile, not understanding the intentions behind such a gift.
But if I truly believe that God is good, would He really give me a bad gift? And if He knows me better than anyone ever, including myself, can’t I expect from Him only the best? … But what about those days of disillusionment, disappointment, when I thought I knew what was coming and it made me excited, only to arrive and find out I was wrong?
Each day of these 6 months in Peru is a REGALO. Each day of your life, wherever you are, whatever you do, is a gift.
Every day I miss my family and friends so deeply I’m not sure I can do this … but I rejoice in the miracle that my Peruvian grandmother told me last week “Te queremos” – We love you.
I had an argument with my supervisor this weekend … but the reconciliation that came afterwards has brought us closer together than we ever have been.
I cried with my host mom as she told me the story of her difficult life … but since then there is a connection between us that wasn’t there before.
I really didn’t want to go on a retreat with my coworkers this weekend because it coincided with another trip I had hoped to take … but the experiences I had in nature over those 3 days are unmatched by anything in my life before.
I swam in several rivers and LOVED it!!!
This is the "Bosque de Piedras" (forest of rocks) that we visited. Not sure how these boulders got to be this way, but we had an amazing time hiking around for hours. These sights are marvelous!!
I have yet to experience a perfect day in Peru … or anywhere else in this world, for that matter. As we experience the joy and the pain of this life, may we never forget that each day is a gift, and that “all is grace and that our only response is gratitude” (Nouwen’s Compassion). May we continue to live life with great expectation – the expectation that God is good and that He will make all things new like He promised. Who better to sweep us off our feet and surprise us with the daily gift of life?
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself optimistic, but I definitely live life with great expectation. I get so excited about things to come that sometimes I can hardly wait … often making it hard to live in the moment. I also am a great ruiner of surprises (poor Luke!) because I am so looking forward to what is to come that I can’t possibly not try to figure it out!
And living life with great expectation – this wild and crazy and imperfect life – means that I am often disappointed. My amazing dreams of what the future holds seldom come true.
Life is a REGALO (gift). It’s in a huge box, wrapped in bright pink paper, tied with large shiny bows, and it has my name on it. What could possibly be inside?!! I work myself into a frenzy sizing it up, holding it in my hands, smelling it, shaking it, trying to figure out its contents. But when the day finally comes to open it … it’s never what I expect.
I’m working on understanding that that’s not always bad. Sometimes it’s BETTER than I expect! I am swept off my feet by the fact that the giver of this gift knew what I wanted and needed even better than I did! Other times … I hide my disappointment with a smile, not understanding the intentions behind such a gift.
But if I truly believe that God is good, would He really give me a bad gift? And if He knows me better than anyone ever, including myself, can’t I expect from Him only the best? … But what about those days of disillusionment, disappointment, when I thought I knew what was coming and it made me excited, only to arrive and find out I was wrong?
Each day of these 6 months in Peru is a REGALO. Each day of your life, wherever you are, whatever you do, is a gift.
Every day I miss my family and friends so deeply I’m not sure I can do this … but I rejoice in the miracle that my Peruvian grandmother told me last week “Te queremos” – We love you.
I had an argument with my supervisor this weekend … but the reconciliation that came afterwards has brought us closer together than we ever have been.
I cried with my host mom as she told me the story of her difficult life … but since then there is a connection between us that wasn’t there before.
I really didn’t want to go on a retreat with my coworkers this weekend because it coincided with another trip I had hoped to take … but the experiences I had in nature over those 3 days are unmatched by anything in my life before.
I swam in several rivers and LOVED it!!!
This is the "Bosque de Piedras" (forest of rocks) that we visited. Not sure how these boulders got to be this way, but we had an amazing time hiking around for hours. These sights are marvelous!!
I have yet to experience a perfect day in Peru … or anywhere else in this world, for that matter. As we experience the joy and the pain of this life, may we never forget that each day is a gift, and that “all is grace and that our only response is gratitude” (Nouwen’s Compassion). May we continue to live life with great expectation – the expectation that God is good and that He will make all things new like He promised. Who better to sweep us off our feet and surprise us with the daily gift of life?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Quinua y Quechua
This week, I spent 5 days in the neighboring district of Chincheros. It was the first time that I got a really good dose of Andina culture, which includes both quinua and Quechua (great Q words!). QUINUA is a delicious grain used to cook many tasty and nutritious dishes. I had never tried it before coming to Peru, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorite foods here. QUECHUA is the tricky native language of the people of the Andes. It sounds very beautiful, and I have been told over and over again that the meanings of words just can’t be explained in any other language because it is so emotional and deep. I am enchanted, and it is near the top of my list of languages I would like to learn. For right now, everyone gets a big kick out of hearing me use my limited phrases, especially “Leave me alone!” when guys get annoying ☺
Unfortunately, another common aspect of Andina culture is domestic violence. For 4 of my days in Chincheros, I was visiting the local women’s crisis center. I heard many tragic stories during this time as women came to the center to report various kinds of physical, psychological, and sexual violence. I saw many tears. I also started to understand the complexity of the problem of violence in this rural area of Peru. Women who had come in just a week prior were now saying that they wanted to forget the whole thing and just go back to normal life with their husband or the man they live with. At first this made me mad, thinking about the cycle of violence and the ways women are sucked back into unhealthy relationships. But as I started to listen a little more closely, I heard more than just deception. I heard real desire for reconciliation. I heard the desperation of economic dependence. And most of all, I heard the expression of deep love for sons and daughters who had already suffered enough.
Many of the women I met and the stories I heard made me feel depressed. I sat in on one home visit looking around at the messy house, watching an unkempt 3 year old run around throwing fruit on the floor while the social worker tried to tell her pregnant mother that it would be ok even though her boyfriend who used to beat her had just left and she didn’t know if he was coming back, and I just wanted to cry. I complimented a young woman on the bracelet she was wearing and noticed her bright, beautiful smile, and then listened to her talk about how her boyfriend and his brother beat her in front of her 2 children, ages 3 and 4. She’s 21, just like me. How could anyone beat a pregnant woman? How dare human beings treat each other violently in front of children?
However, I also found a lot of hope in Chincheros. I was amazed to find that when I asked the various CEM (Centro Emergencia Mujer – Women’s Emergency Center) employees how they felt about their jobs, every single person told me they love what they do. Each one shared that it is hard to hear stories of women suffering, but that it is just so fulfilling to be able to help them. I was very inspired by their passion and the satisfaction they find in this work.
I also had the joyful privilege of getting to know my Peruvian grandmother “Mamacha,” who lives in Chincheros. She is my Mamá’s Mamá ☺. I loved spending time with her, although it made me miss my real grandmothers a lot! Mamacha generously welcomed me into her home and freely shared about her vibrant relationship with Christ. It was such a blessing to be cared for, and to listen to her stories. It was also particularly relevant for me to learn about her pain as a formerly-battered woman. She lived several years in fear, and not only suffered from physical beatings herself, but also bore the burdens of watching her 8 children being beaten as well. What amazed me was that one of the very first things she told me was that she met Jesus through the violence of her husband. “We cry now, but He says that one day He will wipe the tears from our eyes!” she told me. How can I despair when this woman, who understands the pain of battered women far more intimately than I do, finds such joy and hope in our Savior?
I am so thankful that I got to know Mamacha during this time, and that I have been given new hope in the face of extreme pain. I am also thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know the Andina culture a little better. Observing it more closely was both heartbreaking and lifegiving. I am excited to learn more, and to keep enjoying the quinua and Quechua!
Unfortunately, another common aspect of Andina culture is domestic violence. For 4 of my days in Chincheros, I was visiting the local women’s crisis center. I heard many tragic stories during this time as women came to the center to report various kinds of physical, psychological, and sexual violence. I saw many tears. I also started to understand the complexity of the problem of violence in this rural area of Peru. Women who had come in just a week prior were now saying that they wanted to forget the whole thing and just go back to normal life with their husband or the man they live with. At first this made me mad, thinking about the cycle of violence and the ways women are sucked back into unhealthy relationships. But as I started to listen a little more closely, I heard more than just deception. I heard real desire for reconciliation. I heard the desperation of economic dependence. And most of all, I heard the expression of deep love for sons and daughters who had already suffered enough.
Many of the women I met and the stories I heard made me feel depressed. I sat in on one home visit looking around at the messy house, watching an unkempt 3 year old run around throwing fruit on the floor while the social worker tried to tell her pregnant mother that it would be ok even though her boyfriend who used to beat her had just left and she didn’t know if he was coming back, and I just wanted to cry. I complimented a young woman on the bracelet she was wearing and noticed her bright, beautiful smile, and then listened to her talk about how her boyfriend and his brother beat her in front of her 2 children, ages 3 and 4. She’s 21, just like me. How could anyone beat a pregnant woman? How dare human beings treat each other violently in front of children?
However, I also found a lot of hope in Chincheros. I was amazed to find that when I asked the various CEM (Centro Emergencia Mujer – Women’s Emergency Center) employees how they felt about their jobs, every single person told me they love what they do. Each one shared that it is hard to hear stories of women suffering, but that it is just so fulfilling to be able to help them. I was very inspired by their passion and the satisfaction they find in this work.
I also had the joyful privilege of getting to know my Peruvian grandmother “Mamacha,” who lives in Chincheros. She is my Mamá’s Mamá ☺. I loved spending time with her, although it made me miss my real grandmothers a lot! Mamacha generously welcomed me into her home and freely shared about her vibrant relationship with Christ. It was such a blessing to be cared for, and to listen to her stories. It was also particularly relevant for me to learn about her pain as a formerly-battered woman. She lived several years in fear, and not only suffered from physical beatings herself, but also bore the burdens of watching her 8 children being beaten as well. What amazed me was that one of the very first things she told me was that she met Jesus through the violence of her husband. “We cry now, but He says that one day He will wipe the tears from our eyes!” she told me. How can I despair when this woman, who understands the pain of battered women far more intimately than I do, finds such joy and hope in our Savior? I am so thankful that I got to know Mamacha during this time, and that I have been given new hope in the face of extreme pain. I am also thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know the Andina culture a little better. Observing it more closely was both heartbreaking and lifegiving. I am excited to learn more, and to keep enjoying the quinua and Quechua!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Paciencia
“What are you writing?” my coworker Rudy asked me as we sat on the grass waiting for the Festieduca celebration to begin, high school kids running and jumping all around us. “What does it say?” People are always asking me what I'm writing in my little notebooks that I carry around everywhere. Sometimes I write in Spanish, sometimes in English. I write about a little bit of everything - what I ate for lunch, new Spanish words I learn, prayers that God will get me through tough moments, cultural discoveries … lists of restaurants I miss : … I hesitated as I looked over what I'd just written in English. Everything is 2 hours late! 10:00 = 12:00. Rudy kept pressing me, and finally I read it out to her in Spanish. She laughed as she looked at her watch. We'd been setting up since 8am for the event that was supposed to start at 10. It was 12, and we were still waiting for the electrical company to give us power!
I've stopped wearing my watch. Granted, I still carry around my cell phone so I can always look to see what time it is, but it was still a big step to replace my watch with a lovely bracelet that my host mom gave me. I call it my “Peruvian watch,” because it bears no sign of the time.
I've been thinking a lot about PACIENCIA here.
Growing up in Nigeria taught me a lot about patience. I love telling the story of the time we went to a 10am wedding on time and ended up waiting for 2 hours for the ceremony to start. Turns out the groom was buying his shoes. I laugh about this difference in cultural values … but it makes me ashamed to really think about how much of a slave I am to time.
A lot of my life here is waiting around. I rush to get ready in the morning but then end up waiting for Yordani to get his books together so I can walk him to school. A trip out to a community involves long car rides, 2, 3, 4 hours of staring out the window, waiting to get there. And once we get there I end up sitting in meetings I don't understand, waiting to get back in the car, where I will wait hours again until I get home! People expect events to start late, so when I show up on time I end up waiting for everyone else to come. It is often difficult to find value in these circumstances, and I find myself impatient for something to happen!
I started learning to crochet and knit this week. Talk about needing patience! I make so many mistakes and have to go back and do everything all over again. I watch Mamá and my friend Milagros do it, and they just fly, each move fluid and perfect. I feel so clumsy. I can only do a little bit at a time because I just get too impatient and frustrated. I wish I could go faster, I wish I could just know how to do it, I wish I didn't have to go through this time of learning, making mistakes, correcting, over and over.
I wish I could rush through a lot of things. Every day in the office feels like a drag, and I just wish I could be done with the work I'm doing for Paz and move onto something else. Relationships feel like they are taking 10 times longer than usual to develop because of the language barrier, and I wish I could just arrive at the time where I understand everything perfectly. I miss my family in Nigeria, my friends at Wheaton and around the world, Luke, and so many others, and I often just wish it would be Christmas already so that I could be with everyone again.
I'm realizing that I've lived a lot of my life this way. Last year, all I could think about was going to Peru … Now that I'm here, all I can think about is going back! I often live for “looking forward to” things to come. I find it very hard to be present in the moment.
Henri Nouwen writes about the value of “patient moments” in his excellent book Compassion. He writes, “when patience prevents us from running from the painful moment in the false hope of finding our treasure elsewhere, we can slowly begin to see that the fullness of time is already here and that salvation is already taking place.” What a beautiful realization! I don't want to miss all of life because I'm always waiting for the future to arrive. In another excellent Nouwen work, Gracias!, he writes, “I do not know if I will be alive tomorrow, next week, or next year. Therefore today is always more important than tomorrow. We have to be able to say each day, 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.'”
Please help me pray for eyes that are open to all that is around me each moment, for the wisdom to realize that I have much to be thankful for, and for the PACIENCIA to fully experience each day as a gift from God.
I've stopped wearing my watch. Granted, I still carry around my cell phone so I can always look to see what time it is, but it was still a big step to replace my watch with a lovely bracelet that my host mom gave me. I call it my “Peruvian watch,” because it bears no sign of the time.
I've been thinking a lot about PACIENCIA here.
Growing up in Nigeria taught me a lot about patience. I love telling the story of the time we went to a 10am wedding on time and ended up waiting for 2 hours for the ceremony to start. Turns out the groom was buying his shoes. I laugh about this difference in cultural values … but it makes me ashamed to really think about how much of a slave I am to time.
A lot of my life here is waiting around. I rush to get ready in the morning but then end up waiting for Yordani to get his books together so I can walk him to school. A trip out to a community involves long car rides, 2, 3, 4 hours of staring out the window, waiting to get there. And once we get there I end up sitting in meetings I don't understand, waiting to get back in the car, where I will wait hours again until I get home! People expect events to start late, so when I show up on time I end up waiting for everyone else to come. It is often difficult to find value in these circumstances, and I find myself impatient for something to happen!
I started learning to crochet and knit this week. Talk about needing patience! I make so many mistakes and have to go back and do everything all over again. I watch Mamá and my friend Milagros do it, and they just fly, each move fluid and perfect. I feel so clumsy. I can only do a little bit at a time because I just get too impatient and frustrated. I wish I could go faster, I wish I could just know how to do it, I wish I didn't have to go through this time of learning, making mistakes, correcting, over and over.
I wish I could rush through a lot of things. Every day in the office feels like a drag, and I just wish I could be done with the work I'm doing for Paz and move onto something else. Relationships feel like they are taking 10 times longer than usual to develop because of the language barrier, and I wish I could just arrive at the time where I understand everything perfectly. I miss my family in Nigeria, my friends at Wheaton and around the world, Luke, and so many others, and I often just wish it would be Christmas already so that I could be with everyone again.
I'm realizing that I've lived a lot of my life this way. Last year, all I could think about was going to Peru … Now that I'm here, all I can think about is going back! I often live for “looking forward to” things to come. I find it very hard to be present in the moment.
Henri Nouwen writes about the value of “patient moments” in his excellent book Compassion. He writes, “when patience prevents us from running from the painful moment in the false hope of finding our treasure elsewhere, we can slowly begin to see that the fullness of time is already here and that salvation is already taking place.” What a beautiful realization! I don't want to miss all of life because I'm always waiting for the future to arrive. In another excellent Nouwen work, Gracias!, he writes, “I do not know if I will be alive tomorrow, next week, or next year. Therefore today is always more important than tomorrow. We have to be able to say each day, 'This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.'”
Please help me pray for eyes that are open to all that is around me each moment, for the wisdom to realize that I have much to be thankful for, and for the PACIENCIA to fully experience each day as a gift from God.
Monday, September 21, 2009
oficina
(Ok this picture is of me and my friend Nimia coming back from a trip in the campo ... and YES that is snow on the ground! AHHHHH!!!)
So … what am I actually DOING in Peru? Not every day is a dance festival, campaign launching march, or trip out to a community. In fact, most days I spend sitting in front of my computer in the OFICINA of Paz y Esperanza.
To be quite honest … I don’t really like it. I guess you could say it’s helping me realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing work like this. There are 0 (that’s literally ZERO) windows in the entire office, making it really cold all the time. Everyone is very busy doing their own thing, and I often find it difficult to connect with people during the day because they’re always rushing around. We start at 8 am and end at 6 pm (including a 2 hour lunch break), but most people still look at me funny when I leave at 6 because everyone stays until at least 7:30. And what makes it even harder is that the actual work I’m doing right now is writing in Spanish, which, although my speaking has definitely improved over the last 3 months, is still a huge challenge. I get bored. And antsy. A lot.
The good news is that I really believe in the work that I’m doing. I am helping to develop curriculum to train women and men of rural communities in social skills. This is a 3-part project: self-esteem, interpersonal communication, and problem solving. Each part includes a theoretical/conceptual explanation and an activity book of practical ways to develop these skills. My work also includes trips out to communities to try out the activities that I brainstorm, as well as to interview women about how they approach problems in order to inform my work. I definitely enjoy these trips more than my time in the office!
I’ve spent the last 3 weeks working on the self-esteem “module.” It has actually been really interesting to research and write on this topic, and I am finding that it really speaks to me in my place right now. Being in a setting where everything is new and challenging is making me realize how much of my self worth I find in my achievements and in what others think of me. When I am critiqued or criticized, I often take it very personally and feel bad about myself as a person, rather than viewing it as an opportunity to improve what I have done. I am struggling to remember that I am a beloved daughter of God no matter WHAT I do or don’t do … and that is fundamental to the good self-esteem we are trying to develop in the campesinos!
While I don’t really like being in the office, I do really like a lot of the people that I work with. I am in a room with 2 other Paz employees, and I am really enjoying getting to know Mery, who sits at the desk next to me. We have started praying together every morning, and she is also always in favor of escaping from the office for a morning snack. She makes me laugh a lot because she talks to herself, too!
(Pictures of eating lunch with Anita, Milagros, Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's husband; and me and Jessica in the office). I am also enjoying spending time with coworkers Anita, Angela, Nimia, and Jessica
outside the office. I am so encouraged that they are inviting me to do more things with them, like watch a movie, go out to dinner, or hit the disco for some crazy cumbya dancing! Anita has also invited me to hang out with some of her non-work friends, and I am really loving spending time with a new friend named Milagros especially. This past week I was so excited when she took me to a coffee shop where they have Internet! The only one like that around here, I think … Yay for friends!
Please pray for me during the hours of 8am and 6pm on weekdays, as they are often very difficult ones. I am glad to have more concrete work to do, but it has still not been easy to get this work done. I am also frustrated that my supervisor is often too busy to meet with me, and when we do meet I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Pray with me that I will take to heart the things that I’m discovering about self-esteem, and the importance of realizing that God loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. What a key life lesson that I am privileged to be learning in Andahuaylas, Peru!
So … what am I actually DOING in Peru? Not every day is a dance festival, campaign launching march, or trip out to a community. In fact, most days I spend sitting in front of my computer in the OFICINA of Paz y Esperanza.
To be quite honest … I don’t really like it. I guess you could say it’s helping me realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing work like this. There are 0 (that’s literally ZERO) windows in the entire office, making it really cold all the time. Everyone is very busy doing their own thing, and I often find it difficult to connect with people during the day because they’re always rushing around. We start at 8 am and end at 6 pm (including a 2 hour lunch break), but most people still look at me funny when I leave at 6 because everyone stays until at least 7:30. And what makes it even harder is that the actual work I’m doing right now is writing in Spanish, which, although my speaking has definitely improved over the last 3 months, is still a huge challenge. I get bored. And antsy. A lot.
The good news is that I really believe in the work that I’m doing. I am helping to develop curriculum to train women and men of rural communities in social skills. This is a 3-part project: self-esteem, interpersonal communication, and problem solving. Each part includes a theoretical/conceptual explanation and an activity book of practical ways to develop these skills. My work also includes trips out to communities to try out the activities that I brainstorm, as well as to interview women about how they approach problems in order to inform my work. I definitely enjoy these trips more than my time in the office!
I’ve spent the last 3 weeks working on the self-esteem “module.” It has actually been really interesting to research and write on this topic, and I am finding that it really speaks to me in my place right now. Being in a setting where everything is new and challenging is making me realize how much of my self worth I find in my achievements and in what others think of me. When I am critiqued or criticized, I often take it very personally and feel bad about myself as a person, rather than viewing it as an opportunity to improve what I have done. I am struggling to remember that I am a beloved daughter of God no matter WHAT I do or don’t do … and that is fundamental to the good self-esteem we are trying to develop in the campesinos!
While I don’t really like being in the office, I do really like a lot of the people that I work with. I am in a room with 2 other Paz employees, and I am really enjoying getting to know Mery, who sits at the desk next to me. We have started praying together every morning, and she is also always in favor of escaping from the office for a morning snack. She makes me laugh a lot because she talks to herself, too!
(Pictures of eating lunch with Anita, Milagros, Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's husband; and me and Jessica in the office). I am also enjoying spending time with coworkers Anita, Angela, Nimia, and Jessica
outside the office. I am so encouraged that they are inviting me to do more things with them, like watch a movie, go out to dinner, or hit the disco for some crazy cumbya dancing! Anita has also invited me to hang out with some of her non-work friends, and I am really loving spending time with a new friend named Milagros especially. This past week I was so excited when she took me to a coffee shop where they have Internet! The only one like that around here, I think … Yay for friends!Please pray for me during the hours of 8am and 6pm on weekdays, as they are often very difficult ones. I am glad to have more concrete work to do, but it has still not been easy to get this work done. I am also frustrated that my supervisor is often too busy to meet with me, and when we do meet I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Pray with me that I will take to heart the things that I’m discovering about self-esteem, and the importance of realizing that God loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. What a key life lesson that I am privileged to be learning in Andahuaylas, Peru!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
naturaleza
I have never lived near mountains before. I remember being dazzled by the Rockies while on a family vacation in Colorado years ago. My dad jokingly told me he wouldn’t let me visit Colorado University as a prospective college because he knew I would choose it based on the sheer majesty of the view alone. There is something about nature that feeds my soul in a way nothing else does. Richard Rohr writes, “Somewhere each day we have to fall in love, with someone, something, some moment, event, phrase, animal, or person.” The Andes have captured my heart. I have fallen in love.
Snapshots of NATURALEZA
Peering out the window of my bus after a long night of bumping around on narrow winding roads to be confronted for the first time with the Andes. It took my breath away and my jaw fell open.
Walking to work every day … I am often thinking about family, praying for Luke, coming up with ideas for work … and if I happen to glance up, I stop short. How can the mountains look different each day? I could never memorize the patchwork greenery of chakras (farms) dotting the steep peaks. Light falls differently moment to moment, it seems. As tiny figures work endless hours, coaxing the earth at different times of harvest and planting, its appearance changes. Clouds move, the sky darkens and lightens, shadows fall on some chakras and not on others. Rain pitter-patters or sometimes assails. Every day a new postcard-perfect picture.
Impossible colors of the sky. Every hue of the rainbow. Every one. And sometimes multiple colors. One moment I will never forget is stepping out of a nursery school in Chaccrampa to find that it was raining ... in my particular square meter of the earth. The mountains on the other side of the valley were living their own lives. As lightning streaked across my sky, snow was blanketing others in white. And in other patches, sun was blazing. All at the same moment. And I could see it all.
Later that night ... I thought I would be swallowed up by the stars. Not only were there more than I've ever seen before ... The sky was alive! It was moving. Twinkling. Blazing. Shifting. I felt it. I could only stand in the field with my head wrenched back as far as it goes. I was swallowed by the stars, and it was breathtaking.
Laguna Pacucha on a sunny day. The whole staff ate lunch there yesterday. As we rounded a curve and it came into sight, my throat emitted involuntary sounds in response to the beauty I was seeing. My heart was bursting. The waves made tiny bumps on the surface of the bluer than blue water. The wind was blowing. Just the sound calms my whole body.
Animals in everyday life. Walking to work last week I did a double take and realized I had just passed an ENORMOUS hog that would LITERALLY be my height if it could stand. It was too fat to ever think about dreaming about imagining about knowing what standing would be like. On the side of a city street. Right in front of the courthouse. And how many times have we had to stop the car to wait for horses, sheep, pigs, goats, chickens ...
And the natural beauty of humans ... Watching Julio hold his 1 month old infant daughter. He can't hear anyone else talking. He can only stare at her face in wonder and amazement, speaking a language only she can understand. He is in awe of this miracle ... Watching 7 month old Rodrigo laugh. He is most often serious-faced. But sometimes something tickles him deep in his chubby belly and his lips start to turn up. Suddenly he just can't stop giggling. He wants so badly to tell you what he's thinking, and is overtaken with "DADADADADADA!!!!" ...
i want to put pictures to show you ... but it would not even begin to do this subject justice. suffice to say, i have been appreciating God's creation in a new way here. life is beautiful.
Snapshots of NATURALEZA
Peering out the window of my bus after a long night of bumping around on narrow winding roads to be confronted for the first time with the Andes. It took my breath away and my jaw fell open.
Walking to work every day … I am often thinking about family, praying for Luke, coming up with ideas for work … and if I happen to glance up, I stop short. How can the mountains look different each day? I could never memorize the patchwork greenery of chakras (farms) dotting the steep peaks. Light falls differently moment to moment, it seems. As tiny figures work endless hours, coaxing the earth at different times of harvest and planting, its appearance changes. Clouds move, the sky darkens and lightens, shadows fall on some chakras and not on others. Rain pitter-patters or sometimes assails. Every day a new postcard-perfect picture.
Impossible colors of the sky. Every hue of the rainbow. Every one. And sometimes multiple colors. One moment I will never forget is stepping out of a nursery school in Chaccrampa to find that it was raining ... in my particular square meter of the earth. The mountains on the other side of the valley were living their own lives. As lightning streaked across my sky, snow was blanketing others in white. And in other patches, sun was blazing. All at the same moment. And I could see it all.
Later that night ... I thought I would be swallowed up by the stars. Not only were there more than I've ever seen before ... The sky was alive! It was moving. Twinkling. Blazing. Shifting. I felt it. I could only stand in the field with my head wrenched back as far as it goes. I was swallowed by the stars, and it was breathtaking.
Laguna Pacucha on a sunny day. The whole staff ate lunch there yesterday. As we rounded a curve and it came into sight, my throat emitted involuntary sounds in response to the beauty I was seeing. My heart was bursting. The waves made tiny bumps on the surface of the bluer than blue water. The wind was blowing. Just the sound calms my whole body.
Animals in everyday life. Walking to work last week I did a double take and realized I had just passed an ENORMOUS hog that would LITERALLY be my height if it could stand. It was too fat to ever think about dreaming about imagining about knowing what standing would be like. On the side of a city street. Right in front of the courthouse. And how many times have we had to stop the car to wait for horses, sheep, pigs, goats, chickens ...
And the natural beauty of humans ... Watching Julio hold his 1 month old infant daughter. He can't hear anyone else talking. He can only stare at her face in wonder and amazement, speaking a language only she can understand. He is in awe of this miracle ... Watching 7 month old Rodrigo laugh. He is most often serious-faced. But sometimes something tickles him deep in his chubby belly and his lips start to turn up. Suddenly he just can't stop giggling. He wants so badly to tell you what he's thinking, and is overtaken with "DADADADADADA!!!!" ...
i want to put pictures to show you ... but it would not even begin to do this subject justice. suffice to say, i have been appreciating God's creation in a new way here. life is beautiful.
Monday, September 7, 2009
muchedumbres!
To be honest, it wasn’t the best week. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m getting to the halfway point and realizing on one hand that I feel like I’ve barely done anything very useful, but realizing on the other hand that I still have 3 long months left (Mom and I like to call it the "third lap of the mile" syndrome) … or maybe it’s the fact that so many of my Wheaton friends are back at school together and I’m not there … or that I just spent 2 really fun and exciting weeks, first with Dr. Kepner and then in Ayacucho … But I was really bored and frustrated being in the office 8 hours a day, and I was really homesick.
Thankfully, Friday finally came along and I started a weekend of MUCHEDUMBRES (crowds)! God seemed to know that I really needed a good ol’ dose of humanity, and I had 3 different opportunities to be around lots of people and really enjoy myself this weekend.
On Friday, Paz held the “Lanzamiento para la Campaña de Derechos Humanos en Andahuaylas” (the launching of a Human Rights Campaign in Andahuaylas). I was deemed the photographer for the event, and had a really great time running around snapping pictures of everyone! The event was mainly composed of local schools, from kindergarten up to university level, and also some local authorities. The kids all came prepared with signs and cheers, and were so excited to march across town to the plaza. Paz had balloons with the slogan of the campaign on them – “Quieres Ser Feliz? Respeta Los Derechos Humanos” (Do you want to be happy? Respect 
Human Rights), which I helped blow up to distribute to all the kids. The event was super colorful and exciting. When we reached the plaza, there was an hour-long program including 2 great 
dramas and short speeches by local authorities. I had so much fun participating in this event!!
(Above is Rodrigo, the 7 month old of 2 of my coworkers ... I'm trying to set him up with Kate Glass!! :))
On Saturday night, I had my second “muchedumbre” experience at a discoteca on the Andahuaylas plaza! I went with 2 friends from work, Angela and Nimia, and we met up with 4 of their friends. We had a great time dancing the night away, and I was shocked that I was still going at 3am, the latest I’ve stayed up here so far!! It felt so funny to be shrieking out the words to “Simply the Best” at a club called “Kreazzy” along with about 100 Peruvians, and realize that I was the only gringa! Oh, globalization ☺
My third “muchedumbre” was on Sunday afternoon at the Andahuaylas stadium, where an Andahuaylas fútbol team played an Abancay (neighboring state) team. Because of a small misunderstanding, I got left at home and had to make my way to the stadium alone to meet Papá and Yordani … meaning that I got to battle the crowds at the ticket counter alone, and search about 10,000 Peruvian faces to find them once I got inside!! Thankfully, I’m pretty easy to spot, so they found me first ☺ The teams were pretty evenly matched, which made for a really good game, and we scored 2 goals in the last 10 minutes to win! Also really exciting was an injury on the other team that brought out an ambulance, at least 10 paramedics, and about 6 policemen with shields!
After these fun events, I’m thankfully starting this week a little more excited to be here. There’s something about sharing the human experience with others that just makes life so much more enjoyable. I’m figuring out that it’s important for me to take every opportunity that I can to be with others here – and there is plenty going on in this vibrant Peruvian life! My biggest prayer right now is that I will be able to really DWELL here, to really EMBRACE life here. I'm so thankful for the relationships that I am slowly building, and that I finally feel like I'm starting to really share life with others. However, it is still tempting to escape, to hold back. I want to jump into life with both feet!!
Como siempre, les agradezco por su apoyo, su amor, y sus oraciones! Con MUCHOS abrazos … Christinita
Thankfully, Friday finally came along and I started a weekend of MUCHEDUMBRES (crowds)! God seemed to know that I really needed a good ol’ dose of humanity, and I had 3 different opportunities to be around lots of people and really enjoy myself this weekend.
On Friday, Paz held the “Lanzamiento para la Campaña de Derechos Humanos en Andahuaylas” (the launching of a Human Rights Campaign in Andahuaylas). I was deemed the photographer for the event, and had a really great time running around snapping pictures of everyone! The event was mainly composed of local schools, from kindergarten up to university level, and also some local authorities. The kids all came prepared with signs and cheers, and were so excited to march across town to the plaza. Paz had balloons with the slogan of the campaign on them – “Quieres Ser Feliz? Respeta Los Derechos Humanos” (Do you want to be happy? Respect 
Human Rights), which I helped blow up to distribute to all the kids. The event was super colorful and exciting. When we reached the plaza, there was an hour-long program including 2 great 
dramas and short speeches by local authorities. I had so much fun participating in this event!!
(Above is Rodrigo, the 7 month old of 2 of my coworkers ... I'm trying to set him up with Kate Glass!! :))
On Saturday night, I had my second “muchedumbre” experience at a discoteca on the Andahuaylas plaza! I went with 2 friends from work, Angela and Nimia, and we met up with 4 of their friends. We had a great time dancing the night away, and I was shocked that I was still going at 3am, the latest I’ve stayed up here so far!! It felt so funny to be shrieking out the words to “Simply the Best” at a club called “Kreazzy” along with about 100 Peruvians, and realize that I was the only gringa! Oh, globalization ☺
My third “muchedumbre” was on Sunday afternoon at the Andahuaylas stadium, where an Andahuaylas fútbol team played an Abancay (neighboring state) team. Because of a small misunderstanding, I got left at home and had to make my way to the stadium alone to meet Papá and Yordani … meaning that I got to battle the crowds at the ticket counter alone, and search about 10,000 Peruvian faces to find them once I got inside!! Thankfully, I’m pretty easy to spot, so they found me first ☺ The teams were pretty evenly matched, which made for a really good game, and we scored 2 goals in the last 10 minutes to win! Also really exciting was an injury on the other team that brought out an ambulance, at least 10 paramedics, and about 6 policemen with shields!
After these fun events, I’m thankfully starting this week a little more excited to be here. There’s something about sharing the human experience with others that just makes life so much more enjoyable. I’m figuring out that it’s important for me to take every opportunity that I can to be with others here – and there is plenty going on in this vibrant Peruvian life! My biggest prayer right now is that I will be able to really DWELL here, to really EMBRACE life here. I'm so thankful for the relationships that I am slowly building, and that I finally feel like I'm starting to really share life with others. However, it is still tempting to escape, to hold back. I want to jump into life with both feet!!
Como siempre, les agradezco por su apoyo, su amor, y sus oraciones! Con MUCHOS abrazos … Christinita
Monday, August 31, 2009
lágrimas
I was immediately drawn to the joyful baby in the room. He was the only person younger than me, and he drew attention in his own right with his energetic and bubbly personality. He started giggling at me as I poked his chubby cheeks and told his mother how adorable he was. I gestured to her that I wanted to hold him, and as she handed him over she joked that she wanted me to take my new “novio” (boyfriend) to the US with me when I leave. Everyone started laughing and got a big kick out of how much I enjoyed holding my “novio” and making him laugh with silly faces.
One would never have guessed that this group of 15 individuals were arranging flowers for the burial of their relatives, murdered by the government 25 years ago. 92 brilliant bouquets.
Three days later, in Putis, I watched in despair as she stood over the casket of her relative, still carrying her precious baby boy. Her eyes filled with tears, and they spilled over onto her face. I felt mine fill as well, but I tried desperately to hold them back. I didn’t feel worthy enough to cry, to join in this pain. I knew that I could feel only the tip of the iceberg of what this woman and so many Peruvians feel.
I carried a casket for the first time in my life. 92 white caskets, some marked with names, but most bearing codes. C90. C91. C92. They didn’t weigh much. Many were children. All are now bones, fragments of a person.
As the ceremony drew to a close, an older woman took the microphone and began speaking forcefully in Quechua. She grew more and more agitated, her voice growing huskier, her words dissolving into tears, and then into deep sobs. Someone near me translated, “We are innocent! The government did this to us!” The woman started yelling, sobbing, screaming, “JUSTICIA! JUSTICIA! JUSTICIA!”
I stood at the bottom of the hill watching the caskets being carried to their final resting place. Everyone was crying, many near hysteria. “What can I do to help?” I kept asking. “Acompáñales” was the reply – accompany them, be with them.
I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I stood there and cried. I cried for the baby boy and his mother, I cried for the woman begging for justice, I cried for the young woman who was sexually abused by soldiers for three days in prison, I cried for the children in the 92 caskets in front of me, I cried for the relatives who are still searching for C79, C26, C43 … The LAGRIMAS (tears) wouldn’t stop.
A woman came up and embraced me as I cried, saying, “Gracias por amarnos” … “Thank you for loving us.”
I have done a lot of crying in the last 3 months. But this weekend, my tears were converted from self-centered longing for home, to tears of empathy for the suffering people around me. Thank God. Don’t get me wrong, I still called Luke sobbing when I got back to my hotel that night, exhausted and frustrated and emotionally fried after 3 long days of ceremonies for the victims of Putis. But I can feel God working in my heart the longer I stay here. He is opening my eyes to see those around me, and He is giving me more and more love for them in their suffering. May He continue that process in all of our lives. Even when it causes us many lágrimas.
One would never have guessed that this group of 15 individuals were arranging flowers for the burial of their relatives, murdered by the government 25 years ago. 92 brilliant bouquets.
Three days later, in Putis, I watched in despair as she stood over the casket of her relative, still carrying her precious baby boy. Her eyes filled with tears, and they spilled over onto her face. I felt mine fill as well, but I tried desperately to hold them back. I didn’t feel worthy enough to cry, to join in this pain. I knew that I could feel only the tip of the iceberg of what this woman and so many Peruvians feel.I carried a casket for the first time in my life. 92 white caskets, some marked with names, but most bearing codes. C90. C91. C92. They didn’t weigh much. Many were children. All are now bones, fragments of a person.
As the ceremony drew to a close, an older woman took the microphone and began speaking forcefully in Quechua. She grew more and more agitated, her voice growing huskier, her words dissolving into tears, and then into deep sobs. Someone near me translated, “We are innocent! The government did this to us!” The woman started yelling, sobbing, screaming, “JUSTICIA! JUSTICIA! JUSTICIA!”I stood at the bottom of the hill watching the caskets being carried to their final resting place. Everyone was crying, many near hysteria. “What can I do to help?” I kept asking. “Acompáñales” was the reply – accompany them, be with them.
I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I stood there and cried. I cried for the baby boy and his mother, I cried for the woman begging for justice, I cried for the young woman who was sexually abused by soldiers for three days in prison, I cried for the children in the 92 caskets in front of me, I cried for the relatives who are still searching for C79, C26, C43 … The LAGRIMAS (tears) wouldn’t stop.A woman came up and embraced me as I cried, saying, “Gracias por amarnos” … “Thank you for loving us.”
I have done a lot of crying in the last 3 months. But this weekend, my tears were converted from self-centered longing for home, to tears of empathy for the suffering people around me. Thank God. Don’t get me wrong, I still called Luke sobbing when I got back to my hotel that night, exhausted and frustrated and emotionally fried after 3 long days of ceremonies for the victims of Putis. But I can feel God working in my heart the longer I stay here. He is opening my eyes to see those around me, and He is giving me more and more love for them in their suffering. May He continue that process in all of our lives. Even when it causes us many lágrimas.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Kepner and Kirschner: las Christines!
Hello everyone! Saludos from Ayacucho, Peru, which is a long 9 hour bus ride full of steep winding curves from Andahuaylas. Seriously, we had to do a three point turn to get around a few of them, and the really depressing thing is when you look down and realize youve climbed a total of about a foot. But Im here!! I came for the weekend to visit with Solomon Martinez (he is doing his internship with Paz here in Ayacucho), Holly Braun (Ayacucho HNGR alum 07), and Claire Jackson (Quito HNGR alum 08)! It was a wonderful weekend of speaking English, cuddling, eating pizza, laughing, hanging out with Hollys amazing host family, and lots of chapla (flat bread, sooo good). I was planning on going back to Andahuaylas last night but decided to stay the whole week because of a big event going on here this coming weekend.
Peru went through a terrible “conflicto armado“ during the 80s and 90s, and it has really affected the people and culture here today. You may have heard of the Communist group the Shining Path (Sendero Luminoso). The campesinos often got right in the middle conflicts between this group and the government, and thousands of innocents were murdered. I am slowly realizing that every person I meet and talk to here has their own tragic story from that time, whether they lost brothers, fathers, mothers, or friends, or whether they witnessed terrible acts of violence, or whether they have been financially impacted by the events that occurred. Ayacucho is one of the areas that has been most affected by this violence. This weekend, there is a special event going on in Putis, a region of Ayacucho, where over 90 bodies were found in a mass grave. They were murdered in cold blood by the government. Paz is hosting this event to give the families who are left behind closure, as well as to use this horrific event as an example of what happened all over Peru, to raise awareness and to create more of a passion for justice and reparation. I encourage you to watch the video at this link to learn more about this. Im excited to be here during this time, especially because the Ayacucho office has a Mental Health team that I can shadow and learn from. Also, kind of exciting that I get to be on TV tomorrow morning!! Holly, Claire, Solomon, a Mexican friend, and I were interviewed about why we came to attend these events. Please be praying this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday during these very important events.
http://www.pazyesperanza.org/ayacucho/index.html
Wanted to tell you all about my amazing visit with Dr. Christine Kepner this past week as well!!
How fun that we are both Christine Ks ... although it kind of confused everyone here a little bit :) She arrived last Sunday in the morning and spent the whole week with me until Friday morning. Im sorry I dont have pictures quite yet, but I will put some up when I get back to Andahuaylas next week.
Dr. Kepner was a huge encouragement to me. It was super awesome that she speaks Spanish so perfectly (shes a Spanish professor at Wheaton), and she was so wonderful about being an advocate for me both with my host family and especially at the office. We had a really productive meeting with Lupe, my supervisor here, and I feel a lot better about my time in the office, as we 
were able to figure out more specifically what is expected of me. Dr. Kepner and I also enjoyed time with my host family exploring Andahuaylas a little bit (and even discovered a monument to a Peruvian author she likes, José María Arguedas!), a delicious lunch at the beautiful Laguna 
Pacucha with some coworkers, a trip out to some communities with some amazing views of the mountains, and more. I especially enjoyed just being able to verbalize and process in English some of the things I have been experiencing and battling in my time here. She was an amazing support. Thank you Dr. Kepner!
Sorry to be short and picture-less, but because this trip was unexpected I didnt bring my own computer, so Im bumming off others.
As always, I appreciate all your love and support and prayers. Thinking a lot about my Wheaton friends (and my baby sister) heading back to school tomorrow!! It makes me miss you all even more. I hope the first few days go smoothly. And for the student teachers, especially Haley, Abby, and Luke! Im so proud of you and I know you can do it!!
Mucho amor, y muuuuchos abrazos, Christine
Peru went through a terrible “conflicto armado“ during the 80s and 90s, and it has really affected the people and culture here today. You may have heard of the Communist group the Shining Path (Sendero Luminoso). The campesinos often got right in the middle conflicts between this group and the government, and thousands of innocents were murdered. I am slowly realizing that every person I meet and talk to here has their own tragic story from that time, whether they lost brothers, fathers, mothers, or friends, or whether they witnessed terrible acts of violence, or whether they have been financially impacted by the events that occurred. Ayacucho is one of the areas that has been most affected by this violence. This weekend, there is a special event going on in Putis, a region of Ayacucho, where over 90 bodies were found in a mass grave. They were murdered in cold blood by the government. Paz is hosting this event to give the families who are left behind closure, as well as to use this horrific event as an example of what happened all over Peru, to raise awareness and to create more of a passion for justice and reparation. I encourage you to watch the video at this link to learn more about this. Im excited to be here during this time, especially because the Ayacucho office has a Mental Health team that I can shadow and learn from. Also, kind of exciting that I get to be on TV tomorrow morning!! Holly, Claire, Solomon, a Mexican friend, and I were interviewed about why we came to attend these events. Please be praying this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday during these very important events.
http://www.pazyesperanza.org/ayacucho/index.html
Wanted to tell you all about my amazing visit with Dr. Christine Kepner this past week as well!!
How fun that we are both Christine Ks ... although it kind of confused everyone here a little bit :) She arrived last Sunday in the morning and spent the whole week with me until Friday morning. Im sorry I dont have pictures quite yet, but I will put some up when I get back to Andahuaylas next week.
Dr. Kepner was a huge encouragement to me. It was super awesome that she speaks Spanish so perfectly (shes a Spanish professor at Wheaton), and she was so wonderful about being an advocate for me both with my host family and especially at the office. We had a really productive meeting with Lupe, my supervisor here, and I feel a lot better about my time in the office, as we 
were able to figure out more specifically what is expected of me. Dr. Kepner and I also enjoyed time with my host family exploring Andahuaylas a little bit (and even discovered a monument to a Peruvian author she likes, José María Arguedas!), a delicious lunch at the beautiful Laguna 
Pacucha with some coworkers, a trip out to some communities with some amazing views of the mountains, and more. I especially enjoyed just being able to verbalize and process in English some of the things I have been experiencing and battling in my time here. She was an amazing support. Thank you Dr. Kepner!Sorry to be short and picture-less, but because this trip was unexpected I didnt bring my own computer, so Im bumming off others.
As always, I appreciate all your love and support and prayers. Thinking a lot about my Wheaton friends (and my baby sister) heading back to school tomorrow!! It makes me miss you all even more. I hope the first few days go smoothly. And for the student teachers, especially Haley, Abby, and Luke! Im so proud of you and I know you can do it!!
Mucho amor, y muuuuchos abrazos, Christine
Monday, August 17, 2009
vivir JUNTOS
While living here I have been doing a lot of thinking about community. I have been thrust into a new and unfamiliar world, and sometimes it is so difficult not to revert into my comfort zone, to hide within myself, to hold back. Other times, though, I have little choice but to just ... live! One of the continuing jokes about me both in the office and at home is that I'm like a "niña" (little girl) in so many ways ... I have to depend on other people for EVERYTHING! I don't really like feeling incompetent ... but I am definitely learning so much, especially about what it means to be part of a unit rather than living my life as an independent individual. I decided to write a poem about the experiences that are teaching me this. The formatting is a little off here, but you get the idea. It's called "Vivir JUNTOS" (To live together)
VIVIR JUNTOS
Vivir juntos …
Means that when we come across a boulder blocking the path of the car,
We all get out and push.
When the gringa takes a bucket shower for the first time,
Mamá gently sponge bathes her, wiping away the dirt.
No shame.
Involves meetings that go for hours … lots of yawning … boredom …
I don’t understand, but I am. I am there.
Means we all eat the same food.
Even if we don’t like it. Even if it’s burned. Even if we aren’t used to it.
We eat together.
And when there is no food,
we don’t. No one does.
Means your friend is mine. Your sister is mine.
Your newborn daughter is my niece. I rejoice in her life with you … as much as you do.
I hold her to my heart.
Is laughter and tickles. When I make a mistake, you laugh … and so do I.
Your joy is mine. My joy is yours.
Is cuddling in bed. Is sharing body heat in the cold of the night.
Is placing your cold feet under my warm ones.
Is crying with you. Is hearing your story as if it were mine.
As if I had been beaten by my own brother.
As if I had been threatened by my own husband.
As if I had been neglected by my own mother.
Is entering your hurts without trying to escape, explain, fix.
Means washing clothes and cooking and cleaning on Saturdays. No one leaves until we’re done.
We.
Means watching TV. Lots of it. Disney movies I have seen a thousand times.
Only now in Spanish.
Means learning more than teaching.
Validating what you know.
Accepting.
Quietly. Patiently.
Means being late. Waiting for you to
brush your hair, finish your knitting, drink your tea, change your clothes again …
Involves being without doing.
Involves taking interest in what interests you.
Involves disagreeing but respecting. Being offended but not lashing out.
Offending but accepting forgiveness. Listening and not just hearing.
Means crowded buses, forced to all but embrace you, a stranger sitting on my lap.
This is how we go to work together.
Means that when I’m angry at you, you can tell. And I tell you.
And we still do life together.
When I look sad you ask why. And I tell you.
Or if you don’t ask why, I don’t hold it against you.
Sharing. When you are hungry, you buy 2 oranges.
One for you and one for me.
When there is only one mattress,
We sleep on it together.
Sacrificing. When it’s your turn to pay, but you don’t have anything,
I pay. Without worrying that you’ll pay me back.
When I want to sleep, but you want to talk,
I listen.
Accompanying. When I have things to do, but you have an errand to run,
I go. Without rushing you.
When you want me to be more than I think that I am,
I am.
Waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting. Why am I here? To be with you.
Your reality is my reality is our reality.
Vivimos JUNTOS.
May God continue to teach us to rely on one another and to rely on Him. What a blessing to live in community! Thank you for being in community with me by sharing my experiences through reading this blog and through praying for me. I am so blessed!!
Love, Christinita
VIVIR JUNTOSVivir juntos …
Means that when we come across a boulder blocking the path of the car,
We all get out and push.
When the gringa takes a bucket shower for the first time,Mamá gently sponge bathes her, wiping away the dirt.
No shame.
Involves meetings that go for hours … lots of yawning … boredom …
I don’t understand, but I am. I am there.
Means we all eat the same food.
Even if we don’t like it. Even if it’s burned. Even if we aren’t used to it.
We eat together.
And when there is no food,
we don’t. No one does.
Means your friend is mine. Your sister is mine.
Your newborn daughter is my niece. I rejoice in her life with you … as much as you do.
I hold her to my heart.
Is laughter and tickles. When I make a mistake, you laugh … and so do I.
Your joy is mine. My joy is yours.
Is cuddling in bed. Is sharing body heat in the cold of the night.Is placing your cold feet under my warm ones.
Is crying with you. Is hearing your story as if it were mine.
As if I had been beaten by my own brother.
As if I had been threatened by my own husband.
As if I had been neglected by my own mother.
Is entering your hurts without trying to escape, explain, fix.
Means washing clothes and cooking and cleaning on Saturdays. No one leaves until we’re done.
We.
Means watching TV. Lots of it. Disney movies I have seen a thousand times.
Only now in Spanish.
Means learning more than teaching.
Validating what you know.
Accepting.
Quietly. Patiently.
Means being late. Waiting for you to
brush your hair, finish your knitting, drink your tea, change your clothes again …
Involves being without doing.
Involves taking interest in what interests you.
Involves disagreeing but respecting. Being offended but not lashing out.
Offending but accepting forgiveness. Listening and not just hearing.
Means crowded buses, forced to all but embrace you, a stranger sitting on my lap.
This is how we go to work together.
Means that when I’m angry at you, you can tell. And I tell you.
And we still do life together.
When I look sad you ask why. And I tell you.
Or if you don’t ask why, I don’t hold it against you.
Sharing. When you are hungry, you buy 2 oranges.
One for you and one for me.
When there is only one mattress,
We sleep on it together.
Sacrificing. When it’s your turn to pay, but you don’t have anything,
I pay. Without worrying that you’ll pay me back.
When I want to sleep, but you want to talk,
I listen.
Accompanying. When I have things to do, but you have an errand to run,
I go. Without rushing you.
When you want me to be more than I think that I am,
I am.
Waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting. Why am I here? To be with you.
Your reality is my reality is our reality.
Vivimos JUNTOS.
May God continue to teach us to rely on one another and to rely on Him. What a blessing to live in community! Thank you for being in community with me by sharing my experiences through reading this blog and through praying for me. I am so blessed!!
Love, Christinita
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